Psychologist's advice: how to forgive treason and stay together
'03.12.2017'
Source: Huffington Post
All people see their partner differently. It is easier for someone to immediately break the connection with this person and go on without him. And someone tries to forget, let go of the situation and stay together. Huffington Post gives advice to those who want to forgive treason and preserve the relationship.
1. Calm down, then discuss
Absolutely normal reaction - anger, aggression, resentment. Perhaps when you calm down a bit, the situation will open up to you from the other side. And if you start swearing right now, you can tell such a thing that later will not be forgotten and ruin the relationship forever. Whatever decision you take within yourself, wait until the emotions of both participants of what is happening subside.
2. Realize if you are ready to forgive
It is important to ask yourself the question - are you ready to forgive this person and his betrayal, do you want to stay with him after what happened? In order to work on a full restoration of relationships, you need to make sure that this is true. Psychologists say that it is difficult to forgive treason for people who have already had a traumatic experience in a marriage or in a family of parents.
3. Try to start with friendship
You both know that after what happened, the relationship will no longer be the same. This does not mean that you can no longer be happy together, but the relationship will begin to re-form from now on, and it depends on you both what they will be. Do not try to immediately play the former roles, start with restoring friendships, step by step build anew the trust and respect for each other.
4. Take your part of the responsibility
Yes, you may feel offended after such a recommendation if you change it, not you. But we are not talking about the blame for what happened treason. Experts advise to take responsibility equally for the further fate of relations, for the fact that it is necessary to work on their restoration together, and not unilaterally. This will be your team, where you are equally responsible for everything that happens.
5. Set new boundaries
It doesn't hurt to establish rules by which you can gradually regain trust in your partner - this will help improve your psychological state. You need to think about what exactly in your partner's behavior led to your painful experiences, and tell him your desires and requirements. Be adamant - sometimes you really need to say it out loud: "Do this again and I'll leave you."
