Body language: 10 errors on a date with an American
'26.09.2018'
Source: The Daily Mail
There are many obvious ways to upset a date if you don't like the person and the conversation you are with. But few people realize how many meetings turn into failure for unobvious reasons: you liked each other, but something went wrong. Body language says more about us than words can say - and the interlocutor involuntarily reads these signals, interpreting them in their own way. If the first dates are the only ones over and over again, it is worth considering: what is your body transmitting to a potential partner?
You are constantly twitching
- What signals: I'm worried and uncomfortable
This is not the most attractive habit - small, repetitive, fussy actions that we constantly repeat, being in a state of stress or discomfort, writes The Daily Mail. For example, you drum your fingers on the table, tap or jerk with your feet, flick a ballpoint pen, finely tear napkins or draw on them, constantly look at the phone. If it's hard for you to stop messing around, take one hand with the other. This is an effective, self-contained gesture.
You do not know where to put your hands
- What signals: I'm nervous and not confident in myself
You cannot find use for your hands - clench your fists tightly, twist rings on your fingers, dig your fingers into a glass, bag or menu so that your knuckles turn white. All of this speaks of anxiety. If you put your fingers in your mouth (for example, biting your nails or biting the skin around), this signals a strong self-doubt. According to psychologists, this is one way to return to the internal association with breastfeeding and a sense of calmness emanating from the mother. A bit according to Freud, but there is something in it. Even if you disagree with the above, stop. All this looks extremely unattractive.
You keep your arms still
- What signals: I'm afraid of you
"What should I do with my hands anyway?" - the question that is most often asked to experts when hearing another criticism of the position of the hands. The answer is to periodically change their position. Any position will look awkward if you hold it for too long.
Practice two or three different hand positions in front of the mirror and switch between them as you communicate. A good move if you are nervous on a date is to steepling (the hands are opposite each other, and only the fingertips are closed). This series of touches has a calming effect and makes you appear more confident, since “stepping” is a favorite gesture of strong and powerful people.
Women tend to prefer the unobtrusive form of this gesture, pointing their fingers downward, while men tend to have a high stippling option, with the fingertips pointing up.
You hide your hands under the table
- What signals: I'm lying or hiding something
It is very important to keep your hands in the field of view of the interlocutor - do not sit on them, do not hide them in your pockets or put them between your knees. People hide their hands when they don't want others to notice their excitement and nervous tremors. And they also do this when they deceive the interlocutor or want to hide something. Just place your hands on the table. Good positions are those where the hands are relaxed and open, and the palms are facing the person you want to impress.
It is best to avoid crossing your arms, although you may be able to cross them loosely and release the hitch by leaning forward and resting your elbows on the table (but do not stay in this position for long). Use your hands to illustrate words - gesture when you speak. You can and should "animate" your hands - move them in the air, speaking emotionally; Leaning forward to touch the person while talking, if appropriate throw your hair back, smooth your clothes. It's important not to overdo it with repeating the same gesture.
You support your head with your hand
- Signals: I don't think I'm attractive and / or I'm bored
People who are not too confident in their appearance tend to sit, leaning their heads on their chins and thereby closing part of their face. Those who like their own face, trying to show it from all sides (for this, many women instinctively draw hair back). Looking out from behind your hand, you not only hide most of your face, but you also do not show its visible part in your own interests.
Even worse, sitting with your fist or palm resting on your elbow on the table. This is the classic bored person pose. Anyone who sits in this way is not interested in either the interlocutor or his words. Just don't do that.
You hold a glass or bag straight ahead
- What signals: you're scaring me, I need protection
Small children run to mom, and hide behind her legs under the table if something frightened them. The instincts of an adult say to do the same, but just imagine such a behavior ... Instead, we set more acceptable barriers: we set a chair, a table, we have a bag, a book, a drink, which creates the illusion of security.
Place your purse down if possible. If not, keep it lower and to the side. Don't put your coat or other items in front of you - ideally, there should be nothing between you and the person you are interested in. Let the glass of drink sit in the middle of your body, or better yet, set it on the table between sips.
You are sitting still
- What signals: I'm ashamed and nervous
“People on the move” is a phrase used to describe interesting, dynamic people. Try to take it literally. Many shy, nervous, and sometimes just uninteresting people tend to behave in a constrained manner - they are like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a car.
Research shows that enthusiastic, intelligent, passionate people do the opposite - they move a lot. The best way to follow their example is to practice in front of a mirror. Try different poses, shift your weight to one hip, calmly place your hands in a low grip in front of you, put one hand on your thigh, and so on. Find your attractive pose. Worst way to face someone: arms crossed high and ankles crossed. This speaks of closeness and inaccessibility.
You slouch or “hide” your head in your shoulders
- What signals: I am not confident in myself, I have low expectations from the meeting, I am hostile
How we conduct ourselves reflects our past, our personality and our attitude towards life. People make up 90% of their opinion of you in the first 90 seconds, and your posture plays an important role in this. A straight, fit person tells others about their high self-esteem. By the way, psychologists say that changing the position of the body also affects internal sensations - straighten up, and quite possibly feel more confidence. And bent shoulders are a sign of constant frustration and / or a heavy burden. This does not make a very pleasant impression.
You do not look into the eyes of the interlocutor
What signals: you can not trust me, I'm not interested in you
The eyes reveal all our emotions. The more you look someone in the eye, allowing the person to see all your secrets, the more confident, attractive and truthful you seem to him. Direct, steady eye contact is one of the easiest ways to help yourself look more confident.
If you make a date, looking into the distance or down, you show your interlocutor that the floor or table is more interesting than himself. In addition, we literally can not look away from those who we liked. The message that the person receives, if you do not look into his eyes: I do not find you attractive.
You cover your mouth with your hand
- What signals: I'm hiding something
We cover our mouth with our hand for two reasons: we don’t like our teeth (correct or learn to love them), and we instinctively try not to let out what we should not or do not want to talk about. Therefore, people associate this with secrecy, and sometimes rudeness - they bring their hand to their mouth, not wanting to say a swear word or have just uttered it. This is not a very good gesture anyway, and especially during a date.
The secret from the expert: how to understand whether you like:
Try a little game. Start playing with any object on the table.
- Make sure it's on your side or center - a glass of wine, a toothpick holder, a salt shaker, or a pepper shaker. Leaning slightly on the chair, stroke it absently with both hands.
- Imperceptibly push the object towards the partner. Move it a little along the invisible line that separates both of you. Now remove your hands, lean back and continue to chat.
See how he reacts. If the man is not attracted, he will instinctively push the object towards the line on your side - feeling uncomfortable and trying to unknowingly resist the approach. If, instead, he does not touch the object (good) or (very well) picks up or touches it, it is quite possible that he wants events to develop.
- Lean forward and place your elbows on the table. Use your fingers to touch your glass and start pushing it along the line in the direction of the interlocutor. See if he will do the same.
- A person who likes you will also slightly lean forward, take his glass or other object and push on your side of the table.
And if he leans back and puts his hands on his knees, it's time to call a taxi ... for one.
