The article has been automatically translated into English by Google Translate from Russian and has not been edited.

Married in America: money and American men

'30.05.2021'

Source: baikal-info.ru

Irkutsk journalist Marina Lykova, who married an American a few years ago, continues to tell curious things about life in the United States and about her marriage. Today - about the attitude of American men to money.

Photo: Shutterstock

- And about the fact that men spend money on me, I here in America do not even stutter. This is not for you in Russia. Here, if you don’t pay for a cup of coffee, you’ll scare men off how to drink. They are so fearful here. America spoiled them. Disfigured. Our women, Russian, living here, all as on selection of the clever-beauty. But men! These extra penny on the woman will not spend. The older they are, our men, and the longer they live here in the States, the more greedy they will be. Give them all for free! Moreover, according to my observations, they are almost all sick here. Well, those, at least, whom I met.

Local men always have fears that a woman wants to use it. They even have a special word for this - Agenda. Hidden plan, hidden intent type. So I recently watched a program on TV about an American who had been married for twenty years, and exactly twenty years later she filed for divorce. Because she had such a plan - to be married to this man for twenty years. To keep it all these years, to raise her children, educate, teach ... I would not, Marinochka, could. Twenty years of own life to the cat under the tail ?! So what that financially provides? Happiness something you want! With our, Russian, this, by the way, will not work. They will not let us use ourselves. They want whom ... not all, of course, but of those whom I met here in California. And what else I understood: anyone, even the most ill-mannered American, treats our woman better than her native Russian.

Even this year, that she was divorced, she was an artist. Chaser. Here, in America, it is fashionable to seem not to be like everyone else, which, in general, is rather difficult if you consider what kind of "porridge" is brewed, stuffed with ingredients from around the world.

He called himself a creator and a freelance artist, while he spent days on end watching television and watching Russian news or figure skating football. Coinage, too, however, did occasionally. Nobody bought anything from him: either the people didn’t understand a damn in art, or the prices for authoring minting to the people seemed to be transcendental to the art of the real one: for the tiny work he could easily have requested five thousand dollars. And for that kind of money to pay people, it did not concern him, although there was a lot of talent there and was not in those of his works.

On the subject: Married in America: in 45 woman is a berry again

The novel happened, as my “friend” tells, short but bright. Psychological rollerkoster, not otherwise. On the brain, he was a craftsman to ride, chaser this. On her birthday, he solemnly presented her with one of his old and non-marketable works: “Here. The most expensive thing I have. I give! ” When the new Russian girlfriends asked her about the new novel, how everything goes and about that, “does he even give you something?”, She fell silent for a long time. Her soul was important to her, not gifts, but you can’t be fed up with talking alone. She had been trying to break up with him many times, because he was not the "berry field", but everything did not work out in any way. And just before the New Year, the chaser began to hint openly to her that he “feels a liver”, that all the people closest to him have agreed and will buy, he feels, his works. To help him financially ... She missed this "hint" past the ears, and once, and another. And then, on the eve of their next meeting, he suddenly sent a message to my friend that a girl in love with him was an 18-year-old. Frenchwoman. And he can not refuse her ...

Relations, as you know, to complete the most correct for the holidays. New Year - the most suitable time for this. More precisely, the farewell of the old year - the best reason for parting. Symbolic. All unnecessary, obsolete and unloved let him stay there, in the outgoing year ...

That's how my friend completed her marriage exactly a year ago. Suddenly, on the threshold of my 47 anniversary, I decided that the American husband is absolutely unloved, that working two jobs with a living husband is fundamentally wrong, that they have no passion, and they have never had it. And she is already in America for five years, she is married, but for some reason she doesn’t feel herself happy, and we need to do something urgently with this. So she did - asked her husband for a divorce. Her husband is an American man, mild, he believed the married woman in tears and decided that since she wants a woman to be happy, she has no right to interfere with her. She, glad that everything was resolved so quickly, pointed her finger at the map of America. I got dyed in a bright scarlet color with a long, well-groomed nail exactly in California - that’s where her husband got lucky with his daughter and belongings from snow-covered Idaho. And there, in California, it is warm: palm trees, the sea, red hot sand, tanned handsome men in tight triceps T-shirts. She decided that now she and her daughter will finally heal. To the fullest will be happy and, most importantly, free. She always believed in her lucky star.

They divorced quietly and quickly. And the former husband with undisguised joy agreed to her timid offer to pay her and her 18-year-old girl separately for the first year. I don’t even guess what amount I’ve been talking about every month, but I only know one thing: the former wife didn’t rush to look for work on her first day on her arrival in California. They rented a flat with their daughter, furnished it with furniture from their favorite IKEA from Russian times. To live would be happy, because here it is - the long-awaited free-bo-yes!

Two months later, my daughter said that she could no longer be here in California, packed her belongings in two small suitcases and went back to the Idaho potato field. There, in Idaho, she has a boyfriend, and that says it all. Six months after she spent her daughter at the airport, the former American wife spent in tears - she did not dream of such freedom, leaving her husband.

She decided on dating sites to look for a Russian (more precisely, Russian-speaking) man who could be relied on in life. Such in California were found immediately and a lot.

- Why did you rush to look for a Russian? - I ask the first question that interests me. And I hear in response to what I feel myself:

- How why? They are dearer or something. Ours. We speak the same language. We think the same way.

She pauses for a while, and then, with a little sob, continues:

- But it is difficult with them, with ours. They certainly do not want to marry! Work normal and money from those with whom I met, no. Others in general do not want to work as a matter of principle, interrupting casual earnings, but at the same time self-styling themselves. With one we corresponded for three months. An interesting man seemed to me, well-read, serious. According to him, he has his own business, and, most importantly, he has been divorced for ten years. And he promises me everything to come, but he does not go. Then he suddenly says that he will come if I send him two hundred bucks on the road. On gasoline. And it's only two and a half hours to go from him to me! I did not like it, I decided to wait. Well, save up, maybe some money and come to meet me? It ended with him being so fascinated by me that I spat on all propriety and conventions and rushed to him myself. And he lives in the same house with his former wife and children, so I had to pay the hotel myself for four whole days (he just had so many weekends, he said, suddenly formed).

- Listen, why are you really like this with a fool, then slashed, eh? Couldn't the airport itself have a spare one, so that if you really leave your husband, then at least not in a vacuum?

- Now, Marinochka, I think that it would be necessary to do so. I hurried with a divorce. I thought that getting married would be easy, and finding work if you suddenly need it. And now I understand, already a year after the divorce, that it was necessary to live and not rip. What kind of love did I want in my old age? Somehow people live ...

On the subject: Married in America: Imported Bridegroom

I suddenly thought that our words could not be explained to us by our own words. But if you try ... Everything, it is known, is known by comparison.

Take, for example, manifestations of national characters in the work. (And what is the relationship and love - not work? Over the relationship, it is known, also need to work. Day after day). So a German, a man from the Caucasus and a Jew (because we most often see representatives of these nationalities in the jewelry and watch shops, in shoe repair) are ready to spend their whole lives strenuously, day after day, plod over their mini parts, tiny pebbles cogs, on someone's leaky soles. We will see there, in the workshops of these, anyone, but not Russian. Russian wants a lot at once. Our ancestors-tillers worked from dawn to dusk with sweat and blood, stubbornly, but for a short time. Because they sowed the harvest in the spring, collected it in the fall, and in the winter what to do? That's right, lie on the stove and babies plan. It did not occur to our ancestors that it would be possible to do something else in the winter, before the earth warmed up and dried out after a snowy winter.

And so all my life! So the fairy tales about Emelyu-fool who did not get off the stove lived in the people. Or about Ilya of Murom, who also spent 30 years and three years on the stove. But then they had everything at once. A lot of them all were in fairy tales. And fairy tales, as is known, are people's wisdom, they will not teach the bad. Here are our Russian brides and go to America for "everything at once". And if this does not work out, then they blame her husband’s failures and try to find a replacement for him. Yes, as quickly as possible. Life, it is short. There is no need to, like a German watchmaker, plod over the creation and strengthening of family relations day after day. Persistently. Just as the Germans (Jews, Armenians ...) refer to work.

I know another Russian who, having married here (the story of one of her marriage deserves a multivolume book), immediately set about taking care of herself. Extra crumbs in his mouth will not put. It will not take another step. Once again the words will not say, and certainly not smile (wrinkles will be!).

All sorts of utyazhki and suspenders, liposuction and other things were done at home, where the Russian diva went for a vacation every year - with the money of an old mother, who has spent her whole life saving pennies and pennies for pennies. Because, not having married her American yet, the woman knew that for a long time she would not linger under the same roof with him. But almost seven years have passed, and the cart (that is, the woman) is still there. And who said that Russian brides here in America, snapped up?

- You know, Marinochka, cat, I generally began to think that the best marriage was a guest. Then the feelings seem to be still fresh, and I always want to dress up and dress for my husband who lives from you at a distance, and I also want to show myself from the best side. After all, we, Russians, have a different attitude to the guest. Guest for us is always a holiday. And now I understand the meaning of the American saying better than anyone else: “I made a bed? So sleep now in it. ” We ourselves create what we have.

- Just a year I live without my husband, but you can write a book about the history of my marriage acquaintances for this past year, Marina.

- How many have you had? What are you, with all the former immigrants from the former USSR in the United States got acquainted? - I'm trying to joke.

She is not funny. “Almost,” he replies. “Now it's easier than ever - the Internet is the best matchmaker in the world. But you never know what kind of shit you run into. Not only does one shit float to me, they also have jokes about getting married to everyone, like one like this: "A man otgryz himself a finger and ran away to freedom." This is about a wedding ring, can you imagine? And I can't just turn the love for as long as I like, because the godiki are ticking. Yes, and what to hide? It would be nice to her husband's neck. So as before. That the medical insurance was. To not think in the store how much money I have, but just to pay everything I liked with my husband's card. After all, we are aging faster than men, Marinka. Young girls on heels tight. Sell ​​yourself profitably already oh how difficult! But the longer I live alone, the more I understand that it’s better not to waste time on our Russian speakers. ”

Lena arrived in America in old peasant sneakers, with a tattered bag and a toothbrush, which the very first Lenkin rover, seeing this half-worn something called a “personal hygiene item” in the hotel’s toilet room, was horrified and, even without asking for her permission, immediately sent in a trash can. (We must pay tribute to him: on the same day he bought her a new toothbrush).

But this is not the main thing. The main thing is that Lenka flew to conquer the States with breathtaking nails. Huge. Overhead. Colors are pink mother of pearl. And each counter man made a compliment to her nails. And I looked at my short-haired peasant short "natural" and for some reason she remembered that she had painted them once and for all in her life with colorless varnish on her wedding day ...

We, the Siberian women who are not spoiled by male attention, do not need to be explained that the man in our life does not start up himself, like a mole to another sewn mother in an atelier in a boyarka hat. I still remember those times when my mother every year, in autumn, sewed a hat to order for herself, and by the next summer it turned out that she had been picked up by the mole and it was necessary to sew another one. Okodno and richer. So we lived, considering the change of years sewn from natural fur and hats eaten by moths. Whatever it was with hats and moths, but in our, woman’s life, a man is completely accidental and, as it were, from nowhere, alas, not drawn. We, Russian women, have learned since childhood that we must fight for the attention of boys. And if God cheated on a bright appearance and a fragile figure, and it was these girls the boys kissed at school, such, but not me, a fat-boned and stout woman on her feet, then brains are working.

I, too, was brought up in the tradition that the young lady “must sit and wait,” when, finally, the ship sails to the shore under the scarlet sails. But somehow, having matured on my own misfortunes, having matured and even raising my daughter with the help of my parents (and absolutely without my husband), I realized that “if you don’t sell yourself, nobody will buy you.” But to show the face of the goods - that’s what our female cunning consists of. But it’s better to show your “goods” to the correct “target audience” and not to everyone who wears a tie. Even in America itself!

But Lena as long as all the same. With her rose-pearl nails she would be glad to attract everyone in a row simply because the men here are not ours, Russians. The men here are a-me-ri-kan-tsy. Read - "celestials".

When Lena called me from the store and asked in a half-whisper patter whether to take money from her new boyfriend as a gift, I was speechless. Never before have I somehow thought about the question: “To take money from a potential groom or not to take it?”. And if you take, how much, provided that they give with all my heart and a pure heart? But even more, my jaw dropped, when to my idle question: “Where are you?” - I heard that the groom brought her shopping ... in second-hand. More precisely, he suggested that Lenka go shopping together and already drove her to all the local shops of used rags. Now here they are in this, the last. And he, while I hastily scrolled together with Elena the situation about “taking her money or not taking it,” and how they generally act in such cases, I had already lent my whole Russian woman twenty dollars. I, stunned by such a bachelor of sudden generosity and barely pressing the "end the conversation" button, heard Lena make a call again. And asked what she now do with this money. Spend on some used shit right now or is it still appropriate to put money in your wallet to dispose of the gift later? And then I was not strong. Having promised Lenka to think over the question: “What does international etiquette say in such cases?”, I hung up the phone. A minute later, Lena called again and said in a fallen voice: “Marina, you know, he took them from me.”

- What did you take? - did not reach me.

- I took the money! - almost sobbed Lenka.

- How so? - I wondered. - He just gave them to you and asked him not to deny himself anything.

- Well, yes. But he looked after himself some three goofy sweaters and decided that if I didn’t buy anything for myself, then he would spend the money on himself.

When Lenka had come the time to return home, to Irkutsk, she became very thoughtful: how to “arrange” all her suitors so as not to knock them with their noses and so that everyone would continue to dwell in holy conviction that he was beloved and the only beloved Russian. One arriving from the city of Big Apple and in order to meet with a Russian who settled in a hotel nearby for two whole weeks (later, however, it turned out that he was married!) My countrywoman had to lie that she thought of it from early morning when the boyfriend was still sleeping at retirement age, swim in the pool Golds Gym. The second had to compose a story about the fact that Lenka was going on a trip to the national parks of America ... As she managed to do all this without knowing the English language, it is still incomprehensible to me, because that’s how people who were born in America but not yesterday all the same?

I recently read the reflections of a Russian psychologist about which male love declarations attract us, women, the most. There were three most common confessions to choose from: “I love you, marry me,” “I can't live without you,” and “Let's pull this life belt together.” I personally liked the last offer of a hand and heart: a man calls a woman into one team and together, together ... No one promises stars from the sky, but at least he’s honest.

But here I read right there, that out of thousands of women surveyed, not one voted for the “recognition” I have chosen. But most would choose a man who can not live without her, ostensibly. “But somehow he lived before? Before meeting with you? ”- I cite a mental argument and immediately follow my own thoughts from a psychologist that such“ requests ”are most often operated by parasites and alcoholics, ready to sit on the neck of a Russian woman in love.

And that psychologist gave an interesting look at what couples could claim a long relationship. There are only three criteria for this: a general outlook, common tastes in food, sex and a desire to stroke each other. Just so, in such a sequence. And if you think about it, marriage with an American or a citizen of some other country does not portend a long and happy relationship. Because the tastes in food we, Russians, differ from the tastes of all the same Americans, like Mars and Venus. I like salmon caviar and beef tongue, but 99% of Americans curl their faces at the mere mention of these products. I love fried liver, but if I'm going to cook it, I have to warn my husband about it in two days. So he had time to plan his departure from home. For a long time. Until the smell of my favorite dish disappears.

In other words, all these “grooming” practices preach one thing: a husband must be sought among his own. To be raised on some fairy tales. To common tastes in food. And again, if I like liver and beef tongue, so that I probably know that my future husband will not disappear from the house just because the smell of the delicacies I prepare makes me mad and makes him sick. And he runs from home. Just not to smell.

For some reason it always seemed to me that our women are the strongest and most enduring. Well, the fact that the most educated and intelligent - and there are no questions. Because how can we survive in our Russian conditions, while managing to be weak, sexy and tender, while stopping a three-year-old child on the chest and stopping the horse on the way to a burning hut? In short, if one does not apply the will and healthy such obstinacy in daily life, a woman in Russia cannot survive. And now I appreciate all of our women with these, or their own, or grafted with me, criteria from childhood. And they, the measure of these, do not work for all equally, it turns out. Here is a simple example: the bride, who came to me in search of an imported husband, decided to walk along the first snowball to a nearby hotel, where another admirer stopped. To the hotel on foot from my house under the hill for about five minutes. If it's a fine day. In the snow and frosty morning - even sooner. Irkutsk women would have overcame such distances in a frost in three minutes. But then at home. Here in America, one self-awareness that you are among capitalists and capitalism, relaxes the newcomers, or what? Does it deprive them of their strength, energy, will, and obstinacy?

My friend was supposed to arrive at the hotel exactly at the beginning of breakfast. So that they, together drinking some coffee with a bun, set off on a rented car to inspect the surroundings. She came out with a margin of forty minutes. And late! By the end of breakfast late!

- How so? - I ask. What happened?

And I hear in response that she was walking. Fresh snowball. With finger depth. And somehow tired. And hungry. And she saw a cafe on the way to the hotel. I went. Sela. Undressed. Coffee ordered. With a roll. I paid ten bucks like that, but I sat well, not hurrying anywhere. And then, having eaten, drunk, got dressed and, leaving the cafe, she crossed the road and found herself ... in a hotel.

- How are you? Why was it spent on breakfast, once a buffet waited at the hotel? - I wondered.

- Yes, I somehow decided that I also had to go ... I did not think that the hotel was under my nose.

I am taking the phone from her hands with the most beautiful pink-pearlescent overhead nails.

- Everything! Enough! He is doing you a disservice! You do not learn anything, giving the phone to translate for you, speak for you. You won’t even have to open your mouth with your smart phone! You never learn the language like that!

I give her a pocket Russian-English dictionary. To flip through in search of the right word. To read and memorize the words along the way, write down a phrase. Anyway, sooner or later something should be laid in the head. Forcing a girlfriend before calling another man, or before sitting with him "at the negotiating table" (on a video session), or before leaving the house, or going on a date ... on a piece of paper to make a list of individual questions intended just for this particular person. So, to show him your sincere interest. And in general, the questions should be in English and sort of for the perfect interview. For an interview professional.

Difficulties arose immediately. At the first stage.

When it turned out that not only in English the question is not born at all, but even in Russian. Our ladies are not able, having thrown back all sorts of stamps, to think independently. To think with your heart. After an hour of panting, I read: “Where did you come from?”, “Where did you come from?”, “Where do you live - in your own home or a rental housing?”, “Big house? How many rooms? ”,“ Who do you work? ”,“ Where did you study? ”,“ Who are the parents? ”.

- Damn it, Lenka! What are you Questions - they must go from the heart. You're not taking him to work! Ask so to show him your interest! So that he could talk about himself and talk for hours, without a break. Have you not read a single book of psychologists? And anyway, I’ll draw a straight scheme for you now, how to conduct an interview. You should always ask such questions that imply detailed answers. Well, to avoid the yes and no answers. But if suddenly the answer is still “no”, you should be ready and the question should be appropriately reserved in advance. In case the answer is no, ask the following question ... Do you understand?

For some reason, in recent years, to the Internet dating the attitude that the weaker sex, that the strong half is not the most enthusiastic. And this is not only in Russia or in America. But I am an optimist and continue to rejoice over those who are still lucky to open a pearl ... you know where. This is the story of an acquaintance on the Internet of another of my local acquaintance and her happy marriage with an American (albeit 25 who came here for permanent residence from Moscow years ago), which has been lasting for more than a year and, apparently, will last for a long time. She is a music worker in kindergarten. High. Dry Long-nosed. Uninteresting in the conventional sense, a young woman. Slouching and wearing shoes with a flat sole, so as not to appear even taller. She is over thirty, straight dark, never knowing dyed hair and not a single boyfriend either in the present or in the past. The chances of a happy (and in general, any kind of marriage) in the Siberian wilderness is zero. And now she decides that something needs to be done, but her gray hair has already reached ... She left her profile on one marriage site, not really hoping for anything. No good photos were available, and Nelya put the last one, by chance, on the run, made by some mommy at the last matinee. Nelja is there in a light strict blouse and a strict dark skirt. Hair gathered at the top, like a teacher. Yes, she is a music teacher.

The first letter from a man from America, from the most sinful city of Las Vegas, came the very next day.

Sasha, eighteen years older than her, wrote that he was already tired of games and wanted normal and calm, and most importantly, simple relationships. Family wants and children. He writes that he doesn’t need a dauber, but a woman who is tired of loneliness and loves children will be just right. For everything else, Sasha wrote to her, no need to worry. She, not believing her happiness, answered shortly: typed her phone number with a code.

He called her every night, and in the afternoon and in the morning he sent messages to the phone about what the weather was like in Las Vegas and how nice the sun was shining, or that his mom got sick again today ... After a month of evening telephone calls (and for each evening she prepared thoroughly, wrote down on a piece of paper about what and how she would talk with Sasha, what news she would tell, what would she ask, so not to forget what) he invited her to visit. In America. In the most fun city in the world - Las Vegas. I paid her a trip for a guest visa to Moscow, to the embassy. Then, when the visa was in her pocket, I bought her a plane ticket.

She stayed here in the USA for only two weeks - work is still in kindergarten! Sasha made a marriage proposal later when he flew to visit the bride. In general, the relationship between them and the truth is simple: they immediately said what was expected of each other and of marriage. Got married He turned out to be a doctor, which in America is not only superlative, but also super money. Here, the truth, God did not give children for a long time. Eight years. But then two boys went after each other. She also didn’t sit at the table all these years, but taught piano lessons to the children of rich Vegas residents. For eight years, the clientele has become so many that she had to start hiring teachers. Further more. Now she has the most fashionable and expensive music school in the city, and she, who has moved to a smaller town because of her children because of her children for a long time, has to go to Las Vegas almost every week to continue giving music lessons there. Yes, and why not fly, when the parents of the students are willing to gladly pay her anything, not just hourly work and flights with hotels !?

- Do you remember, Marina, I told you how worried that I was not beautiful enough and good for my current husband? Nonsense is all this! This is why everything happened so wonderfully at once that we didn’t dramatize the relationship. Simple relationships - the most that is necessary.

“And without overlaid varnished nails,” I added to myself.

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