7 inappropriate questions at the festive table, and what to do if they are asked to you
'10.12.2019'
Source: lady.mail.ru
December is the time of holidays. This month, family and friends can meet at a common table more than once to share a meal and enjoy - or whatever - socialize. Here's how not to spoil the mood for yourself and people.
“When are you already married?”
Number one on the list of tactless questions, reminds lady.mail.ru. Samantha Hoywagen, a family psychologist from Atlanta, is convinced that behind this seemingly innocent curiosity is actually the desire to see other people happy. And many associate happiness with relationships and marriage.
Many, but not all. For the interlocutor, this can be a painful topic, even if outwardly she does not show it in any way. Do not cure the wounds, but just ask what the person has plans for the future or what she is going to do after the holidays.
If you ask such a question and do not want to devote others to the vicissitudes of your personal life, change the subject or stop further questioning with a soft but firm one: “Let's talk about something else.”
"Have you lost weight? / Have you recovered?"
You do not know why the interlocutor’s weight has changed, and sincere curiosity will certainly turn out to be a handful of salt poured onto the wound. This is on the one hand. On the other - with this question you connect appearance and success and unwittingly give an assessment of someone's life. Something like "lost weight - well done, got better - how you started yourself." So says Chelsea Woodard, director of the center for psychological assistance to people suffering from eating disorders.
If you really want to compliment, say that the interlocutor just glows with happiness - probably something special is happening in her life. If you are asked such a question, there are two options. First: tell me how you achieved such results if you want to share experience and give advice. Second: answer that you have not been following the arrow of the scales for a long time, because this does not affect your feeling of happiness and self-love.
On the subject: 'Spirit of America': Melania Trump showed how the White House was decorated for Christmas
"When are you planning children? / Why don't you give birth to a second?"
Another tactless question from the field of social norms and expectations. This is reminded by Tracy Dalglish, a clinical psychologist from Canada. You do not know the background of the person or couple who is sitting next to you. All you know is gender and age, which is more or less approximately suitable for childbearing. With this question, you are invading private territory and you can cause pain or irritation.
A person can have health problems, finances, and anything else. Yes, maybe he just doesn’t want to do what the society imposes.
If you are being tortured with this question at the table, use the phrase “I do not want to discuss this issue” as a shield.
“Do you always eat / drink so much?”
Are you worried about the neighbor’s stomach and liver because you wear the icon of the valiant controller of other people's lives? Fran Wolffish, a family relations specialist from Beverly Hills, believes that food shaming (condemning what other people eat) does more harm to human health than overeating itself. And we completely agree with her. In the end, it is a holiday. Perhaps your tablemate has been waiting for this day all year. An extra piece or glass is his reward for months of hard work or stress.
And if someone looked at your plate and grinned, say that you have the right to please yourself at least for the New Year, or that you won the genetic lottery - eat and not get fatter.
“Why don’t you eat meat / sugar / bread / don’t drink?”
Another feast tradition is to try to feed a person with something that he cannot or simply does not want. In general, other people's eating habits or health features should not worry you. If curiosity or anxiety cannot be restrained, try to ask in a different way: “What changes in yourself did you see after refusing sugar / meat / bread / alcohol?”
If you are asked about food cravings, just say that without these products you feel better. Even if you have a chronic disease that simply does not allow you to eat fatty and sweet foods. But if the public insists, you are ready to read a fascinating lecture on the effect of gallbladder removal on diet.
On the subject: 7 Simple Tips to Start Losing Weight for the New Year Today
“Who will you vote for?”
This question can and should be asked if your goal is to spoil the festive dinner and quarrel all those present. When it comes to politics, the most innocent remark or comment, says Craig Dyke, a clinical psychologist, can cause a fierce quarrel. The holiday is not the time for election debate.
And if you are asked the same question, remind everyone present that you have gathered to have fun, and not to discuss the current or future political situation in the country.
“What about your hair / lips / clothes / figure?”
An awkward attempt to compliment or show that the changes in the interlocutor are noticeable to everyone, actually sounds rude and tactless. It’s as if you do not approve of someone else’s choice, but nobody asked your opinion and nobody needs it. Do you want to say something nice or just keep up the conversation? It is enough to notice that the new look goes like that to a person.
If they ask you, act according to your mood - ignore or change the subject. In the most severe cases, invite the person to carefully study the rules of good form again.
"How much do you earn?"
This is completely beyond the bounds - having discussed personal life, appearance and habits, climb into a person's wallet. Better ask if a person is satisfied with his income. True, in response it is easy to get a tedious confession about the speed with which everything around is getting more expensive.
If others are interested in your earnings, change the subject or use the classic excuse “I have enough” or “Ask questions about money, health and personal life - indecently. Didn't you know? "
