To a foreign monastery: why not everyone withstands the test of emigration, and how to leave to stay
'26.08.2019'
Everyone goes somewhere in search of a better life. It turns out that those who do not go anywhere (almost the majority of the inhabitants of the planet) do not want a better life? Or they look for her laziness. Or scary. Or very scary and very ... laziness, although many are still removed from their homes. What for?
Initial can be different: persecution by the government or by individuals (ex-husband, for example), in this case, desperate to find justice and stop bullying, the person flees. Someone does not see the future in their city or even country. By the way, this does not mean that there is no future, you just do not see it and go to where it seems real. This is a mistake: not the fact that you cannot imagine the future at home, but that you see it where you have never been. What do you know there, what do you rely on, what do you rely on? Someone's good stories? But for every successful one, there are ten unsuccessful ones. Did you know about this? Not. Well. And your story will definitely be added to those or those. Someone's success is not a reason to go there (however, someone's failure is not a reason to refuse a trip). In the city, country from which you are going to move out in search of a better life, someone already lives decently and does not plan to move anywhere.
So, probably step number one is analyzing the situation. What are you unhappy with? Are there any ways to fix / improve this? What kind? How can this be achieved?
You may not know the answer. Alternatively, you think that here (no matter where), there are no chances for a normal (happy, comfortable, safe, promising - choose one or all together) life and never will. You may be wrong, but today it is not obvious. And you are going on the road.
Are you ready Will there be enough strength to lift such a burden? Where are you going, who is waiting for you there, what are you hoping for? These and a thousand other questions torment the soul of everyone who is preparing for their first emigration.
You were born where you were born, grew up and studied too. You didn't choose your parents or your homeland. But now all of a sudden (or not all of a sudden) they have to do it. And no matter how much you read or talk with those who have already been there, whether they have taken root or not, your own fate is darkness. It is completely independent of the knowledge and experience of others.
On the subject: Point of view: the myth of fake smiles and dumb Americans
Driving with the thought “it won’t be worse there, because it cannot be worse than here,” it eases the rupture of the umbilical cord and helps to burn bridges behind itself, as emigration did in the early twentieth century, as well as in the seventies and eighties. They left forever, saying goodbye to everything and everyone. Today everything is different. You can go back, which many do. But the thought that it might not work out there stops many - and in vain.
Any experience is an experience. The negative is sometimes even more valuable than the positive. Much more valuable. It is he who gives us the most important knowledge and skills. If it were not for him, we would not have known that the needle is pricked, on the finger with a hammer - it hurts, the fire burns, the dogs bite and much more. The experience of unsuccessful emigration could teach something, but, unfortunately, it rarely teaches.
I interviewed quite a few of those who went and returned. None of the reasonable conclusions I have questioned have drawn from this enterprise. They unanimously accused the country where they came and defended the one from which they left - forgetting that before leaving abroad they blamed the homeland for everything. There is no logic. But I am not offended by them. It's easier for them. While blaming yourself is harder and more painful. Even if you do this, you will have to live with the accused, and this is you yourself.
The main miscalculation here is that wherever you go, you always take yourself with you. As it is: ambitious or not very smart, or ... as it turned out, educated or a little bit. Another country does not change this, on the contrary, it often aggravates contradictions. Against the background of ignorance of local customs and facing the need (perhaps for the first time in my life) to grow into someone else's soil, a bad husband can become even worse. Negative qualities, such as cowardice, self-doubt, as well as disbelief in the rationality of what is happening around, which previously managed to hide, will come out into the light, like worms after rain.
The main difficulty is to remember all the time the proverbs and sayings with which we were stuffed from childhood, and we dismissed them. They contain the wisdom of millennia, and they work wherever you live, whoever you are. One of them says that they do not go to a strange monastery with their own charter. How can a newly named emigrant apply it? Very simple.
Having arrived, for the first time, turn into a diligent student. To ask, not to argue, not to prove one's own, not to compare with what it was there, not to count tugriks into ... mugriks. Stupid, unproductive and generally harmful. Listen, watch, read, try on, think, learn the language, local rules. Don't ask, "What idiot could think of that?" It is not accepted here. This is how they live here. If you don't like it, go back to your “monastery” where it will be better for you. Although ... if you're here, you probably don't think so.
It'll be hard? Will be. Do you want to howl sometimes? Required. A thousand times there will be a desire to spit on everything and return home? Likely. How long will this “getting used to” last? I'll tell you exactly. Until the feeling that you are at home here grows in you.
You probably won’t believe it, but in me the feeling of home appeared on the second day after arrival. This fact is not subject to any explanation and understanding. It happened to me. That did not exclude tears, grievances, deceptions, tons of all sorts of nasty things through which I had to wade, weaving the roots in foreign soil. I do not know anyone who passed this. And even if someone says that he was easy, do not believe it. A foreign country examines everyone. She puts in one line those who came to conquer her and fight with her, and in the other those who, despite her ranks and degrees, came to bow to her and submit.
On the subject: How we look for ourselves in immigration
The latter are loved more here and accepted better. The first has a hard time. Not that there are no winners among them, but it is always harder to swim against the tide. You need to understand: against whom and against what are you? Against a long history (good or bad), against well-established laws (smart or stupid), a population that is used to behaving in a certain way. You have arrived and become a thorn, everything is wrong for you and everything is wrong. If you have patience for three to five years, try to find a rational kernel in everything that happens here (no matter where), you will most likely take root. You will criticize everything, try to plant your own foundations, habits, culture ... Most likely, it will pull you home and not have enough strength to resist this desire to escape someone else's invasion into your soul.
In general, emigration is a useful thing. Sharpens all feelings, hones animal qualities, speed and reaction. The nose sniffs better. Ears - listen better. And the eyes never cease to be amazed at new things, if, of course, you allow this command to smell, listen and watch. It is not simple. It's not easy for everyone at first. But it's worth a try. As already mentioned, you can always buy a return ticket and, upon returning, pour a ton of mud on those and the one from which you fled.
There are no fools. No one in a clear mind and sober memory of himself, his beloved, will not blame that he could not build his house there. It is unreasonable and sounds bad in any language. Including native.
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