Stop hysterical! How to calm the child and not to break it
'09.04.2019'
Source: I'm buying
Psychologist-practitioner Maria Kulakova gave a clear algorithm for how to help the child quickly calm down when he once again "arranged a concert."
For all the time of practice by a family psychologist, I did not see a single parent who could indifferently look at the tantrum of his child, writes I'm buying. Especially in a public place - this is generally a nightmare.
You probably already tried to stop the tantrum in common ways:
- cajole (do the required);
- ignore (let shout);
- threaten physical punishment (I hope you immediately realized that this is a very bad method).
Therefore, you know that none of these methods is perfect and does not always work. And what to do?
Instructions on how to extinguish a tantrum
From the experience of working with parents and children, I gathered an effective (and most importantly small) plan how to get the child out of the state of hysteria and at the same time “not lose face”.
1. Turn away from viewers.. I understand how the phrase “Calm down first” sounds. It's like saying “To prevent destruction, first stop the hurricane, and then ...”. Yes, it is not easy to come around and not scream at the child in response to his hysterics, but you have to understand: there is absolutely no shame that your child is lying on the floor and screaming. Usually in such cases, I say "every self-respecting child must lie on the floor at least once." Concentrate on yourself and the child, all others are not important.
2. Sit down. Squat down to be level with the child and look into his eyes. Try to catch his gaze. Remember - the most important conversations with children should take place in a comfortable plane. So go down from the “height of your parenthood”. In all senses.
3. Speak his feelings. Say in a calm voice: "I see that you are ... tired, upset, really wanted this machine, to play this doll." The child will subside as soon as you call the correct option.
4. Explain the problem. Continue just as calmly: “But I can’t (I don’t want) to buy it, go now and there. Explain why, but briefly, the child will not survive long stories.
5. Tell me you love him. So the child will understand that you are able to withstand the whole gamut of his feelings.
6. Ask the child if you can hug him now? If he agrees, hug, if not, say: "When you are ready, come and I will hug you." Body contact is very important at the moment of hysteria, because not only you are confused - the child also feels terrible.
7. Tell him that you are near and do not leave him alone. This may be the phrase "I'll be there."
8. When you see that the child has calmed down, you can smile at him and say: “Welcome back, baby.” Talk about something neutral, for example, what you will do now: you will come home, eat, you will wash - about ordinary things. Gradually return the child to reality.
What is absolutely impossible to do?
I beg all parents to remember these three taboos. At the time of hysteria can not:
- to shame a child - shame does not help one to learn to control oneself, but only confirms it in the idea that feelings are not subject to him and must be hidden;
- to scare that someone will come and take him away for such behavior - so you confess that you yourself do not know what to do with the child, and also transmit to him the thought - the world is not safe;
- bring up - it is useless until the child calms down. Do not appeal to the voice of the mind when the child is hysterical. Wait for him to come to his senses and discuss in a calm atmosphere what has upset and disturbed you.
Relationship with the child is always a field for experimentation. If you ignore the tantrum, it will become one of the ways to interact in a parent-child relationship, so adults should show the child where to get out of these strong emotions.
I’m sure if you manage to keep calm and not fall into self-blame, you can find the right words in this difficult moment for both of you.
