Jealousy as a relationship destroyer
'29.04.2017'
Many believe that jealousy is an emotion that is associated with a lack of trust in your partner or with the desire to have a partner as a thing. In fact, jealousy is a feeling that arises in relation not so much to a partner as to a particular situation.
Why does jealousy arise? Most often, the fact that a partner is not sure about his life partner, is not sure about himself, and also because of the fear of losing what is - a person, feelings, relationships, marriage.
Experts distinguish several variants of this feeling:
1. Jealousy healthy person. Partners make fun of each other, provoke small outbursts of jealousy, which do not introduce misunderstanding, but, on the contrary, strengthen relationships.
2. Jealousy is painful. Most often develops in insecure people. This is the most "passive" jealousy. A person is jealous, suffers, but is silent and does not take any steps to get rid of the feeling that eats away from within. Because he is not confident in his abilities, in his orchestra, in his feelings.
3.Revnost pathological. The most terrible jealousy. It is on the basis of such jealousy that crimes are committed. A person is not able to control the outbreak of aggression and begins to commit strange actions.
Virtually every loving person in one degree or another feels a sense of jealousy.
Start a relationship. Couples who just go through a period of getting to know each other are capable of feeling jealous, since their feelings are not yet strong, the partners know each other badly and each other’s lifestyle. "And often you write girls in Skype in the evenings?". It is likely that often, but this is not a reason for jealousy. And if such situations arise at the beginning of a relationship, it is worth discussing them immediately, and at the same time gently defining the boundaries of your personal space.
2-3 years of life together. The first year or two of lovers try to spend all the time together, and if they choose to talk with friends, then in pairs. But after 3's jointly conducted years, each of the partners gradually returns to its orbit and begins again to communicate with friends and colleagues individually, including friends of the opposite sex. There may be jealousy of misunderstanding. “Well, how is it? Just yesterday, it was just so good for us together, and today you need to meet a former classmate or a neighbor with whom you grew up together? ” In fact - yes, it is necessary. Otherwise, the partners become self-contained and stop developing.
7-10 years of life together. The partners got to know each other almost thoroughly, and by that time they had already managed to acquire children. But they did not take into account one factor - time passes, each person grows up and changes, his environment and interests change. Some friends gradually disappear from life, and new ones appear instead. For example, the wife after the birth of children decided to change the scope of activities and became interested in interior design, although before marriage she taught at school. Accordingly, completely different people, other interests, new friends and new communication will appear in her surroundings. If the husband understands this, it is good, but unfortunately, often husbands cannot realize that the girl they marry in their youth, and the adult woman after 10, the years of marriage are significantly different from each other.
The most important thing for partners to do in any situation that provokes jealousy is to talk and figure out what is happening. If the partner says that this is from lack of attention - most likely it is. If something is missing in a relationship, sooner or later the partner will start looking for it outside the relationship.
If the attacks of jealousy occur out of the blue, without any reason, for example, being followed up during a meeting with friends, checking phones, e-mail and exhausting finding out the reasons for the delay after half an hour - you should go to a specialist. You have a chance to save everything, but you cannot cope on your own.
If your partner regularly rolls up tantrums about the message in the messenger, beats the dishes, rude your friends and acquaintances, applies physical violence to you, then it is most likely a pathology. It is best to break such a relationship.
You can write treatises and multi-volume books about jealousy, but one thing is clear: if your jealousy or your partner’s jealousy is cause for concern, and there is no reason for jealousy, then you shouldn’t let go of the situation, as this can destroy your relationship. If jealousy is exhausting you or your partner, if it comes to serious scandals and physical aggression - then, most likely, your relationship has already ended.
