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We smile and tolerate: do we become happier when we try to think positively?

'16.02.2021'

Source: Inosmi

The theory of affirmations and positive thinking has been in fashion for more than a decade. But is it really good for your mental health? In some cases, positive thinking only aggravates psychological problems, experts say. Two Swedish psychologists give advice on how to achieve success without going to extremes, writes Inosmi.

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After reading this article, you will be able to do things that you would never have done before.

Something like this was once introduced to people the concept of "positive thinking". Anything is possible, as long as you are convinced of your ability to cope with the task. Many people still believe in this, despite criticism.

Monday morning and the beginning of the new working year. The hardest time. It seems that you can not even dream of high performance at work or achieving goals in your personal life.

And right now, you shouldn't stick a piece of paper with the affirmation "I will succeed" on the refrigerator door, believing that by doing so you are already on the path to a miracle.

So-called positive thinking is a tempting quick fix that doesn't live up to its fame, says Magnus Lindwall, professor of psychology at the University of Gothenburg. He specializes in health psychology. This area explores, among other things, ways to develop motivation for change.

“I would be the happiest if it were enough to think positively and use affirmations. This was all in vogue around 2005, but it has not disappeared to this day. On the contrary, it has mutated and is now attacking us in a different form. It has become an intellectual virus that is little by little everywhere because it satisfies our need for quick and easy solutions to problems, ”says Magnus Lindwall.

Whoever affirmations of big plans can really help are those who already feel good and are close to the fulfillment of the goal, or at least have the ability to achieve it, says Ingela Stolbrand, a lecturer in the department of psychology at Lund University, which includes studies positive psychology: “For others, these methods will definitely be harmful. They can make a person feel even worse. "

Magnus Lindvall also warns that thinking positively can exacerbate feelings of fiasco. There are both genetic and practical limitations in our life. A completely untrained person certainly won't run a marathon in six months. Anyone who wants to change their lifestyle will not become a different person in a short time.

“I’m not suggesting giving up on my future, it’s just about not nurturing unrealistic dreams. The problem with blind positive thinking is that it does not take into account relevant information, does not take into account what is actually possible to accomplish and what is not, ”says Magnus Lindvall.

In other words, you don't have to strive for the stars you can never reach. Don't think that you can become anyone. Instead, think about what you really want to achieve - let this be the goal towards which you will go.

“The best goals are always related to what matters to us. Then motivation appears, which forces us to take actions that lead to the desired result, ”explains Ingela Stolbrand.

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Instead of struggling to become a famous musician in five years, you can strive to play better tomorrow than today, and, for example, master what so far you are not working. And the marathon in six months will be replaced by five or ten kilometers in a year.

To abandon large-scale affirmations is to keep pace with the development of psychotherapeutic treatment methods. Previously, they were more eager to change a person's thoughts, believing that this would make him feel better.

“Today we know that it is very difficult to influence our thoughts, and therefore third wave cognitive therapy is now using acceptance and responsibility therapy (TPO). According to it, we should just notice and accept the fact that we have some thoughts, ”says Magnus Lindwall.

According to Ingela Stey Stolbrand, in order to feel better and achieve what we want, we must be kinder to ourselves, that is, accept the way we think. Stop believing that new thinking is a panacea.

“Our thoughts have a decisive influence on how we feel, and in order to bring about change, we need optimism. The problem lies in thoughts that are too one-sided, unrealistic and devoid of nuance, as well as in the expectation that they will lead to some kind of change by themselves, without the necessary action. "

The desire to achieve new goals can grow out of self-criticism, says Ingela Stey Stolbrand. It can be about dissatisfaction with previous achievements or dissatisfaction with oneself as a person. Perhaps a personal or work event undermined self-esteem. And in this case, affirmations or positive thinking are not at all suitable for the role of the first decision. The first step, instead, can be the realization that even if you feel bad, it doesn’t mean that you yourself are not like that, says Ingela Staj Stolbrand. She emphasizes that this can be a very difficult and significant step. Some people need professional help for this.

Then formulate what your negative feelings are related to.

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“Distribute responsibility for this fairly. Many people feel bad because they believe they are the only culprit in the problem. But it may also be that the reason was, for example, something at work. When it comes to yourself, you have to empathize with yourself. Yes, you may have made a mistake or you did a poor job, but you did what you could, ”continues Ingela Stolbrand.

By forgiving yourself or someone else who did wrong to you, you can move on. The energy and time you spend discontent can instead be spent on actions that propel you towards positive goals. Guilt and shame steal a ton of energy from within.

“It's not an easy process, but sometimes you have to suffer a little before you can continue to move forward. Many are afraid of this, preferring to skip this step and go straight to affirmations as a quick fix. By doing so, they miss important stages. "

Ingela Stey Stolbrand attaches great importance to forgiveness. With her students, she sometimes performs the following exercise: you need to write yourself a letter that begins with the words "I forgive myself for ..." It can be about something that the person did himself, or that, in his opinion, he allowed make others in relation to yourself. Even seemingly trifling events can be a heavy burden for us and an internal brake.

“Everyone carries in themselves things for which you need to forgive yourself. When we let go of these thoughts, we seem to get rid of the need to walk everywhere with a sack of stones, we begin to treat ourselves more carefully. And only then we can formulate for ourselves what we really want to achieve, what is important, ”the expert says.

After that, the first sentence of this article will become true - you will be able to cope with what, in your opinion, suffered a fiasco before, or even with what seemed unthinkable to approach before. Or maybe you will understand: what you were striving for before, in fact, is not at all what you really want. And this is the hidden cause of failure.

Perhaps only after you have gone through the process described by Ingela Staelbrand, you will understand what your real desires are and formulate a concrete and clear path to the goal.

It can be hung on the refrigerator door.

Affirmations and positive thinking

It is difficult to say when exactly the fashion for affirmations and positive thinking began. Back in 1976, American psychologist Wayne Dyer published Your erroneous zones. In short, in the book, he stated that we ourselves decide what our life will be like.

Soon the shelves were filled with countless self-help books with similar ideas from different authors. The concept was spread through lectures and courses that companies organized for their employees.

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In 2009, renowned journalist and writer Barbara Ehrenreich attacked the fashion for positive thinking. In Smile or Die: How Positive Thinking Fooled the World, she tells how her acquaintances began to expect her to be positive about their diagnosis of breast cancer. She talked about much more ambitious things. She questioned the belief that thoughts can bring health, wealth and success, and she criticized those who call people to such thoughts when the problem really lies in injustice.

The National Encyclopedia describes affirmations as follows: “The basic idea behind using affirmations is that each person creates their own reality. With his thoughts, he attracts certain circumstances. The most extreme options also suggest that a person can change his material reality, for example, attracting more money for himself. "

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