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Sologamia: why do modern women marry with themselves


Source: Clever

In today's world, it's getting harder and harder to find love. The human world has become individualistic and more closed. Perhaps that is why one of the new trends has appeared - marriage with oneself, or sologamy. But how and why do people come to this, tells Clever.

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Sologamia strides around the world

It is believed that sologamy is a millennial phenomenon, and only in the 1993st century it spread in the USA and Western Europe. However, back in 2003 in Los Angeles, a woman named Linda Baker married herself. She put on a white dress, a veil, ordered a wedding cake, but only the groom was not at the event. Even today, you can find a photo of this event on the net, although at that time the Internet in the United States was not at all developed. Then, in 2003, American Sarah Sharp married herself and even wrote a book about it, Dress, Engagement Ring, and Marriage Vows to Herself. In Europe, the first woman to perform sologamy is the Dutchwoman Jennifer Huss. Also in 30, in the year of her XNUMXth birthday, she decided that she was “ready to take her own life into her own hands” and went through the ceremony of marriage with herself. Further, there were more and more such ladies in American and European cities.

Now on the network you can find photos from the wedding of 30-year-old Chen Wei-Yi from Taiwan. At her wedding in a rented banquet hall, more than 30 guests attended. Japanese Tomoe Savano, a 39-year-old resident of Kyoto, a wealthy entrepreneur, paid 250 thousand yen, which is approximately $ 2100, for organizing a marriage with herself and captured all the chic action on the video. It should be noted that Ms. Savano has already applied to a specialized agency that conducts solo weddings. For example, in the United States since 2012, this professional life-coach and wedding organizer Sasha Cagen, who wrote the book “Strange-Lonely”, has been doing this professionally. In 2014, she also married herself and stated in the press that "... the most important thing here is true self-love ..."

In 2007, a man, a Chinese man, Liu Ye, married himself and uploaded photos to a national social network. And if you delve into the Internet, you can see that he is the first, but far from the only representative of the stronger sex, who decided on such a step. But why?

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“Here to you all”

If you look at what the solo-spouses themselves are talking about their decision, then, for example, Taiwanese Chen Wei-Yi said she was tired of pressure from society and relatives about the marriage that had not yet happened. Therefore, she arranged "him" such a "show". Japanese Tomoe Savano just experienced a lot of stress related to how her business destroyed the relationship with a man that could have taken place if she had quit entrepreneurship. But Savano in the name of marriage did not want to do this, she was left alone and thus decided to unwind.

38-year-old Englishwoman Sophie Tanner, who also signed herself in the Unitarian Church of Brighton in 2015, told the British press that “... This idea came to me when I was lying in bed recovering from the flu and an unsuccessful relationship with a guy. Everyone celebrates the beginning of a relationship or marriage, but society has no way of celebrating getting rid of something terrible or gaining personal happiness or contentment with oneself ... "So Tanner not only put on a wedding dress and engagement ring, but also went on a "honeymoon" to the islands . And also posted the whole trip in the form of a photo shoot on the network. Life coach Sasha Cagen states that "... the meaning of sologamy is not to be under the pressure of society and to be freed from the claims put forward by it ..." However, psychologists and sociologists have a slightly different opinion on this matter.

Narcissism and abnormality

For example, the American psychologist, sociologist and writer Timothy George claims that the popularity of sologamy is directly related to the narcissism of modern culture, which is spurred on by social networks. In them, a person most often presents himself as what he really is not, but would like to be and proves that this is now the case. It is no coincidence that all these people post solo wedding photos and videos for public viewing, in this way they loudly say that they are self-sufficient and being alone being “sort of” married.

A similar point of view is shared by the domestic clinical psychologist, psychology teacher and family consultant, Evgenia Rossovskaya. She says that "... this is a case from the series "Don't think about the monkey with the grenade ...". As soon as a person decides on a sologamous wedding, he visualizes with the help of such an act of protest the significance of public claims on his personal life. After all, if the solo mate is happy in his proud loneliness, then why does he need a selfie ceremony with a veil, a cake and a cortege of white limousines? And if it is really necessary, then in psychology such a technique is called substitution - a mechanism for protecting against unpleasant emotions, which is based on the transfer of a reaction from one object to another. And this is the recognition of one's own "abnormality".

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“Stay in my shoes”

Polina Aronson, a journalist, sociologist and editor of a popular website on international politics and culture, which publishes news and opinions of respected scientists, decided to find out what the most ordinary person experiences if he performs a sologamous wedding. Being a married woman, a mother of two children, who does not suffer from a lack of attention at all, since she has been living in a family for many years, Polina went through all the rituals of sologamy. The journalist says that it was purely anthropological interest, and she wanted to understand how such people really feel. For her, this practice was extremely unpleasant. “... I had a feeling that I was falling into some kind of hole, a feeling of horror of growing self-isolation ...”

Polina believes that from the point of view of self-therapy or “help yourself”, perhaps this practice partly works. And yet, a lonely candlelight dinner and writing letters with a declaration of love to yourself is more like self-deception than an effective setting for happiness. So far, not a single, even the most progressive country has legalized sologamy. But the most interesting thing is that these fake weddings are based on the absence of an alternative to the institution of marriage as such. And even those people who do not need it at all are forced to borrow its ritual symbols with white dresses, wedding rings and limousines. And although modern man strives for a single, closed private life, he remains under the power of the biological influence of the need for a couple in order to live his life with dignity.

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