Eternal children: how modern parents raise egoists and infantils
'25.11.2021'
Source: Rambler
It seems that 30 years ago, the word "infantilism" was used only in the medical environment. No one really guessed that one could live to the age of majority, then - until graduation, marriage certificates (and not just one), but not take responsibility, be helpless in solving simple everyday issues, not think about the consequences of their actions and demonstrate childish, immature behavior.
Of course, there were such specimens before, but now there is a clear epidemic of infantilism among those who are a little over 20, notes Rambler.
One friend of mine decided to ask her daughter, who at that time was about 14 years old, what kind of subject at school is “Social Studies” - what is taught there? The daughter proudly replied that in the first lesson they had been taught about their rights. As you know, the "Convention on the Rights of the Child" was adopted by the UN General Assembly and entered into force in September 1990. It sets out the rights of a person under the age of 18, that is, a child. And all this is great: children should know that they have the right to know their parents, choose a religion, use health services, and so on.
After a couple of weeks, a friend decided to find out what they told the children about the duties in the social studies class? My daughter looked at her mother in surprise and blurted out that they didn’t say anything like that and why mention this at all. How so? You have rights, this is logical and correct, but responsibilities usually are attached to rights.
For example, to comply with the school's charter, obey parents (we do not consider cases of rude and inadequate behavior on the part of the latter), and not violate the rules of behavior at home and in public places. Responsibilities also include basic education and more. There is still, we recall, the criminal code, and there it is quite interesting, because with the 14 years, criminal liability has also been added for a number of offenses. This adolescents, too, would not hurt to know.
Another interesting story told me sister. At the parent meeting there was a question about cleaning the classrooms. Many parents remembered how they were on duty at school and washed the floors, the board, and even washed the curtains during the holidays. However, some mothers were indignant with all their hearts: this is slavery and the use of child labor! Let's pay the cleaning lady.
Of course, it’s great that some have the opportunity to invite household helpers who will clean the bed behind your child and put the dirty plate in the dishwasher. And if difficult times come to the family and outside help becomes impossible for some time, how will your fully grown-up child serve himself? Most likely, no way, because he just can not do it. Moreover, he believes that others are obliged to do it for him. Anyone - mom, dad, grandmother or neighbor, but not him.
It seems that this is nonsense, not everyone knows how or wants to wash dishes. I agree, but mothers all over the world probably don't think dish washing is the most attractive pastime, right? But nevertheless they wash, cook, clean, go shopping, and so on, and so on. Psychologists all over the world have long been vying with each other: a child should have household chores. Feasible, not taking all their free time, but obligated.
He should carry his socks and dirty jeans to the basket with dirty linen, and not scatter it anywhere, and your child should also maintain order in common areas (his room, if any, from adolescence becomes completely his area of responsibility), put after put things in place, clean up the dishes, and so on. These are those simple actions with which any child, if he is not burdened with a diagnosis with mental pathology, is quite able to cope. Of course, if the "mothers" do not feel sorry for him.
It all starts with the 3 age, when the child has a first age crisis associated with physical separation from the parents. The child suddenly discovers that he is a separate creature, and something must be done about it. Begins the well-known “I myself”, which many parents sometimes simply cannot survive.
The child wants to tie her own shoelaces, but mom has no time, no patience, and in general she will do better.
The kid wants to collect his toys himself, but the parents, for the same reasons, simply do not allow him to do this. The girl wants to help her mother wash the dishes or cook dinner: oh, there will be many more plates and pots in your lifetime, better watch the cartoon. And now you yourself dress the first grader for school, collect his portfolio, do with him, and often for him, lessons, and your child only obediently opens his mouth when you put food in him under the muttering of another gadget, and clean up the mess he constantly satisfied. And when you suddenly voice a request to take out the trash, put a chair in its place, the child will look at you with strange eyes and is unlikely to start working with pleasure. If taken at all.
And then such children, having lived up to 18-20 years old, cannot find the address of their polyclinic via the Internet (they simply do not understand how to make inquiries - this also needs to be learned, but at school they are taught differently), and even more so to attach to it ... They do not know how to resolve the issue with the TIN, if it is lost, they do not know how to pay an elementary electricity bill, although in most cases they do not even understand why they are obliged to pay for something? And these are not fantasies - these are real life events that 20 years ago could not even be thought of.
All and everybody needs these full age infantils, but they only remember their rights - they were well taught this.
Therefore, they do not stay at work for a long time, they do not want to go to school, being in an eternal search and promoting their parents for money in exchange for regular promises. Do you really want such a future for your children? Unlikely. Think about it, because the main purpose of a parent is to educate a person who can cope without him if something happens to him now or in 50 years. Therefore, let your child calmly, even for an hour or two, tie these hateful laces. Big starts small.
