A chance meeting, or why you shouldn't waste your life looking for yesterday
What's on the mind of a sober, then a drunk - on the tongue, said the smart. A wonderful thought. Yesterday she received another confirmation, which I want to tell you about.
Having got a little tipsy, one of those who had gathered for a small bachelor party said that he was married for the fifth time, but he believed that in general it was wrong and that you had to marry once. Once and forever. The idea seemed to me interesting enough to get an explanation from him. I chose a convenient moment when no one was around, and ...
It turned out that in the ninth grade he fell in love with a deaf and dumb girl. Her fellow practitioners laughed at her. Children in these years are incredibly cruel, themselves, naturally, not yet understanding the full measure of their cruelty. And she, a beauty, but quiet, endured everything and cried in the toilet during breaks, and then, of course, at home, in a pillow, at night. And suddenly, in the ninth grade, she had a defender in the person of my storyteller, Misha. He beat with a mortal fight all the boys from his own and other classes, who not only dared to say something unseemly about his passion, Lena, but even look at her somehow “wrong”. And the people calmed down. The girls, however, were not particularly afraid of him, and still, no, no, they poked their mute girlfriend. And there were enough reasons in these young, seething years.
This continued until Misha caught one of the instigators and lowered her head down from the window of the fourth floor for a while, holding her tightly by the legs. She could not even scream from horror; she hung silently, like a sheaf of hay. Giving her the opportunity to “hang down”, our Romeo pulled her back into the audience and warned that if she or one of her friends said another crooked word in the direction of Lenochka, he would accidentally drop her or any other from the same window. Since he is not afraid of anything, and he has nothing to lose. And that's all. The topic was closed. And forever. And not at all because he had been boxing since the second grade and could fill anyone, regardless of strength and age. But because when he spoke about the subject of his passion, a devilish fire blazed in Misha's eyes, and none of those present, looking into those eyes, doubted that he might and would definitely throw him out of the window. For some reason, no one wanted to test this hypothesis on themselves.
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And so they all fell silent. And his passion, Juliet, that is, Lena, for him, as in a good novel, also harbored corresponding feelings, which for the time being he simply did not guess. But the secret was revealed and the romance was seething to the fullest. Everything was going in the right direction, until the day when the girl, for inexplicable reasons, became seriously ill and died out in a year, which shocked both parents and friends and relatives ... and, of course, our hero. And it is not even known who is more.
History is silent about how he suffered and worried (or rather, he did not talk). Misha even tried to commit suicide, but the chandelier hook broke and saved him. This semi-mystical fact immediately sobered Misha and he thought that maybe he had a different destiny and needed to live, no matter how difficult it was, without dooming one more parents (his own, in this case) to the loss of a child, that is the most terrible atrocity that a person can consciously commit.
Well. And over the next 40 years, our hero tried to arrange his life. He met others, even married, as I have already mentioned, several times. Children, home, normal career. Outwardly, everything looked good. But it turned out that all these years he was looking for ... her. I was looking for my love ... in other women, really. Sometimes it seemed to him that he almost found her. But you and I understand that it was impossible to find her. The reason here lies in the fact that in reality, he was not looking for Lena, but himself. Togo, eighteen. He was looking for these feelings, this wave that lifted him to heaven. He longed for those hugs, those sensations that then lived in him and filled the whole being with an incredible, inexplicable force, which only love is capable of ... And, by the way, hatred too.
Although, this has no direct relation to our history. Just for those interested, I decided to mention. And, despite the mass of ladies who met our hero on the path of life and even several marriages, he did not find happiness.
Confucius, the great Chinese philosopher who lived in the fifth century BC, precisely on this occasion, said: “It makes no sense to look for a black cat in a dark room, especially if it is not there” ... Well, maybe he is not exactly right, word for word , said, but very similar ...
This is how we sometimes in life are looking for something that does not exist, and therefore cannot be found. This is where we are different. Young, mischievous, in love, reckless and not yet burdened with life and everything that flows in and out of it ... And these are wonderful memories with you for life. But just looking for their repetition is unreasonable. We were told that you can't step into the same water twice.
On the subject: What is happiness and why childhood dreams do not come true
And to spend all your life looking for something that does not exist and cannot be is most likely a waste of time. And it's doubly insulting. Look how many years our hero has been chasing a ghost. I am sure that he missed, did not taste, did not appreciate much of what is on the menu offered by life.
So, let's, let's live today, and yesterday, with all our reverence and respect for it, let us stay where it belongs - in yesterday. And you can rejoice that it was and is still remembered today. And it's good that the memory has kept these lovely memories. This I am quite serious. And let us say to her a huge, with a low bow, a hearty, inhuman thank you!
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