Everyone is getting divorced: why is this not a reason for pessimism
'04.08.2019'
Source: Adme
Today, divorce has become a social norm, and the number of people willing to save an unsuccessful marriage by any means decreases every year. According to sociologists, the number of divorces is growing worldwide. Scientists analyzed data for 40 years in 84 countries of the world and came to the conclusion that the percentage of dissolution of marriages during this time has doubled. For example, in Russia and the CIS countries, about half of family unions disintegrate.
AdMe.ru I decided to figure out why now there are so many divorces and what to do about it.
The most common causes of divorce in terms of statistics
On average, a modern marriage lasts 7 – 10 years, depending on the country. According to studies, the main reasons for couples to part are more or less the same. So, most often people disagree because of adultery, financial problems, and also because of selfishness and lack of understanding between spouses. And today more often women are the initiators of divorces. Psychologists say that they are more emotional, therefore they experience any failure much sharper and are more likely to analyze what is happening in the family. And since now the rights of women are much better protected, they are free to choose their own destiny: to live independently or together with her husband.
However, in addition to these traditional and fairly obvious causes of divorce, there are also other ones due to modern realities. Below we will try to understand in more detail what could lead to the disintegration of the family in the 21st century.
Today you can easily survive alone
The institution of the family is inevitably influenced by new economic realities. Today, when the world has entered a new era of post-industrial society, a person for the first time has acquired the ability to live comfortably alone. Before that, the family was created for joint survival. A man of the pre-industrial and even industrial era could not feed himself. By definition, a family is a joint household. So now it has become possible to lead it without someone's help: both a man and a woman in the modern world can well earn their living. That is why loners have become an alternative to families - people who run the household on their own.
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This is a completely new concept in the history of mankind. And the point here is not so much that we have become more egocentric. We just had such an opportunity.
So people are no longer kept in marriage by the potential financial difficulties that await them in case of a divorce. It is logical that if a woman works, then she is not afraid to be left without means of livelihood.
High lifespan and serial monogamy
There is still a tacit opinion in society that if the family is, then it is for life. However, life expectancy is increasing throughout the world compared to even the 20th century, and this greatly affects family relationships. Let's imagine the average couple that is going to get married.
Suppose the bride 25 – 28 years, and the groom 28 – 32. It is rather difficult to assume that they will live together for 40 – 45 years, because everything can change dramatically. People have different goals or aspirations, so it’s impossible to predict in advance what they will do in 20 – 30 years. That is, the current relationship model is often this: people get married, have children, raise them to a certain age and get divorced.
This is why modern sociologists talk about serial monogamy. What it is? Monogamy is a union of two people, which means staying true to each other. And serial monogamy is a model of relationships when a person enters into several monogamous unions during his life, while maintaining loyalty within their framework.
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The fact is that, despite the sexual revolution and the assertion of the principle of freedom of relationships between people, polyamory and treason are still not welcome and are not the choice of most couples. People want loyalty in relationships and in the family. True, not for the rest of his life. Marriages concluded once and for all become a rare occurrence, since such a model was acceptable when people died at a young enough age by modern standards.
Thus, serial monogamy becomes a common practice for modern people: spouses do not change each other, they simply end their relationship and start a new life with someone else.
We have become more demanding of the partner
In the 21st century, we have become more critical with regard to our halves and relations in general. There are several reasons for this.
First, since we now need relationships not for survival, but for pleasure, we want to become better with our loved ones. Also important to us are the social status and ambitions of the husband or wife. If we do not see mutual development in marriage and understand that we no longer inspire each other, then we divorce and look for a more suitable person.
Secondly, we have changed the way of life, which rather strongly affects the institution of the family. In the modern world, we began to spend more time together and communicate much more closely. This is due to a change in the concept of work and work day. Political scientist Catherine Schulman believes that people in the 20th century saw each other much less often than in the 21st century. It used to be like? Early in the morning a person leaves for work, returns late in the evening, and the woman also gets homework. The interaction was at a minimum.
Of course, this style of living together is still common, but today, especially in large cities, the concept of work has become rather vague. Increasingly, people are switching to remote or partially remote work, opening their start-up or a small business, and cleaning can be performed by cleaning services. Accordingly, it becomes extremely important for a person with whom he lives and spends leisure time. Therefore, the value of family ties is growing, but the demands on each other are also growing.
More opportunities for dating
With the development of the Internet, it became much easier to meet a new person. All kinds of social networks, dating sites and dating applications have significantly expanded the pool of potential partners.
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How did you meet before? Basically either with the help of family and friends, or by studying and working. Of course, there was always the factor of casual acquaintance on the street, in transport or at dance, but it was still not so popular. Today, thanks to the Internet, the whole world is open for people to meet, especially if they speak foreign languages. If the current relationship does not develop, it is not so terrible to be alone, because now there are much more chances to find a person who likes himself with similar interests and hobbies.
What to do with all this?
It cannot be said that in the modern world the family has lost its former value, it has rather transformed itself. The divorce rate tells us that people just became more discriminating and want more from each other. At the same time, they became more free in their choice both in one and in the other direction. Neither women nor men are willing to hold on to an unhappy marriage, they prefer to end difficult relationships and start rebuilding life with a new person.
We are no longer ready to save the family because of the children or for the sake of financial well-being, because we are not afraid to be alone. Therefore, do not be afraid because of the high percentage of divorces, because today we enter into marriages in order to be happy, and not because it is so convenient and profitable.
Do you have your own versions, why are there many divorces now? Maybe you can share a story from personal experience?
