'You're sitting at home!': What is the danger of housewife syndrome and how to cope with it
'24.03.2022'
Source: Life hacker
Household duties are real work for which no one pays or thanks, writes Life hacker.
What is the first image that comes to mind when you think about a housewife? Most likely, you imagine a woman who, in a beautiful dress and with full make-up, flutters around the kitchen. Advertisers and propagandists have been creating this picture for years. Through their efforts, household duties are perceived as an easy entertainment and the dream of any girl, and a housewife as a happy bum.
But the reality is very different from this fiction. Women who devote themselves completely to the home are often unhappy and even suffer from mental disorders. We understand why this happens.
What is housewife syndrome
This term was first used in his book "The Riddle of Femininity" by American writer, researcher and activist Betty Friedan. It was in 1963, and by that time, American politicians, journalists, and marketers had been replicating the image of an ideal family for many years, in which a man builds a career and makes money, and a woman flies around the house in a magnificent dress and brings up obedient smiling kids.
But reality turned out to be not so rosy.
For some reason, “happy” housewives began to turn to doctors complaining of excessive fatigue, headaches, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. At first, no one took their words seriously, and the cause of all problems was considered suffrage, incompetent home appliance repairmen, or an association of teachers.
But women spoke louder and louder: Family magazine Redbook created Why Young Mothers Feel Trapped, where female readers could submit their stories, and received over 20 responses. Later, a book was even published based on these letters.
The condition from which the housewives suffered did not receive an official name; it is not included in medical or psychological reference books. But doctors and the public were nevertheless forced to admit: people who are fully committed to home care and parenthood have a hard time. And that's why:
- They are more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, and anxiety disorder - this was revealed after a survey of 60 mothers, one of whom works, and the other remains at home with the children.
- They are more likely to have eating disorders.
- Sometimes such women even suffer from agoraphobia and are afraid to leave the house.
- In addition, according to some experts, it is precisely the share of “domestic wives” that accounts for 80% of antidepressants consumed by women.
In addition, signs of housewife syndrome can be considered:
- apathy;
- longing;
- sense of uselessness;
- excess weight;
- anhedonia - decreased ability to have fun;
- severe fatigue;
- suicidal thoughts.
Basically, all these problems concern women.
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Why is housewife syndrome
Pointless and unpaid work
Not so long ago, our officials proposed to accrue minimum wages to housewives and introduce seniority for them. But until this happens, such work remains hard, unpaid and completely ungrateful. A working person receives money as a reward for his activity, and if he copes well with his duties, he will also be praised by his superiors and promoted through the ranks.
Housewives most often receive neither material reward nor gratitude.
Moreover, in most Russian families, women have absolutely all household duties. And even with the advent of washing machines (which still do not sort and hang clothes), multicookers (they do not buy food, do not peel vegetables and do not cut meat), dishwashers and robotic vacuum cleaners (not all families can afford them) , housework takes a lot of time and effort.
In addition, it never ends, which means it does not bring satisfaction. Housewives wash dishes and floors, wipe off the dust and clean the shelves just to repeat everything again in a day, two or a week. And so in a circle, year after year. This can demoralize a person and deprive him of the desire to live.
Unrealization
Surely there are people who consider caring for home, family and children their mission. The housewife’s labor, it is quite possible, brings joy and satisfies their need for self-actualization.
But this does not apply to those who have ambitions outside of home and family. Spending time on cooking and cleaning, such people do not have time to devote time to what is important to them - work, hobbies, creativity, travel, and so on. Of course, this knocks the ground out from under your feet, drags a person into a funnel of exhaustion and leads to apathy, depression and suicidal thoughts.
The neglect of others
If you look at how the media, marketers and screenwriters present the image of a housewife, you may get the impression that this is either a cheerful fairy or a stupid parasite with a nasty character who watches TV shows all day - like Dasha Bukina from the TV series “Happy Together”.
It is not surprising that society treats housewives with neglect.
What they do is not considered real work, and such women can easily hear something like, “What are you doing? Just think, you sit at home all day! ” Of course, this does not add to the housewives positive and makes them feel worthless. True, there are positive developments in this area. Recently, a lot of bloggers and communities have appeared that talk about the severity of domestic work and motherhood and demonstrate the real life of housewives without embellishment.
Invisible labor
In addition to cleaning, shopping, childcare, housewives and housewives also have responsibilities that no one notices. They are called “invisible work”. It's a lot of small things that add up to a tedious job: book tickets, make a shopping list, plan a family vacation, make sure that the child always has clothes in size and season, and so on.
All these managerial and supportive functions are taken for granted - is it difficult to call a doctor or buy overalls for a child on the Internet? - but at the same time they take a lot of time and emotional forces. Because a person is constantly forced to keep a thousand such trifles in his mind and cannot relax - otherwise the children will be left without gifts and vaccinations, and the whole family without rest and lunch.
Among other things, it is the housewives (and women in general) who most often have the “emotional service”, that is, the obligation to calm the crying, to support the frustrated and generally to save face and create good weather in the house. And this is also a load, and considerable.
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What to do if you feel bad as a housewife
Here it is important to understand: is this role suitable for you in principle? Maybe it seems to you that taking care of the house and children is your calling, and in general you are comfortable in the status of a housewife, but sometimes longing and apathy roll over. Then you should think about how to diversify everyday routine tasks and what activities can cheer you up and inspire you. It can be hobbies and hobbies, additional education or even part-time work.
Taking the time for yourself and your interests, you will not fall into the funnel of exhaustion and will be able to prevent burnout.
This is exactly what anthropologist Tess Struve, who gave up her career to raise her daughter and formulated principles for millennial housewives, proposes to do. Its main idea is not to strive for the ideal and simply combine household chores and hobbies or work in a comfortable mode.
It also happens that the transition to the status of a housewife was a forced or not very conscious step. For example, the child was not provided with a place in kindergarten on time. Or a woman had heard enough of the Vedic gurus who said that her true destiny was in motherhood and housework. Or she was just tired of dragging both work and household chores and thought it would be easier.
But in the process it turned out that the role of a housewife did not suit her at all, that she wanted to build a career, and that washing, cooking and delivering children in circles made her unhappy. In such a situation, the solution is obvious: return to work whenever possible. And at the same time, discuss with the partner an adequate division of household duties or the search for helpers in the household.
