The article has been automatically translated into English by Google Translate from Russian and has not been edited.

The desire to please everyone and even 10 signs that you raised a toxic mom

'18.07.2019'

Source: Heroine.ru

Your relationship with your mother is one of the first relationships in life, so they greatly influence how you live and what kind of relationships you build with others in the future. The good news is that you can overcome a great deal by putting a little effort into it. For a start it is worth determining that you really have difficulties in the present tense and they are caused precisely by the influence of a toxic mother.

Фото: Depositphotos

1. All your goals are built to impress her.

Your childhood with a toxic mom may well be the starting point for the desire to get her approval, doing what you really would not want, writes Heroine.ru. You do things with the subconscious thought that they will like them, and then wait for her reaction. These may be university admissions; and dating someone whom she respects; and the work she would like for you. You constantly check that she knows about new achievements, and you are disappointed if your efforts do not lead to the expected reaction. Remember that your achievements have value, even if she does not see it.

2. You catch yourself acting like her

If your childhood was spent in a toxic house, you surely swore that you would never behave like your parents. But how we behave in adulthood largely depends on our attitudes in childhood. So it is not surprising if you copy these unhealthy patterns. When you realize that many of your words and deeds resemble the behavior of your mother, this can turn into a panic. However, if you take your habits carefully, analyze them and rethink the reactions, you will be able to develop your healthy personality.

3. Can you hear her voice in your head

Sometimes the words of your mother literally echo in your head, even if you haven’t communicated for years or improved your relationship when you were an adult. You make a mistake, and you hear: “You can’t do anything normal!” Or do you even tell yourself about it? With this negative record, playing over and over again, it is quite difficult to work, but still possible. Just remember that you have the right to make a mistake, and that does not make you a bad person.

On the subject: 5 signs that you are a toxic mother

4. You think about her constantly

If mom was the main source of stress in your childhood, you would like to move on and not think about it once again. It’s easier to say than to do: you regularly recall unpleasant comments that she lets go about your studies, or you go through loud scandals. She still takes more of your mind than you would like to allow her. And it affects your emotions more than you think.

Фото: Depositphotos

5. You worry about her mood

Your mood sometimes fluctuates depending on her answer to the question “How are you?”, And you select your own reaction to her words. Your borders are violated, and you are trying to move your space away from her bad remarks, which means you are giving less and less space for yourself.

6. She is your main motivator

You grew up with your mother screaming that you would never achieve anything? Or that you are a big disappointment for her? These harsh words can be a motivator throughout your training and years to come. You control her words, even if they really helped you fight and achieve a lot.

7. You're dating a man like her

You repeat the model of relationships that you had with your mother, with many other people throughout your life. It seems a bit strange, but it happens because this type of relationship already seems familiar to you. In addition, sometimes people start such relationships with the hope that they will finally be able to win the love of a person who is central to their lives.

8. You have problems with borders

Your toxic mother could well affect your ability to find healthy relationships and maintain them: your borders are not modeled, so you struggle to understand where you end up and where the other person begins. From everywhere it seems a threat, if the partner has a different opinion or preference. You get too attached or, on the contrary, emotionally closed.

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9. You are a perfectionist

If you are very hard on your job, it definitely has to do with the way you were raised and the bad words that are stuck in your head. People who grew up in a toxic environment feel that they never live up to the expectations of others and try to be the best. But still do not receive love and attention from others. They can also be hypersensitive to criticism, fight eating disorders, and even prone to alcoholism and drug addiction. It's hard to come to terms with this, knowing how much your mother influenced it. But this is a serious step towards improving your life.

Фото: Depositphotos

10. You feel guilty

No matter what happened in your life, you experience that this is all your fault. Some toxic mothers blame the children for ruining their lives. Permanent guilt is taking root, and it may seem to you that you do everything absolutely wrong and are about to make a big mistake.

11. You try to please everyone

If you are constantly trying to please someone else’s desires in your childhood, this takes on dangerous forms as adults. For example, you buy mothers gifts that you cannot afford. In other respects, you can give everything not only with money, but also with other resources — time and emotion — considering that this is the only way to achieve favor.

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