Male opinion: how women are taught from childhood that they have problem areas
Problem areas of women: each at least once heard about these important places on her body, which must be covered up or somehow beaten up. This expression is so often used that many consider it quite adequate and reasonable. Is it really?
“Yes, I have problem areas and I, as a real woman, should be able to work with them!”, - this is pumped up right from childhood, Nikita Podgornov writes for Snob.ru. Mom teaches her daughter what to emphasize, and what better to cover. Other mothers will look at the 8-year-old child and say: “To this Lisa with her broad shoulders and wear such dresses ... Well, I don’t know what mother will wear such a dress?”
And everything, Liza will remember for the rest of her life that her wide shoulders are her cant. Problem place! And there are thousands of women. Who has the neck is too short, who has a huge nose, who has small lips, who has too long legs. Yes, it happens.
Too thin and not-pro-por-ti-o-nal-na. Dilda with long legs. There Michelangelo came in, looked at the girl, and pronounced a virdic: “No, of course, the statue of the goddess will not come out of it. There is no perfect proportion between the length of the legs and the body. This is no good. And the neck, just look, not elongated just enough so that it is combined with the width of the shoulders and the length of the arms. Some formless squalor. No no no. The girl needs to be shy of her body. She has so many trouble spots !!! ”
Mom recorded everything and the bombing began: what should be worn and what should not. In what position you can get up, and in which not. And then suddenly you leave undisguised a problem place. Shame you will not be gathered.
The most interesting thing that women consider it as something of a mandatory skill. The ability to hide and underline. Do not give a damn about these rules that interfere with life, nurture complexes and hatred. On the contrary, they put up with them and cultivate them even more. Because, in the same place, mutual reinforcement begins - a woman believes that everything around is monitoring her problem areas and she is obliged to cover them. Well and, accordingly, do not disappear the same skill - she begins to monitor the problem areas of others and evaluate their ability to "hide / emphasize." Cute female world. Full of light and love.
Therefore, it seems to me that women constantly evaluate each other. Especially goes to celebrities. Pugacheva here soon 70, and she is like a summer 20. His feet forever parade exposes. Disproportionate. But it's clear from the hands that it is old. And on the head some rags. Makeup is also no longer age. Ah ah ah. She did not teach her mother to cover problem areas in her childhood.
And so about anyone. Buzova - everything is wrong right there. Just in vain was born. Mom as a child didn’t teach Loboda that with her nose on the stage it’s impossible and that her hands .... Guess already, huh? That's right, disproportionate.
In general, a nightmare, and not the female world.
No: “Well done, Alla Borisovna! Such a career! It was above the stars in this country. All tested. It was terribly hard. So many years to keep the bar and still not to slow down. Keep fit. After all, mother in 60 years. Small children. And she does not want them to see in her the old woman who started herself. Grandma He wants to stay for them as much as that Pugacheva - a flawless star and a beautiful woman. Which with its power dragged an entire generation of women in this country through the devastation of the collapse of the USSR and the hopelessness of the beginning of 90x. Formed in them the belief that the beauty and strength of women is not in the parameters of some kind of appearance, but in the inner strength. The disarming force of feminine charm. "
But such a few people are mortgaged and few people teach their children what to look for ONLY SUCH in women around. Because it is a difficult way to swim against the current. Like Buzova or Loboda - go on stage and then get so much hatred and criticism. So much negative energy, how do they tolerate it? How much power in them. Great women.
Just most of the women in the office can not come, where five or ten colleagues, if her hands are not open to three-quarters. After all, there is not an elegant pen like Julia Roberts, but such a normal female hand, which has fat cells and fullness.
No no no. Problem areas - you must necessarily hide! I even heard this: “A real woman is one who knows how to conceal problem areas, emphasizing her best qualities.” At the training for women. According to personal growth.
Apparently, in the next room, at a parenting training session, they learn how to raise a notorious person from their child, who will try all her life to prove that she correctly understands the rules of the game “underline / problem-hide”.
You are probably waiting for me to start entering the "accept yourself as you are!" Your body is part of nature, and no one has the right to criticize it! No. I won't. This does not work. As escapism, yes, but not as a solution to the problem. You can run away from your complexes associated with criticism and, above all, self-criticism, of your appearance for years and decades. Run away through some oriental practices, endless healthy lifestyles, deliberate body positive or radical feminism with hair growing out on the legs and armpits. But in essence, this is all just an attempt to distance ourselves from the problem. Squeeze it out of the perimeter.
All this is laid by our parents and our society.
Problem areas of women and their complexes associated with them - this is an element of education. And this will always be as long as there is at least some kind of competition within society. After all, it all began with class segregation, when some opposed their "correct" appearance to others, to those who are lower class, and therefore cannot look like it should. Then it turned into modern marketing, when those who own certain more expensive goods - they are “better” and “prettier” than those who do not own them. Well, the personal level, that one woman is better than another, because her legs are longer and the neck is thinner and more aristocratic.
For a woman to get rid of problem areas is to stop assessing her status inside society. Given that the company will continue to evaluate yours, with all the consequences. This is an incredibly difficult task.
It's easier to learn how to cover / underline. To go with the flow. And I have no positive motivation to this effect. I do not believe that from somewhere suddenly there will be a generation of women not evaluating each other. Those who will calmly relate to their appearance and will not decompose it into correct and incorrect parameters. I just really, really want us all to try to work with positive reinforcement. Were brought up and did not offend each other. They talked about the good and were able to remain silent when, in our opinion, someone there is not so proportional.
So that we teach our children to never criticize others. At least in the open. Because we understand how painful and difficult it is to get out of this criticism. We all experienced it for ourselves. What is sometimes very heavy load. And our defensive reaction should not be - sowing even more criticism. Humiliate in response. To seek out shoals in others, even if someone seeks them in you.
Problem places forever with us. We just can help other people not to feel them every day. We just can not get angry. Do not be rude. Do not be arrogant. Even so. Little step.