The article has been automatically translated into English by Google Translate from Russian and has not been edited.

I got married in the USA and will help you: the matchmaker told how to marry an American

'26.09.2020'

A source: NGS.ru

After a divorce, a Siberian woman met love in the USA and told how women can find 4 grooms at once and no longer cook food, writes NGS.ru. Next - from the first person.

Photo: Shutterstock

About the past

In Novosibirsk, I was engaged in the purchase and sale of real estate. I never intended to move to America. She studied at the Trade Institute as a food service technologist. I didn't have time to work in my specialty - I flew to America when I was 22 years old. I never thought or thought of moving anywhere - everything happened spontaneously (my friend invited me to visit her).

About emigration

The main difficulties on the way of an emigrant, of course, are fear. We do not take any steps simply because we are afraid that we do not have enough information. Sometimes you lost heart, but you couldn't relax, because in America you have to pay for everything. For an apartment, for gas, for electricity, taxes. I had to act all the time.

Differences in the mentality of Russian and American men

An American man treats a woman like ... a woman. He does not expect that she will cook, clean, that she will iron his shirts, even if this man is a fairly rich and successful businessman.

Russian men, even those who live in America, expect this from a woman. Our Russian mentality is built in such a way that a woman must work, clean up, cook, and support her family - to do everything to make her husband happy. The American man believes that for this you can hire other people, or he will not clean at all, but he will not demand this from his woman either.

About a career in New York

In America, I received my second higher education, where I started everything completely from scratch. The choice was deliberate, in contrast to the first training in Novosibirsk.

At the age of 25 I went to study in America. Everyone warned me that it was difficult to become a psychologist - they said that you need a very good language and it is easier to get the profession of a nurse, but I resisted: this is definitely not mine.

Many Russian immigrant girls work as nurses in hospitals, there are good salaries, it is easy to study and perfect English is not needed.

On the subject: What I Sorely Miss in America: The Experience of an Immigrant

After I finished my studies, I worked at the clinic for some time. I did practice in a hospital, because psychology in America is completely based on medicine. She worked with alcohol addicted patients. At the same time I was also engaged in individual activities, kept my blog, held consultations - and at some point my business began to grow. It became much more interesting and easier for me to work for myself. A personal consultation costs $ 90.

Half of my clients are girls from Russia, mainly Moscow, the other half are people living in New York and America. The main request is relationships, the second most popular is the purpose and realization of oneself in a career.

About family

The peculiarity of creating a family with a foreigner is that the husband does not perceive his wife as inferior to himself. My spouse doesn't think that I owe him anything. I shouldn't, for example, clean or cook. Only if I want to. Even when I have a desire, my spouse says: “No, why? I don’t want you to cook and then wash the dishes. I'll order myself some sushi. " If I am not at home, and my husband has eaten, he will always wash the dishes without problems.

I don't feel any difference in our mentality. I dreamed about such a family. I don't think it is right when a man treats a woman as his slave, who should only cook, wash, clean, raise children and at the same time go to work.

Americans think it over in advance. We know where we will go to rest six months in advance. My husband pre-arranged various insurance policies in case something happened to him, so that nothing would unsettle my life and the life of our child. Therefore, Americans practice marriage contracts and like to plan everything - I really like that.

 

On the subject: 'Food is of terrible quality, but convenient': an immigrant explained why Americans don't cook at home

About loneliness and depression

There are a lot of single people in New York who purposefully exclusively earn money; most of those living in metropolitan areas do not have the original goal of starting a family. They want to build a career.

Many people suffer from depression, but in public it is not customary to show sadness and negativity. They were taught to smile, and inside the cats scratch. It turns out a dissonance - they become frequent clients of psychologists. What do these people need? Sometimes it's easy to speak up. In New York, it's easier to go to a specialist and find answers than to go to a friend or neighbor. In Russia, they like to go to their neighbors more: "I'd rather go to Masha with a bottle of wine for free and get all the answers." Instead of psychologists, we still like to go to pseudo-psychics and grandmothers. It is good that now psychological counseling is gaining popularity in Russia.

You need to develop and not stand still. The biggest mistake women make is that they are waiting for the same man-wizard to come and make their life a fairy tale. You need to constantly invest in yourself and your development - and then the right man will appear himself.

On the subject: Is it true that Americans are hypocritical: the opinion of a Russian-speaking immigrant

Another problem is when girls themselves are active and energetic. Such develop until they have a prince: after a while they calm down, and all their plans and goals turn into the plans and goals of their husbands. And then we wonder why my husband no longer loves us. The main thing is not to lose the ability to develop, then there will always be success on the personal front.

About fashion in Russia and America

I flew to Russia - and that in Moscow, that in Novosibirsk, the eye is pleasing: all with hairstyles, in beautiful clothes and high heels. There is no such thing in America. New York is even more or less, and if you go to Colorado, everyone walks there in comfortable, simple clothes.

In the USA, everything is built on convenience, often girls go even without makeup. There are, however, in New York women, like in the TV series "Sex and the City", but there are very few of them. Mostly Russians are striking - they are immediately visible, they dress brightly, they have hairstyles, manicure, heels. For example, in Colorado, in general, there is a problem with beautiful well-groomed women. So if you want to find an American groom, you can go to any small state. Americans love Russian women, but in New York it is more difficult because they are already spoiled by our girls. In small states and cities, there are a lot of handsome, imposing men and very few beautiful and well-groomed women.

A lot of my clients come to me for relationship problems. “It seems beautiful, smart, I go on dates, but all this is for one or two times, or the men do not notice, do not see me,” they complain. We begin to analyze this problem, and, as one of the options, if the same man does not come across in your country, you can marry a foreigner. But you need to take it as a job, that is, very seriously.

On the subject: What Americans consider indecent behavior: immigrant notes

This work was done by my own sister - she registered on a dating site. It should be a paid site, because only those men are sitting there who are willing to pay for information, and not just find a woman for one night. But there are a lot of perverts everywhere, and there are enough men who are married and want to find a woman for themselves for one night, so you need to be very careful.

Be serious about filling out the questionnaire, photographs and description on the site. Men are people too, and if you write, conventionally, that you are such a rascal and you need millions, then no one will write to you. Americans are afraid of women with great wealth claims. It needs to be a little simpler. And most importantly - a very good-natured and open, and not the Snow Queen from Siberia. Americans love sociability and smiles.

I also advise you to write several letters in advance, the main theses, facts about yourself, because it is difficult to write the same thing every time.

Do not be afraid to go to men's accounts yourself. It's okay for Americans if you just say, "Hello, how are you?" The USA is a country where you can talk in an elevator or a store, and this is not seen as flirting with connotations.

Before going on a date, it is better to call on Skype, see if his demeanor / conversation does not repulse you, and only after that you can make an appointment. I advise you to be selective about this. For example, my sister went on dates for 4 months, during which time she had 3 official marriage proposals - good wealthy men. Then she could not choose between two men - a psychologist and a police officer, in the end she chose the one who communicates better with her child. It was a policeman. And now they are preparing for the wedding.

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