What fathers feel guilty about
'19.06.2017'
Source: Today
TODAY.com in partnership with Fatherly.com We conducted an online survey among our readers about the issues that fathers are concerned about, and found that modern fathers are concerned about almost the same things as mothers.
More than 1200 fathers participated in the survey. Most parents said that they were forced to deal with such problems as paternal feelings of guilt and envy of other parents. It is unlikely that this concept was familiar to previous generations of fathers.
Nearly two-thirds of those surveyed, which is almost 63%, said they were jealous of other parents. And some even sometimes hide in the bathroom, so as not to help look after the children.
About one in five dads, which is about 19%, said that he feels guilty for not having enough time with his children. And 17% of respondents said that guilt gnaws at them because they spend a lot of time at work.
Every fourth dad said that he was worried that he could not earn enough money to ensure the standard of living of his family for which they aspire.
“This is the dilemma of modern parenting. Moms have long felt this gap between career and family. They have to choose and fight it. But modern fathers began to understand this only recently. And this is probably progress, ”says Joshua David Stein, editor-in-chief of the publication Fatherly and father of two sons.
Duane Richards felt guilty that he spent little time with his children because of the work in a large corporation.
“At work, I was constantly thinking about how nice it would be to be at home with my two young daughters,” says Richards. After some time, he gave up on such a volume of work and office schedule. And I never regretted it.
“It was the best decision I have made in my life,” says Duane.
The respondents were also asked to choose what they want more - to spend more time with their children or to get a promotion at work. More than half, 51%, chose time with their family, and 49% chose a promotion to provide for their children.
About a quarter of the fathers, about 26%, said they feel no guilt, since all they do is work for the family.
Duane Richards says he understands this attitude.
“Now that I have reduced my working day, and my work schedule is flexible enough, I can spend as much time with my daughters as I want. On the other hand, I bet there are fathers who are rarely at home due to their hard work. And they do not feel guilty about their absence, because they believe that their direct responsibility is to ensure the financial stability of the family, ”says Richards.
Many fathers are not too worried about what others think of them. More than half, 56%, say that they are not doing anything for which other parents could condemn them. And only 14% agrees that their actions against children could be condemned by their mothers.
50% of fathers admit that their marriage partner devotes much more time to childcare than they do. But only 10% of them feel guilty about it. Also, half of dads say they don't pretend to be incompetent in childcare to get rid of household chores, and 26% honestly admitted that they sometimes use the old bathroom trick to avoid helping their wife with the kids. 21% of fathers said that they hid in the bathroom literally 1-2 times, and the most honest - 3% - admitted that they often hide in the bathroom.
“Sometimes both mums and dads hide in the bathroom. We all hide in the bathroom sometimes. Many parents never admit it, but most do it sometimes. We are all living people. Even I understand that this is part of the parenting experience, ”says Richards.
