Living with Autism: How to Choose a Gift for a 'Special' Child
'13.03.2018'
Source: BBC Russian
For most parents, any holidays are a time of pleasant trouble. But choosing a gift for a child with autism can be very difficult.
Gifts for such a child are often quite a painful topic for both friends and relatives of the family, as well as for the recipient himself, Anna Cook writes specifically for BBC Russian.
Let's start with the very concept of "gift" - is it so obvious what it means at all? Last winter, at the “Christmas tree” in our Russian school, I realized that for my eldest daughter Liza this is not at all obvious.
“I want a present,” Liza shouted when Santa Claus appeared at the party.
"Liza, what gift?" - I specify. “Lisa. Present. Liza ”, - daughter is lost.
Finally, our very artistic Santa Claus (or Santa) gave gifts to children. Lizin sisters Katya and Zoe quickly ripped off the wrapper to see what they got. Lisa, happy, took her beautifully packed box, looked at it from all sides and put it under the chair.
As far as I understand, Lizin's gift concept at the moment is exactly this packaging in the form of a cube, rectangle and other geometric shapes with which gifts are drawn in pictures.
The box is the gift. Therefore, the question “what do you want as a gift” baffles her. Here he is, what more could you want. Many children with autism are fascinated by the beautiful bright wrapper, smooth or, conversely, rough. It is pleasant to the touch, rustles loudly, a great gift! What is hidden under the wrapper is no longer so important.
It happens, however, and the reverse reaction. Some children are afraid to touch the package or too worried about not knowing what kind of object is hidden inside.
Disaster gifts
And now about the most interesting and painful one - the very gift that is finally found under the layers of brown paper. It is good if the gift carefully chosen by the relatives will leave the child indifferent, but it can also scare. Several moms of children with autism have shared stories with me of gifts that, instead of making them happy, upset the children.
“I have a lot of such stories, about gifts-“ disasters ”, - wrote me one mother, Inna Ivanova. - One of them was a barking dog. The child stood in the kitchen and did not enter the living room until I promised that I would throw it out. As a result, they gave it to friends. "
Another mother told about a battery-powered pig that walked around and grunt: “She is cute - a pink fur pig, but my daughter categorically refused to even touch her. And when the pig was turned on, she ran away in a panic. Much to the disappointment of the relatives who have chosen the gift with love. "
In another family, problems were caused by a fake “Lego”: “It connects badly and all the painstaking work falls apart, brings the son to hysterics.” Another interlocutor of mine, according to her, has a "catastrophe" at home, when relatives try to impose something that the child is not interested in, but, in their opinion, he should like: "Tanks on the control panel, collections of soldiers," Sea Battle ", railway with trains, children still dream of this! ”.
“Until the age of four, our son did not accept any gifts. Everything new, handed to him, was perceived with hysteria, forced to throw it away, ”- said another mother.
But there is a special “disaster” gift, which is better not to give. And I am sure that most parents, both “special” children and ordinary ones, will support me in this: sweets. How many hysterics, tears and scandals could have been avoided if guests and relatives did not come with boxes of chocolates or chocolates.
How not to make a mistake with a gift?
Of course, first of all, ask the child's parents: what is he currently enjoying, what cartoons he watches, what characters does he like? Does he prefer musical toys with bright lights or, on the contrary, does he like silence? Are you fond of "Lego" or collecting puzzles?
Very often, children who are fan of some particular cartoon will be happy to get toy characters from it to play at home. In no case do not need to pay attention to the age category of toys. My eight-year-old daughter can still with great pleasure play with infant rattles, soft teletubbies and other heroes of programs for the little ones.
By the way, be prepared for the fact that even with ordinary and age-appropriate toys the child will not necessarily play “as it should”.
Children with autism often like “sensory” materials - that is, those that evoke pleasant tactile or visual sensations: kinetic sand or soft modeling dough (especially if the sets are “thematic” - with molds of their favorite cartoon characters, modes of transport, etc. ), glowing balls or flashlights shimmering in different colors, balloons, soap bubbles or bubble blowing cars, projector lamps.
Books for “our” children are often the best gift, but it is imperative to check with the parents which books the child is interested in. Money is always a safe and gratefully accepted gift option. Their child himself (or with the help of his parents) can spend both on a new program for the tablet, and on the purchase of such amazing “toys” that you will never think of it.
How best to give a gift?
Specialists, including the British National Autistic Society, recommend giving gifts without any packaging, so that the child does not have stress in the face of the unknown or difficulties with unfolding slyly pasted paper. Perhaps I myself will now do. You can put a gift in a transparent bag or just stick a beautiful bow on it. If the toy is firmly screwed to the package, it is better to get everything in advance, insert the batteries, remove the parts from the individual sachets, so that the child can immediately proceed to the game.
I am always ready for any reaction of the child and I do not insist if he is not ready to take a present at the moment and honestly said that he does not like it.
By the way, one mother of a child who categorically did not accept gifts from anyone, came up with such an elegant way: the guests pretended that they accidentally “forgot to pick up” some things, and the son then found them at home and examined them at his own pace.
And another mother of a special child asked me to write the following: “A gift for children with autism should always be selected individually, because in the world there are no two identical autists with the same interests and needs. They are like winter snowflakes: out of billions you will not find a single similar one. "
Special toys for autists in America
“In America, on average, they spend about 30 thousand dollars on therapy for one child with autism. It is customary here to help such people. Special support centers have been created for people. They are trying to introduce autists into society. And people in the United States are very patient with autistic behavior in public places, ”says Francis Levin, co-founder of the company. Bestie toys.
Together with his girlfriend Sofia Dvorkina, with whom Francis has been friends for more than 12 years, Francis worked for some time with children who have an autism spectrum disorder. The girls worked in kindergartens for about 3 years. At some point, the friends felt the need to create a product that could help autists in combating the problem of sensory integration dysfunction.
The girls came up with chewing toys, which are a safe alternative to inedible things, biting other people, thumb sucking, oral fixation and sensory searches. The company appeared in 2017 year and received the name Bestie Toys. Bestie toys helps children, parents, physiotherapists, schools, clinics and organizations that deal with children with special needs.
Bestie toys is a necklace with a rubber toy made from 100-percent non-toxic food-grade silicone. The toy is presented in three designs and in nine different colors. The useful invention has been approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and, of course, by dentists.
