The article has been automatically translated into English by Google Translate from Russian and has not been edited.

'I married my mother': an unusual love story of two women from California


Source: Air force

This story is extraordinary. It is about love between two women. To live together, two lesbians from California became a family, but not in marriage, but through adoption, writes Air force.

Photo: Shutterstock

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When Lillian and Phyllis met, most American states still had laws against LGBT people.

In California, the law against sodomy was repealed only in 1975 - the decision came into force the following year.

“We were considered criminals almost anywhere in the world,” Lillian told the BBC World Service Outlook radio program. “Most lesbians were hiding.”

First Steps Undercover

When the women started dating, they did not tell others about their orientation.

“It was a time to keep your mouth shut and live as if nothing had happened,” Phyllis said.

However, colleagues at the university were difficult to deceive. “They called us Fillian and Lillis because we went everywhere together,” Faderman recalled.

“I think everyone realized we were a couple when my books on the history of lesbianism began to come out.”

On the subject: How simple and understandable to talk with children about same-sex relationships


In 1974, they decided to have a baby. Lillian is 11 years younger than the Phillies, and she went to the clinic for reproduction.

In vitro fertilization was not a common practice at that time, especially for single mothers. However, Lillian persuaded the doctor to help her.

“The doctor asked me why I'm not married if I want to have a child,” she plunged into memories. - I answered: “I am 34 years old, I have a degree and the position of the second vice-president of the university for academic affairs. It is difficult for men with me.”

The doctor agreed to artificial insemination, which was successful.

Family of three

Lillian gave birth to a son, Avrom, in 1975. He became the only child in the family.

Soon, women realized that their position had serious flaws in terms of law.

“We were concerned that there were no legal ties between us,” Lillian explained. “We were worried that if Avrom got sick and Phyllis needed to take him to the doctor, there would be no legal basis for him to be considered her son.”

At that time, same-sex couples were not allowed to adopt children and give birth through artificial insemination.

Mother and daughter

Then they decided to take advantage of the law that existed in California, which allowed adults to adopt each other if the age difference between them was at least 10 years.

In this case, the Phillies could become Avrom's grandmother.

The couple did not doubt their decision.

“It was just a way for me to become a legal relative of Avrom,” Phyllis explained. She even joked in a BBC interview that they had committed incest.

Lillian recalled the decision more seriously: “We didn't think it was strange because we never treated each other like mother and daughter. We went for it to get around the law. ”

Lillian Faderman. Photo: video frame YouTube / PBS Books

Mom phyllis

Women used their legend not only in relations with the bureaucracy.

“When Avrom was born, there were few children around him who were raised by two lesbian moms. When he was little, he introduced Phyllis to his friends as a grandmother, Lillian clarified. “It seems to me that it was easier for him, although he knew perfectly well that Phyllis was his second mother.”

“He always called her 'Mom Phyllis'. Now he is 45 years old, and he still calls her that,” said Lillian.

California legalized same-sex marriage in 2008. Lillian and Phyllis got married the day after the law was passed.

They did not annul the adoption, so in terms of the law, the women became mother and daughter in marriage.

“For us, adoption was only on paper, so we didn't care,” Lillian said.

On the subject: РљР ° Рє Р ± С ‹РІС € Р ° СЏ РјРёСЃСЃ СССРстР° Р» Р ° женой Р · РЅР ° менитой теннисисткии

Bad news

However, women soon learned that their marriage was invalid because they did not annul the adoption.

Moreover, in many US states they could theoretically be prosecuted for incest if they visited without terminating their adoption.

When same-sex marriages were legalized throughout the United States in 2015, a lawyer advised them to annul the adoption and marry again. They did so.

Soon a request appeared from their son Avrom. “As soon as Phyllis 'abandoned me', our son realized that he was no longer legally associated with her. And he asked her to adopt him. "

Again adoption

A beautiful ceremony was held in the presence of his wife and son Avrom.

“It was something special,” Phyllis reminisced. “I sang lullabies to him when he was still in the womb, changed diapers when he was a baby, and now he is a grown man, and he wants me to legally become his mother.”

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