Gone from a good man: are you struggling with fat?
'13.02.2019'
Source: lady.mail.ru
Columnist Mail.ru Lady Milana Uvarova talks about whether to marry a man just because he is good.
My last relationship lasted almost two years. I was quite happy, but as soon as I felt that the business was going to the wedding (to this, “both in grief and in joy until death”), I quickly completed them.
“Have you lost your mind ?!” said friends, mother and ex-future husband. And they demanded an explanation: what is wrong?
But I had absolutely nothing to answer. Objectively, that man was good in every sense: intelligent, handsome, secured, interesting, attentive, understanding, decent. It was easier for me to list the list of its merits than to state the reason for my refusal.
We lived, ate, slept, went to the store and the cinema, went on trips. Hugging and talking. They did everything that ordinary couples do. And everything suited me. Until I imagined it was forever.
This breakup upset me. It is easy to get away from a greedy, stupid, rude, indifferent man, and all the more cruel. It is difficult to get away from the good, especially when you do not understand why.
“I do not feel happy” is an explanation that neither the closest circle nor you yourself accept.
Happiness cannot be defined, measured and improved. Happiness is fleeting and subtle, and good men don't roll on the road, right? It is difficult to sacrifice good objective reality to its ghostly illusions.
The answer was found almost immediately, as I moved to live back to my apartment. At that moment when, shuffling my slippers and rubbing my sleepy eyes, I crawled to the kitchen on a quiet Saturday morning to brew tea.
I remembered that in the morning I like to drink coffee. I love about an hour after waking up not to talk to anyone. I love 20 minutes to hover over the stove, boil the oatmeal on milk, make sure that it does not run away, gently stirring with a wooden spatula. Add honey and butter and eat while reading a new book. And then grind the coffee and boil it in the Turk. And all this - in complete silence and crumpled pajamas.
I like to stay at home at the weekend, listen to music, wander from room to room. Or leave the house, but not for long - in a nearby cafe for a dessert. The local barista knows my taste and always adds lavender syrup to my latte, which is very nice.
And what did I do in those relationships with a man? She made green tea with jasmine, had breakfast with sausages with an omelet on the run, went to trainings for self-improvement, went on a snowboard (although I love skiing, and running) and disappeared to visit his friends.
By the way, he did not force me to anything, as if some last abuser. I did all this voluntarily, because I wanted to share the hobbies and interests of the beloved man.
I wanted so much for him that it was pleasant and fun for me, that I forgot about one thing: it should be nice and fun for me too. It was important to remember your desires and needs. And maybe one quiet morning alone once a week could save our relationship.
How I would like to wind off the time a year ago and say: “Darling, please go to the Kuryakins without me. And I want to stay at home, in silence. " I am sure that he would treat with understanding. But I did not do it, time was lost, the relationship went wrong.
What little things you say. The devil - in detail, I will answer. Putting life on to please another, even a loved one, forgetting about their own interests is like voluntarily putting yourself in prison. I just didn't want to go to jail.
“It's good that I understood all this,” I thought, sipping coffee and shaking my foot in a soft fur slipper. Wonderful morning.
