Surrogate grandmother: stories of women who carried and gave birth to their own grandchildren
'29.06.2020'
Source: Lenta.ru report
Mothers from all over the world are trying to help their children, who are not able to conceive a child, become parents. Carrying their own grandchildren, grandmothers fall into the front pages of newspapers and evoke a wide range of emotions from the public from conviction to admiration. "Lenta.ru" studied how and why they do it.
Emma
55-year-old Emma Miles from the British city of Lampeter found out that her daughter Tracy Smith would not be able to become pregnant when she was 15 years old. The girl had no uterus, but there were ovaries and fallopian tubes. Later, she was diagnosed with Mayer-Rokytansky-Kuster-Hauser syndrome (MRKH), a congenital malformation in which the female genital organs are not fully developed.
“I was devoured by the thought that Tracy couldn’t be a mother,” Emma admits. - She rarely confided with me, but when the right moment presented itself, I told her: "You can always count on me." Despite my age, I was not afraid to give birth. I was determined to do it for my daughter. "
In 2016, Tracy became engaged to her lover Adam and seriously thought about motherhood. “From the day I found out about the diagnosis, my mother promised to do everything possible to help me. I knew that one day she was carrying my child, ”she says. Initially, the couple wanted to contact the agency that selects surrogate mothers, but did not do this because of local laws.
“According to the laws of this country, a surrogate mother - and her spouse, if any, - receive full rights of parents after bearing a child. It was a big risk for us. ” Instead, her daughter asked Emma to become her surrogate mother. She willingly agreed.
“I was so happy when she said, 'Of course I'm ready.' She was waiting for me to turn to her for help. " Tracy's father also supported this idea and signed the necessary documents transferring the legal rights of the parents to the daughter and her fiancé.
In March 2017, Emma consulted with an IVF specialist who developed a preparation plan for the procedure. The British woman had to lose 38 kilograms and drink hormonal pills in four months. In May of the following year, doctors successfully transferred the fertilized eggs into her body, and pregnancy came after the first attempt.
With the help of a caesarean section, on January 16, 2019, Evi Sian Emma Smith was born. The newborn weighed 3,4 kilograms and was absolutely healthy. “Adam and I were allowed to attend Evie’s birth. It was an indescribably exciting moment. I was so worried about the condition of the mother and the safe birth of our baby, ”Tracy shared her emotions.
“I don’t feel much attachment to Evie,” says Emma. “Tracy is my daughter, and I did it so that she became a mother.” Now I am glad to return to work and normal life again. But I will go through this whole process again if they ever want a brother or a sister for Evie. ”
“I don’t know how to thank my mother for what she did for me,” says Tracy. “I thought that I could never have a child.” So Evie is a cherished dream that has come true. ”
Cecil
In 2018, 61-year-old American Cecil Elege found out that her son Matthew with his boyfriend Elliot Dougherty is planning to have a baby. For this, the couple turned to the center of artificial insemination. Eliot's 26-year-old sister, Lea Iribe, volunteered to become an egg donor.
Lovers could only find a surrogate mother. They did not go to the agencies because they were afraid of a mixed reaction to a gay couple in their conservative Nebraska state.
Upon learning of the desire of 32-year-old Matthew to become a father, Cecile gladly volunteered to endure her future grandson. Despite the fact that she had had menopause ten years ago, and after her last pregnancy more than 30 years had passed, she wished to do everything possible to help her son.
“I had no doubt,” she admitted. “I was happy to take part in this important event.” She underwent the necessary verification before in vitro fertilization (IVF) and was admitted to the procedure.
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Family endocrinologist Maud Doherty emphasized that Cecile has a surprisingly good state of health for his age. “There are very few 61-year-old women who are healthy enough to at least think about this,” the doctor said. - According to the analysis, it can easily be mistaken for a 40-year-old. In fact, she is healthier than many 20-year-old girls. She's lucky with the genes. ”
I was absolutely healthy. So I had no doubt that I could bear a child.
The sperm donor was Matthew. Cecile understood that the IVF procedure was the only way for her son to continue the birth.
“We always knew that we would have to think outside the box and go beyond the generally accepted framework,” said Matthew, who works as a school teacher.
In May 2018, Cecile began taking estrogen to resume the menstrual cycle that stopped during menopause. She managed to get pregnant on the first try.
Nine months of pregnancy were given to Cecile is not easy: throughout the period she suffered from morning sickness, gestational diabetes and high blood pressure. As a result, doctors decided to stimulate labor. To the surprise of the doctors, on March 25, after 18 hours of labor, Cecile gave birth naturally.
The girl Uma Louise Dougherty-Eledge was born. The newborn's weight was 2,6 kilograms. “I will never forget how I looked at the guys bending over their baby and thought:“ God, everything turned out the way it should have been, ”she said.
“It was very important for us to be with her in the maternity ward,” says Matthew. - She held herself like a warrior - so strong. I deeply respect her for what an incredible woman she is. ”
“She is my granddaughter, not my daughter,” Cecile emphasizes. “The most beautiful thing about all this is that when she starts acting up, I can just give it to my parents.”
Valdira
The 45-year-old Valdira das Neves from the Brazilian city of São Paulo always knew that her youngest son, Marcelo, was homosexual. In June 2017, when he was 24 years old, he admitted to his mother that he dreams of becoming a father. Valdira gladly agreed to become a surrogate mother and bear her own grandson. At 41, she had a miscarriage, so she had to look for alternatives to get pregnant again.
“About four years ago, my mother became pregnant from her father, but the girl was born for a period of seven months and died a week later,” explains Marcelo. “We decided to give mother the opportunity to raise our children.”
Marcelo and his mother studied all the possible options and settled on IVF. This procedure increased Waldira's chances of getting pregnant by 50 percent. Doctors used Marcelo's sperm to fertilize the egg of an anonymous donor, after which they transferred it to Valdira's body. The Brazilian became pregnant in January 2019 after three unsuccessful attempts.
Gynecologist Anderson Melo emphasized that in the case of Valdira, the main obstacle to pregnancy was the difficulty of implanting the embryo into the uterus.
On September 3, she gave birth to her two grandchildren, who were named Noah and Maria Flor. The girl weighed 2,25 kilograms. The boy was 60 grams lighter than his sister. Noah had breathing problems, and immediately after birth he was placed in the pediatric ward.
“Thank God the mother managed to get pregnant,” Marcelo noted gratefully. - How great that now our dream has come true. This is an indescribable feeling. ”
Sheila
The 42-year-old Sheila Gump-Johnson from the US state of Illinois decided to become a surrogate mother for her barren daughter Michaela. The 23-year-old girl already had a three-year-old son, when she was given a terrible diagnosis - small cell cancer of the cervix. She planned to conceive a second child, but doctors warned her that treatment for a cancer, including complete hysterectomy, chemotherapy and radiation, would lead to infertility.
Sheila advised her daughter to see a reproductologist.
“In the future, you may regret not having done this,” the mother prayed. Michaela listened to her mother's recommendations and created 19 embryos before cancer treatment. However, the services of a surrogate mother were not affordable for Mikael. Her mother Sheila came to the rescue.
“If I am allowed to do this, I will,” she said without a doubt.
The phrase "I will do it" mechanically flew from my lips. I didn't even discuss it with my husband, Michaela's father. I knew he would understand. Our girl needed our help and we were ready to do anything.
Three months after the start of treatment, Michaela was completely cured of cancer. Then the mother and daughter again raised the issue of the IVF procedure. In addition to Michaela, Sheila had two more children, 14 and 11 years old. In addition, a mother with many children had minor health problems, so she needed to undergo a medical examination. According to the results of the tests, the doctors allowed her to become a surrogate mother.
After months of preparation, the doctors implanted Sheila embryos.
“Well, this is the first time I got pregnant without the help of a man,” Sheila joked right after the procedure.
Ten days later, Sheila and her daughter received the long-awaited pregnancy test result: it turned out to be positive. Four weeks later, the woman was called for the first ultrasound. The doctor announced that she was waiting for twins. Four months later, the mother and daughter were able to find out the gender of the children - a boy and a girl.
Sheila from the very beginning set herself up that the newborns would be her grandchildren, and not their own children.
“When you are carrying a child, instincts awaken in the body. I kept telling myself, “They are not mine,” she recalls. The main thing for her was that the babies were born healthy. Michaela, in turn, feared that she would not have an emotional connection with the twins, since she was not carrying them.
When passers-by said with admiration: “How great”, looking at my belly, I replied: “I am pregnant with twins - these are my grandchildren”. People were puzzled by this, but I felt better when I said it out loud.
“I could not believe that my mother had my children,” Michaela described the uniqueness of what was happening. “I was getting ready to become a mother, but I was not pregnant.”
“The first ultrasound was worth all our efforts, previous operations, hormonal pills. “I saw my two precious twins,” she recalls. “However, the doctor was not examining my stomach.” Sheila realized how hard it was for her daughter to realize that she could not bear her own children.
To help Michaela, she described in detail her feelings throughout her pregnancy. The daughter accompanied her mother to each doctor's appointment.
“I wanted her to experience this pregnancy as much as possible,” Sheila shared.
Initially, Michaela did not want to advertise that the mother is carrying her children. But in the fourth month of pregnancy, she still decided to share the good news with loved ones. Some expressed surprise, others found their decision strange, while others rejoiced and congratulated the pregnant woman and her daughter.
Some said to me: "Oh, how great that you decided on this", others said: "Damn it, I will never do this for someone else in my life." My reaction was the same: “It's good that you are not in my place and you don’t need to worry about it!”
Children were born a week earlier than the planned Caesarean section. The newborn, who was named Logan, weighed 2,2 kilograms, and his sister McKinley was 400 grams lighter. Now they are a little over a year old. 28-year-old Michaela shared in an interview that, despite all her experiences, she immediately developed an emotional attachment for twins.
“The very minute I picked them up, my fears disappeared. I was overwhelmed with a wave of love and joyful excitement - I experienced exactly the same emotions when I gave birth to a son, - said Michaela. “When the twins mature, I will tell them what their incredible grandmother did for them.” I will tell them that she is a real hero! ”
Sheila admitted that it was difficult for her to get rid of maternal instincts.
“My brain knew that these were not my children, but my body refused to admit it. My daughter stayed with us for several weeks, and when the children began to cry in the middle of the night, my instincts urged me to jump and run to them. It was hard to resist, ”she said.
Over time, maternal instincts still subsided, and the American began to be content with the status of a grandmother.
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Julia
51-year-old Julia Laving from the American city of Chicago, Illinois, has long dreamed of becoming a grandmother. But her 29-year-old daughter, Breanna Lockwood, with her 28-year-old husband, Aaron, could not conceive a child for several years. They started trying after the wedding in July 2016, and a year later the girl revealed infertility. Doctors advised the couple to go to the clinic for artificial insemination.
Spouses spent 73 thousand dollars on IVF procedures. Breanna underwent seven surgeries, three egg collection and four failed embryo transplants. The girl managed to get pregnant twice, including twins, but both times she had a miscarriage.
“It crippled us. For two years we tried to conceive a baby and thought that we had already gone through all the trials when I lost the twins, ”Breanna said.
Due to a number of unsuccessful births, she developed Asherman's syndrome - a rare disease in which a scar forms inside the uterus that does not allow a woman to bear a child.
We were told that we need to find a surrogate mother, since my uterus is no longer able to endure pregnancy. It was very hard for me psychologically, I felt like a complete failure.
Julia invited her daughter to become a surrogate mother for her when she first underwent an IVF procedure. Then Breanna did not take her mother's words seriously, but in 2019 she agreed. Julia passed the medical tests, which allowed her to bear someone else's child. Due to the fact that the American carefully watched herself and regularly participated in marathons and a triathlon, she was in excellent health.
“My husband also supported this idea. He was delighted and grateful to her for taking this step for us, ”says Breanna.
In August 2019, Julia began preparing for IVF and in March of this year became pregnant with her own grandson. Delivery is scheduled for November. Breanna and her husband Aaron live next to the pregnant woman and help her in everything. The family plans to find out the gender of the unborn child in the coming weeks.
“We are all in awe. The unconditional support and self-sacrifice of family members, as well as the strength of the human spirit, delighted me as a doctor, ”commented reproductologist Brian Kaplan.
According to Breanna, the pregnancy of the mother proceeds calmly. She does not suffer from malaise and feels great.
“I was going to become a mother no matter what. And it doesn’t matter whether it is a natural pregnancy, IVF, surrogate mother services or even adoption, ”she emphasized. “I kept telling myself that I would become a mother, no matter how fate would lead me.”
