Defeats and victories in immigration, if you left in middle age
Source: Russian women magazine
Galina Hayes arrived in the USA in June 2002 from Russia. Her husband is an American, Galina herself a graduate of the Moscow University, had a good training in many specialties, in particular, a music teacher, a cosmetologist and a massage therapist. The last 5 years, before moving to America, she worked as a music teacher in a secondary school and as a cosmetologist in a private medical office and as a distributor for the American company NEWAYS. Did the baggage of knowledge and experience adapt to immigration, Galina told Russian women magazine.
Now I am a music teacher and beautician here, and also continue to work in NEWAYS and in the new American language company EN100.
I know from myself how difficult it is to be an “alien” on an “alien planet”, so I want to share my experience of survival and my new birth in this wonderful and extraordinary country. You can talk a lot and for a long time about how difficult the first steps on this new land were, how much there was an outright misunderstanding on the part of the Americans, how many tears were shed into the pillow in complete mental solitude.
But this affected almost every woman who decided to leave their homeland in search of a better life for themselves and their children ... In spite of everything, I was not disappointed either in this country or in the Americans, I did not conclude that everything is really so completely bad in my real life, that all American men are such bad "byaki" as my American (now former!) rude and tyrant husband.
I have always said and say to everyone: “Whoever read the book“ Brody Castle ”will understand me!”. My fate is so consonant with the fate of the heroine of this wonderful novel! But I am still grateful to my husband for many moments of life, for the fact that he gave me and my son this beautiful country and was generous, both for us and for my relatives in Russia. He is also very good and attentive as a stepfather.
After the divorce, he also continues to care for and patronize my son. Yes, only there was never and there is no respect for the people around him, especially for those who are female, and his attitude, corresponding, is worse than for any animal. I don’t know, maybe it’s a pathology that he has such a mental illness, or he was born like that and genes were passed from relatives - those who conquered America in the past with rudeness and violence towards the indigenous population.
For three years of life together, he kept striving to turn me into a fearful, meek and driven animal living in a cage. I was only “allowed” to go to the post office once a week for 15 minutes, and if I returned home 5 minutes later, then another scandal awaited me at home with dirty swearing at me from him.
But, oddly enough, he goes to church every Sunday and considers himself a cultured and educated person, working as a water supply inspector.
It was considered a holiday for my son and me to go to the city for groceries to a large supermarket from our village, which is located in the mountains among numerous nature reserves, or to visit the large neighboring city of Denver with my husband's relatives, who, to put it mildly, did not “celebrate” us at all ...
When I stood at the stove and tried to please my obstinate, formidable and jealous husband, who was 20 years older than me and who was difficult to please in something, because he was annoyed at any reason, even from the Russian speech and everything Russian, counting only everything American is good and correct, I kept thinking then: “Galina, is your life really going to pass in this prison with good food, but in constant humiliation and insults?”. One thing was good that my son liked it here - he studied at a good gymnasium school, graduated successfully and went to college to become a doctor.
We, Russian people, are very patient and compassionate by nature, especially women, and when it comes to the well-being of our children, we pull our "strap" to the last gasp, submitting to either evil fate or ruthless fate. But man himself is the blacksmith of his own happiness, and I have been convinced of this more than once. Trust in God, but don't make a mistake yourself ... and risk is a noble cause!
So I decided to "take a chance", chose the right moment and left my hated tyrant husband, what I was in, took only my documents, my personal belongings and gifts - no bank account, no credit cards, no driving license and a car, which I certainly didn't have. Thank you for the kind people who “gave me shelter and warmth”, arranged for an apartment and helped with the work of a beautician in a hairdressing salon.
I understood that in my unenviable position I did not lose anything, because before the wedding an insulting marriage contract was made, according to which I was not supposed to get anything from my husband, both after the divorce and after his death, except for his meager social sphere. He signed everything to his numerous children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. At that time I didn’t understand this with my bad English, there was no translator nearby, and my husband was deceiving me, saying that if he died, then I would get everything.
Fortunately, my son and I had already received a residence permit, our green cards by this time. Both parties had no claims to each other, the divorce went through quickly and even without our presence. Of course, it was a shock for my husband. He did not expect such "treachery" from me and never imagined that I would be able to leave him in such a position - "downtrodden and unprotected", but he had already resigned himself to this "expensive loss" for him, realizing that he himself was to blame, that he could not hold me back and apologized in several e-mails for his bad attitude towards me ...
Yes, God bless him! But how I have risen in the eyes of my son, and in my own eyes too! Sometimes it was so offensive to hear from my son: "Be patient, mom, you are already an elderly woman and you will hardly be able to arrange your fate with someone again!"
But I could, and how! It is rightly said that man proposes and God disposes. Chance helped - I met on my way another American man, my age, who fell in love with me at first sight. This is an unusually kind, cultured and educated person who adores women. He is a professor of philosophy, works in a specialized school, and helped me get a job at this school, where I teach children music and Russian.
... Numerous stress and depression were replaced by respect, understanding and adoration. We have a lot in common - work at school, singing in a local choir, work in marketing companies.
I will not hide the fact that when I first came to the choir, I was very much confused, I felt like a “freak”, inferior. But with my musical education it was not difficult to adapt. All problems with English, which I had never studied in Russia, began to be solved by themselves, as I talked with the Americans.
They are by nature very kind and sympathetic people, always ready to help those in need. They helped me a lot, despite the fact that I have a different culture and traditions: some taught me how to drive a car, others advised me to take an English course online, or simply gave advice on how to quickly adapt in a new country. By the way, here there are mainly people from different countries in the third or fifth generation and are too “religious” - for every taste, both Christians and Muslims, and Buddhists and Hindus.
The nature of our area is extremely beautiful, with strong energy flows, and attracts like a magnet to itself and heals both the soul and the body at the same time. We live in a picturesque valley between the mountains, protected from all the evils of natural elements.
The main moment has come in my life - I have entered my previous "form", lost extra pounds, began to enjoy life. I myself took care of myself, even when I lived with my former husband, “improved myself” - I read various articles on the Internet, in particular, about the “hard female share” in the far abroad. I always analyzed everything, compared, compared my life with the lives of other women who had lost themselves here, generalized, making notes and conclusions in my diary, and once I came to the decision to give up everything, leave the abuser-husband and divorce him after three years life together.
I was not afraid of this “going nowhere”, I gathered my strength and started my life here with a “white and clean slate” and now I do not regret it. In that “past American life” of mine, I was like a flower dying without moisture. Sometimes I came to the idea that it would be nice to fall asleep and never wake up. Now I feel like a free bird in flight, a phoenix reborn from the ashes. Thanks to the new human conditions and attitude, I was able to apply myself in many professions, which I studied in Russia.
My beloved got me to his school, where I work as a “mentor”, this is something like a head of a circle - I teach children to play the guitar and piano, percussion instruments, dance, singing simple vocal compositions, I am an expert and assistant in Russian lessons ... This is good money for a beginner in America.
Children love me and respect me for the fact that I can speak their language, because the Russian language is difficult for them, and they understand how difficult it is for me to speak English too. I am a teacher for them, and they are for me!
My favorite drove me to different states and showed many sights, and in the place where we live, I was able to see and learn many interesting and beautiful things too!
I continue to work as a beautician in a hairdressing salon and as a massage therapist in a prestigious local resort. There are not very many clients, since every second person works here with a masseur's diploma, my “Russian exoticism” saves me.
Colorado is one of the states where such diplomas are recognized, no matter which country you studied in, and the language is not particularly required here, you have to work with your hands to pleasant music.
Here I confirmed my diploma from the Moscow University of Culture and Art for “Master”, there is such an Organization in New York that is engaged in this, very competent in terms of education assessment, because many other companies of this level are not more than “Bachelor” for higher Russian education. give.
My new American helps me in all my endeavors and supports me morally. He is attracted by the culture of different nations. With all his heart he “got used” to the Russian sweatshirt and hare hat with earflaps and does not part with them all winter (it's good that boots are not required here - it is relatively warm all year long)!
He shows his love and interest in Russia from school and wants to visit me in Russia. He is a very kind and extraordinary man, a complex and uncommon personality, which is typical, probably, for the entire professorate, with a peculiar sense of humor, an avid fisherman.
No wonder they say that “it’s not a shame to kneel, it’s a shame not to get up from them!”. I understand that my story is somewhat similar to that of Cinderella. I am so happy that I have regained myself as a person and feel like a Human. I was born again, my soul is so calm and easy. Probably, this feeling can be compared to the feeling of a butterfly, which first turned from a caterpillar into a “pupa”, and then only into a butterfly, or when a snake sheds its skin and feels itself born again ...
In conclusion, I want to tell you: Dear women! If you have failed from the first steps of your stay in a foreign land - do not despair. Start small. If you have the Internet, read more interesting articles, visit forums, look for communication with other people. Get into a marketing business. If you are a massage therapist, beautician or hairdresser, find clients among neighbors and friends, work with them at home or on their territory. If you are a good culinary specialist, organize “home meals” at your place, but you never know what a Russian-speaking woman can think of, because we have a ward!