How I met an American, married him and became a widow: a personal story
'25.07.2020'
Source: Yandex Zen
“If you think that Americans are simply burned out with impatience to marry a Russian, then I will disappoint you,” writes the author of the blog “I Live in America” on Yandex Zen. Next - from the first person.
Let me introduce. My name is Yelena. Came to the United States on a bride visa. I have lived in Western Oregon for over 10 years.
Most Americans marry their fellow citizens. And this is natural. Especially when I was young. In typical American marriages, the age gap between spouses is minimal. They often know each other from school.
And, in comparison with Russia, couples break up less often here. America is a puritanical country. And from the economic point of view, it is easier to live together, even in a civil marriage.
Not every American wants to get married. There are a lot of single men among 50-year-old men. And not only divorced, but also those who have never been married. There are simply physically more men over 50 in America than men of the same age, for example, in Russia. American women with their feminism will not let go. Their requirements for men are quite high. They know what they need to live with dignity in their country.
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Middle-aged and older Americans want a younger partner with them. Who would doubt that? Yin - Yang: Energy Exchange. But in America it doesn't work. Then they turn their gaze some to the West, some to the East. Someone marries Asian women, someone Slavs. A matter of taste for each individual. And they cannot get rid of a civil marriage, because it is necessary to marry a foreign woman, otherwise she will not be able to live in the country.
For what such unearthly love did an American marry me?
When we met John, he was 57 years old. Like me now. And then I turned 44 years old. John had 2 official marriages and 2 civil ones under his belt. History is silent about minor hobbies.
His first marriage lasted 20 years. They were a beautiful couple. Two children. And “suddenly,” after 20 years, his wife, he said, ceased to meet his emotional needs. I met her. Nice, intelligent woman. Here the point is most likely in this sacramental "gray hair in the beard - a devil in the rib." I didn’t come up with it. But this is how men go through one of the stages of aging. This is their nature. Men subconsciously want to show everyone that they are still peppers! Therefore - a divorce.
Civil marriage with American Marlene lasted 4 years. Didn't get married. There were difficulties in the relationship with her teenage daughter.
And then, reading the forums on the Internet, John decides to marry a Slav. Slavs are kind and sincere. And they agree to a husband who is much older. I found a woman from Ukraine on the site. It should be noted that Americans do not need a visa to travel to Ukraine. Let's see what will happen with visas after January 21, 2021. But then it was like that.
We got married. After 2 years, she receives a permanent green card, finds a lover and offers to live like that. Almost three of us. A wild scandal breaks out. Male pride is hurt. It was used as a steam locomotive to travel to the United States. All. Divorce.
A year of relationship with an American. This one had a fad for cleanliness. I don't know what kind of education she had. Perhaps not - she worked as a cleaner. But the ring was donated, and it was going to the engagement. Did not work out. At some point, the ring was thrown away. I threw it somewhere on the lawn. Don't find it. The American's name was Melody ("melody"). He called her Crazy (Crazy) Melody.
And again the thought came to marry a Slav!
Would you, personally, turn to the same dating site where you were very unlucky? And he turned. And he found me.
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I acted carefully. I was in no hurry. What for? Before my arrival in the United States, we met 4 times: 3 in St. Petersburg and one in Barcelona.
In Barcelona, he proposed to me and we signed all the documents.
In Barcelona, he just as honestly told me that he did not pay taxes. Then I did not understand the seriousness of this statement. You yourself know that Russia is full of entrepreneurs who do not pay taxes.
There is a saying in the US: there are two things you can never avoid - death and taxes.
And now I will quote in translation the song “64” of the famous “Beatles”: “Will you need me, will you feed me when I am 64 years old?”
Probably, when the young Beatles wrote this song, 64 years old seemed to them the age of old age, and she did not frighten them. But when a man is already over 50, and so good for 50, almost 60, the question of the notorious glass of water involuntarily pops up. And I want to have someone with you who will support you in your difficult hour. I think that a woman would not want to be alone at a more mature age. This is a universal, understandable desire.
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The only thing is that I was 13 years younger. Guess three times who would look after whom.
We have been married for almost 5 years. John taught me a lot. He constantly made me laugh. Humor is such a quality that I never dreamed of finding in a foreigner. Still, different languages. But he understood me just brilliantly. I could mentally ask a question in Russian, and he immediately answered in English out loud. At the same time, of course, he was imperfect. There are no perfect people. This is clear. I am grateful to him for a lot. He made my life much brighter. Later I was told that I brightened up his last years of life. And his daughter said that we found each other. Agree, it's worth a lot to hear such a phrase from her husband's daughter from her first marriage.
One day John became ill with his heart. On Thursday, he got stents. As it turned out (this was news to me), the second time. And the next Monday he arrived from the office in the afternoon, lay down to rest and did not wake up.
He did not live 2 months to 64 years. So I didn't have to feed him or take care of him when he was lying down. The Beatles' song was no longer relevant.
John's kind heart could not stand the stress at work. And generally speaking. How can. Everything comes to an end.
Most Americans live long lives. This is such a sad story of mine.
If you suddenly decide to look for a foreign husband, which is very understandable, if you are slightly over 40, then I hope my experience will be useful to you.
Original column published on the blog. "I live in America" on Yandex Zen
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