The article has been automatically translated into English by Google Translate from Russian and has not been edited.

'Legalized mistresses': how women live in Caucasian families where polygamy is accepted

'01.10.2018'

Source: Present Tense

Since 1 September, a law prohibiting polygamy comes into force in Turkmenistan. The Russian Family Code prohibits the registration of a second marriage without divorce, but there is no administrative or criminal penalty for polygamy.

Фото: Depositphotos

In Russia, the majority of cases of polygamy are fixed in the North Caucasus, where Muslims constitute the majority. Islam limits the number of wives to four. But such marriages are made by mullahs and are legally invalid, says Present Tense.

In the 1926 Criminal Code of the RSFSR, there was article 199, which provides for punishment for bigamy or polygamy: corrective labor for up to one year or a fine of up to one thousand rubles. This article was edited 34 years later. It has already given a definition of polygamy - "cohabitation with two or more women with a common household." It was punished with imprisonment for up to one year or correctional labor for the same period.

The names of all the characters in the text are changed at their request.

"How can you not love your husband?"

Zuhra lives and works in Makhachkala. She is 30 years old, and she is the second wife of her spouse. Married for a year and a half. For Zuhra this is the second marriage, from the first she has two children. The first wife of her new husband knows about Zuhra.

“He and his first wife came to meet me. And before that, she corresponded with me in WhatsApp, ”Zukhra recalls. It was important for her that the first wife and relatives of the new husband knew about her exactly as a spouse, and that the new husband did not hide her.

According to Zukhra, at first they "even were friends" with their first wife. And during one of the conversations, the first wife confessed to the second that she did not want her husband to marry a second time, but “he had been preparing her for this for more than a year”.

“He explained that if he has the opportunity, he should take a wife. Moreover, divorced, with two children. Well, so that women are not left alone. To have a reward for this, ”says Zuhra.

But after a few months, communication between women ceased. Zuhra suggests that the conflict was provoked by the relatives of her husband, who are against second marriages.

The woman says that when they got married, there was only respect, then love came. “How can you not love your husband?” She asks. But despite her feelings, Zukhra persuades her husband to take a third wife. She explains this desire simply: “For the first wife to stop treating me badly”.

"He wants to have numerous offspring"

A few years ago, Malika married a well-known Islamic theologian in Dagestan. She was his third wife. For her, as for Zuhra, this was not the first marriage. And for the new husband she was not the first third wife.

“This man has probably changed a total of 15 different women, we all visited him as wives. I don't see anything good in this. One of the reasons for this behavior is that he wants to have numerous offspring as exemplified by his ancestral village. He says that those tukhums who have many brothers are strong, ”says Malika.

According to her, she practically did not communicate with her husband's second wife, since that girl lived in Moscow, and with the first one they lived in the same house and quickly found a common language, “because she is an adequate religious woman, which are few”.

Фото: Depositphotos

True, a little later in the conversation, Malika admits that there were still clashes between women. The reason is in the common husband. “There was jealousy. One evening I washed his clothes, which were in my room, and in the morning I hung them out in the common yard. I go out for dinner - no clothes. It turns out that she took his dried shirts and took them to her. He later laughed: “She thinks if all my clothes are in her room, then I will visit her more often.” But these are trifles. In fact, we have never had major conflicts, ”recalls Malika.

Abdulla from Makhachkala has "two wives for now." I got married for the second time five years ago. Abdullah says that when he decided to take a second wife, the first did not approve of his decision, but this did not bother the man.

From the first wife Abdullah has four children, from the second - while one. Wives know each other, live in different houses and do not communicate with each other.

Justice to all wives

According to Islam, a polygamist husband must provide each wife with equal provision in food, drink, clothing, furniture, and must equally share the days and nights that he spends with his spouses. The Qur'an says: “If you fear that you will not be able to be just with the orphans, then marry the women you like - two, three, four. If you fear that you will not be able to take care of them (ie, of the wives) in the same way, then marry one ”.

Zuhra believes: “This does not mean that everything should be provided to each spouse in the same amount. Only as far as possible: for example, his wife's slippers were torn, he bought her slippers. Another wife has an old dress - he buys her a dress. Not the same things, but as far as possible so that a woman does not need. So that she is dressed, shod, in abundance, so that food and a roof over her head. "

In this regard, Zuhra is pleased with her husband. But the moment concerning their joint pastime, the woman is still not satisfied.

“I would like him to devote more time to me. He does not come to me every other day, as expected, but twice a week, because he lives in another city, it is hard for him to come, he works late. And I want to be only here, with me, ”Zukhra says.

In the sura "an-Nisa" (Women) it is said: "You can never be [in everything and completely, especially regarding your feelings] to several wives, even if you try very hard." In addition, according to Sharia law, the spouse is obliged to provide each of his wives with housing with a separate entrance and bathrooms.

According to Maliki, her ex-husband, whose third wife she was, found it difficult to provide for all women equally: "He did not pull either financially or morally, although he presented himself as such a hardened polygamist."

According to Abdullah, he manages to share both finances and days and nights between his wives. “They are jealous, of course. This is a normal human feeling. Sometimes they “eat” [the brain], of course. But it doesn't bother me. All life is full of difficulties. This is normal, ”Abdullah says.

A man thinks about a third wife, but does not set a specific goal for himself: “If there is a good option, I will take it, if it won’t, I won’t take it.”

Фото: Depositphotos

"I can't marry a bachelor"

To be a second wife is usually either divorced women, or those who are “too late” agree. For many of them, such a marriage provides some opportunities: for example, to raise their status in society, resolve material issues or give birth to a child. For a Dagestani woman, the birth of an illegitimate child can threaten with problems from relatives.

Malika therefore agreed to be the third wife, because by that time she was already divorced with a child. She is now divorced and ready to consider proposals for a new marriage.

“I thought that I could no longer marry a bachelor like a young girl. I am satisfied with the position of a second or third wife. Arranges for my husband to come to me not every day. So I will have time for myself and for the child, ”says Malika.

Probability of conflict

According to the Family Code, registration of a second marriage in Russia is not allowed. But Abdullah, a lawyer by profession, assures that "this is an absolutely legal thing."

“In the Russian Federation, everything is permitted, except for the prohibited. There is a ban on registering a second marriage at the registry office. But registration is not a marriage yet. Therefore, since there is no ban on polygamy, it means that it is officially allowed, ”Abdullah said.

However, in the case of the probable death of the husband, all the wives, except for the one with which the marriage is officially registered, find themselves in a vulnerable position: by law they cannot claim an inheritance. Abdullah is sure that the ban on registration of the second marriage deprives a woman of her rights.

“If they are fighting polygamy like that, it’s stupid, because it doesn’t affect polygamy in any way, but violates equality between wives. And the ban on registration deprives second wives of their rights if they divide according to “Russian” laws, and not according to Sharia law, and they have a conflict, ”Abdullah says.

Dagestan, Chechnya, Ingushetia ...

Program coordinator of the Foundation. Heinrich Belle in Russia Irina Kosterina says that the phenomenon of polygamy is actively developing in the republics of the North Caucasus. In 2016, the staff of the foundation conducted a study “Life and problems of women and men in the North Caucasus”. The work was carried out in four regions of the North Caucasus Federal District - Kabardino-Balkaria, Ingushetia, Chechnya and Dagestan. The questionnaire also included questions about polygamy.

According to Irina Kosterina, the highest percentage of bigwigs is in Dagestan: 14,7% of the men surveyed there said that they have two wives, and 5,9% answered that there are three.

“In Chechnya, 11,1% of the men surveyed have two wives, and 2% have three. In Ingushetia, 6,7% of men said they had two wives; the respondents did not have three wives. In Kabardino-Balkaria, 9,7% of respondents have two wives, and 3,2% have three, ”Irina Kosterina cites the data.

According to her, the position of polygamy is radically different for the first and second women. If polygamy of the husband does not bother the second wives, then for the first it is a whole problem.

“Most often they are confronted with a fact when a man has already had another wife. Or the woman is actually forced, begged, convinced: “If you do not agree to a second wife, you are an egoist, you are a bad Muslim”. Most of the women we interviewed have a negative attitude to polygamy. By the way, polygamy was named the second reason for divorce, ”continues Irina Kosterina.

Фото: Depositphotos

According to her, different men answered differently the question why they give birth to second and third wives.

“Someone said that it is fashionable, someone said that according to Islam it is so. I also talked with girls who themselves went as a second wife or were going to become one. These are, of course, completely different situations: when you are the second wife, most likely you will be your beloved wife, because this is a more conscious choice of a man. He was married for many years, he understood something about marriage, he realized what he likes and dislikes, he understood something about relationships and chooses his second wife for love, and not as the first one imposed on him by his parents or “ it was time, ”so he got married,” says Irina Kosterina.

Analyzing the results of the survey, Kosterina concludes that "most often" the wives of one husband either do not communicate with each other at all, or they communicate formally: they handed over their children or met at some event.

“We talked with men who assured that they distribute everything equally between all wives, but then during the interview it was clear that this was not entirely true. Men who claim that all this is according to Islam and according to the rules often underestimate such moments. Perhaps he tried to distribute financial resources, but it is impossible to distribute attention, love. And this man spends most of his time with his second wife, and with the first one just talks about children, ”says Kosterina.

"The most powerful defense"

Dagestani journalist and human rights activist Svetlana Anokhina has recently seen polygamy as a “big plus”. She believes that in a patriarchal society, this can protect a woman from censure.

“When polygamy is called“ the institution of legalized mistresses, ”this is, in principle, true. I still think that this is a big male deception, but I looked at the situation from the other side, from the side of second wives. The very existence of this phenomenon frees the hands of those who simply could not get married for some reason, start a family, but are passionate about a child, ”says Anokhina.

According to her, in many cases it is not even necessary to register nicknames (a Muslim marriage contract); a woman simply needs to dissolve the information that she has married her second or third wife.

“This automatically explains the constant absence of my husband around. Words - "nikah", "second wife" - take a woman and her child out of the area where she is censured, into the area that society looks at with great understanding. The child is already born in marriage, no one can leave his mother after the "whore", because she has the most powerful protection of the religious attitude. It is unlikely that anyone in our country will be able to publicly protest against them. It turned out that this is the area that provides at least some kind of protection for a woman. This is already a huge plus, ”says Svetlana Anokhina.

Conditions of detention

Ahmet Yarlykapov, senior researcher at the Center for Problems of the Caucasus and Regional Security of MGIMO, notes that in practice, not all polygamists provide their wives with the same conditions.

“There are a huge number of cases when the conditions and level of maintenance of wives are different. Often the second and third wife can support themselves, they can work. In addition, quite often, when the second, third wife is kept in secret, that is, the first wife does not know about them. This is not in line with Islamic law, ”says Akhmet Yarlykapov.

As for the legal protection of second wives, then, according to the expert, most often they are vulnerable, but in some cases you can rely on a Muslim marriage contract and a will.

Фото: Depositphotos

“It all depends on whether this marriage was registered in the Sharia sense and whether there is a nikah - a Muslim marriage contract, which must be concluded when registering an Islamic marriage. The contract specifies the amount of makhr - a gift from the spouse, which under any circumstances remains with the wife. But the mahr itself is not regulated in any way. It can be just a gold ring, or a separate apartment, or a separate house. It depends on how generous the husband is. Often this is the only thing that a second or third wife can claim and what can remain. Well, of course, a lot depends on the will - this is at least some opportunity to get something. Although the spouse who is officially married at the registry office can dispute it. In this matter, undoubtedly, wives whose marriage is not concluded in the registry office are in a vulnerable position, ”says the expert.

Commenting on the new law in Turkmenistan, Ahmet Yarlykapov admits that this does not completely eradicate the phenomenon of polygamy, but will put it in a rigid framework. The expert admits that the adoption of the same law in the republics of the North Caucasus today seems impossible.

“The totalitarian state has the opportunity to seriously control this sphere. Of course, even the Soviet Union failed to completely eradicate polygamy, but there were few polygamists. The North Caucasus was one of the regions in which, even in the Soviet years, such a ban did not fully work. In modern conditions in the North Caucasus there is quite serious support for polygamy, including among officials. Ramzan Kadyrov almost openly supports polygamy. I think that now this kind of law in this region is in principle impossible, ”Akhmet Yarlykapov is sure.

Polygamy in law

In the Middle East, polygamy is allowed in Syria, Egypt, Algeria, the United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Morocco, Afghanistan, Iran, Pakistan, Qatar.

In Jordan, a man must not only notify all his wives about a new marriage, but must also provide documents about his financial viability. In Qatar and Pakistan, a man must receive consent for a new marriage from all his wives, and in Iran only the first wife must give such consent. In Morocco, a man is required to give permission for a new marriage and an oath to treat all wives equally. There, the first wife can make to the marriage contract the requirement not to marry again.

Turkey has a ban on polygamy. There he was introduced to the 1926 year. In 1957, polygamy was banned in Tunisia. A person convicted of polygamy will be imprisoned for a year.

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