Couples who talk little have no future. What to do?
'03.05.2017'
Man is a social creature striving to communicate with others, but the peculiarities of the modern world are such that people communicate less and less personally. The reason for this may be the distance in megacities, and information-rich media products, and the development of social networks ... All these trends have affected couples. And it would seem that people who have chosen each other and live together practically do not speak. Getting up in the morning, hurried packing, a quick breakfast, buried in smartphones, and - scattered to work. And in the evening - all the same, only in a different sequence. If this is the case with you, then we have bad news for you: this is a direct and quick path to parting. What to do?
Quite often you can hear several characteristic phrases. For example: “I don’t want to go home after work, because it’s boring there” ... And after her, as a rule, you can hear: “Is it okay not to talk at all?”. We can say with confidence that no, it's not normal! As stated above: a person's sociality and the presence of a speech center in the head presuppose communication with others. Even the most gloomy and unsociable introvert needs intimate, or not so much, conversation with another introvert. What, in our opinion, are the reasons why people stop talking to each other?
Most often it is:
“What should we talk about?”
Oddly enough, this question is often asked by couples who have just started a relationship. When there are still few joint friends, impressions, situations, disputes and showdowns. Everything is simple here. The fact that you are each other's “unread books” gives you a reason to start talking about what you are passionate about or know best. Or that you would like to know. Literally everything. And joint topics that interest him and you will soon be found. After all, talk about your favorite books, movies, or music. Fortunately, there is a vast sea of material for conversation!
“Talk to us why?”
There is a rule: you cannot tell about your thoughts - no one will even know about them. The same goes for couples. If you do not tell your man about what is going on inside you, then how will he know it? And he won't guess, no matter how much you want it. Moreover, the unpleasant truth is that he doesn't have to guess. Even when you yourself do not understand the cause of your discomfort or depression, nothing terrible will happen if you simply say: “I do not quite understand what is happening to me now, but I am not very well now. I'll figure out what it is and tell you what happened. ” With such a simple phrase, you will relieve tension and will be able to avoid, at least, awkwardness in the future. For example, after some time you can calmly remind about your condition and say that you figured it out and are ready to share with it. And, mind you - no quarrels, showdowns and screams.
“I'm afraid of his reaction, so I don’t say anything ...”
The device of a normal average man is such that he, like a knight, rushes to our aid. Even if we do not ask and do not need to.
Here, for example, the situation:
You: “How tired I am today ...”
He: “You are tired yesterday and the day before yesterday! So, let’s write an application tomorrow! ”
You: “Well, hello! I do not want to quit! Just yesterday and today are such days. ”
He: “What are you complaining about then? Or quit or bear! ”
Familiar? Not? And this situation:
You: “Today at work I had a fight with a geek. Spoke me all ... "
He: “... WHAT ?! Tomorrow I'll come to you and tell him how not to talk to you! ”
You: “Oh, no, don't!”
He: walks and swears ...
This is how a man is made. They do not even have time to think that it was not a request for help, but simply a desire to be listened to. They immediately rush to solve our “problems”. In this case, the man really needs to explain the nature of your desire, that he just needs to listen to you, and if you need help, then you will definitely ask her. This will remove a lot of unnecessary and impulsive from your relationship and make them more friendly. Just as it is in the nature of men to help and solve problems, so in the nature of women lies trust in a man who is able to listen. Therefore, before talking about what excites you, just say: “I need now for you to listen to what I’m going to tell you. Just listen. "
“Our talk is only about children. And what will happen when they grow up? ”
Children are good and important. But besides your children, there is also work, hobbies, leisure and travel, events from the lives of friends. Yes, the same banal shopping and talking about fashion! Are you happy about something? Is there something that makes you sad, angry, or even angry? You are constantly learning something new, meeting new people ... All this is a reason to share this with a man. Share your experiences, fears, desires, dreams and plans. This is normal and it brings people closer.
Is social media evil?
By themselves, social networks are a great invention that involved bringing people of similar interests from different, even very distant places, closer together. Rapprochement ... Everywhere you can meet people who are buried in their smartphones, not noticing anything around. Live communication very quickly replaced communication in networks. And it just turned into a painful, manic state. What can I say ... Most likely, you will need to agree that there are no phones while you are around.
Any communication can enrich a person. It is through communication that we develop, get to know other people and learn. People start relationships for a reason - something attracted both of you. Talking about yourself - what could be more important in a relationship? By immersing yourself in communication through various instant messengers instead of talking face to face, you deprive yourself of one of the most important components of life together - intimacy.
Talking together is the glue between you that will keep your relationship from falling apart. Talk about everything: important and not so, about jokes and conflicts at work, about a boring meeting and a fun trip on public transport, about how your daughter made Barsik sandwiches with cabbage and maple syrup ... Talk about everything. Because emotions, both yours and his, are not nonsense. The main thing is not to overdo it and pause!
