Help others and earn money: how I became a surrogate mother
'05.01.2020'
Source: Adme
Hello! I am 24 years old and on the net I am known as surmami9. I am married, and my husband and I are growing a wonderful son. After his birth, which became a real happiness for us, I thought about those couples who are not able to give birth to a baby on their own and who are forced to seek help from surrogate mothers. I frankly told Adme.ruhow the process of preparation for surrogacy is actually going on and what is needed for this.
To be honest, I don’t understand why our society treats these women with such negativity, because they not only solve their monetary issues, but also help families fulfill their most cherished desire. I learned more and more information about this process, until I realized that I myself want to become a surrogate mother.
How to become a surrogate mother?
In order to become a surrogate mother, you need to find a family that needs, so to speak, your services. You can search for biological parents yourself or in a special agency, clinic.
I thought for a long time about how to organize the whole process through an agency. Indeed, in this option there are many advantages: the expectation is minimal, you are accompanied legally and the couple herself has already been verified according to the documents. But there are also disadvantages.
Firstly, they pay less, because most of the amount is taken away by the agency. Secondly, with biological parents - most often for safety reasons - you are not personally familiar. If some clauses of the contract do not suit you, then no one will change them. In addition, there is a rule according to which a surrogate mother lives at home until the 30th week of pregnancy, and then moves to a separate house or apartment with other surrogate mothers.
This format didn’t really suit me. I did not want to part with my family, and it was important for me to know the biological parents personally, so that they participated in the process, saw how their baby grows and develops. Therefore, it was decided to look for bio-parents on their own.
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How did I find bio-parents?
Since I decided to look for my parents on my own, I began to storm various forums on the Internet, personally write to potential parents, but it was all in vain. Some replied that they had already found surrogates; in other cases, some of us were not satisfied with the conditions.
Then I decided to search for information on VKontakte, where I found groups in which they look for surrogates and bio-parents. Reading the ads, I went to the pages of potential parents, and one woman hooked me with my ad so that I immediately thought: “I can bear a child for her, she will become a great mom!” As a result, I wrote to her and we started talking.
But, of course, it was not so simple. First, for starters, we wanted to see each other in person (we live with different parents in different cities). Then we had to sign a contract to fulfill bilateral obligations. In addition, I have not yet passed a single analysis to start the process.
Who are these people?
When I was looking for a family, I drew a certain picture of ideal bio-parents. The following points were important to me:
- when meeting, to feel that both want the baby, and not just, for example, the expectant mother;
- they should have enough money. I would not be able to go to the program with people who give their last savings or take loans (no matter how mercantile it sounds, I don’t want to think all my life that people owe me money);
- building friendships with bio-parents. Of course, there is a contract that we are fulfilling, but without a human relationship in any way.
“My” bio-parents are a couple of 40+. The woman already has a son from her first marriage, who is now 24 years old. They have been together with their current spouse for a long time, but they only wanted joint children after 35 years. And, unfortunately, it turned out that biomaterial has a genetic disease that manifests itself in adulthood, so she cannot bear a child, and if she can, she can use a large number of different drugs that can affect the health of her unborn baby.
How is the preparation process going?
As soon as we agreed on cooperation with bio-parents, I had to pass a series of analyzes. I was able to make some of them on my health insurance, the rest had to be paid - all were paid by bio-parents.
At the time of our joint visit to the reproductologist, we never personally met with the biological parents, and this was the first day we met “live”. Everyone was in anticipation.
My husband and I flew to another city, where a married couple met us. It was important for them to get to know both of us. We decided to chat in one of the cafes. At first it was a little awkward, because so many issues need to be discussed at the first meeting, and the topic is very delicate. But everything went well. As soon as the formalities were decided, we went to the clinic. There we were met by the head of the department. It turned out that she is our reproductologist. The doctor looked at all my tests, made me an ultrasound, and she liked everything. I was so happy - this is an indescribable feeling that you are able to save someone's life.
On the subject: 'I give kids to my parents without regret': 52-year-old surrogate mother will give birth to 16-th child. PHOTO
What are the difficulties?
Before the start of the program, I did not even know how long it would take. At first, we waited for the results of our analyzes, then - when the biomama performs the operation, after it it will be possible to start the program. The operation was more complicated than expected, and therefore the program was postponed to May. And in March it was found out that I have chronic endometritis - an inflammatory process in the internal mucous membrane of the uterus. I was treated, after which I just waited for the embryos to be ready for the biological parents.
You also need to be prepared for having to drink an unrealistic amount of pills. This is done in order to create an ideal environment for the future embryo and so that it “hooks” in my body. Sometimes it seems that I could eat only one medicine.
To be honest, I see positive changes in well-being: now I get less tired, eat less and drink more, sleep has improved. For my parents, my preparation costs $ 9 per month ($ 000).
It is important to understand that in surrogate motherhood not everything depends on the surrogate mother herself. For example, in my case, the eggs were taken from the biomaterial and the embryos were “made”, although it turned out that there were very few of them - only 6 eggs, and only 5 of them were embryos. Then these embryos undergo genetic development, resulting in only 2 embryos of normal quality.
Next, you need to be prepared for the fact that in my body as 2 embryos can "catch", and, unfortunately, not one can take root. In the latter case, you have to repeat the whole process again.
How much does surrogate motherhood cost?
I am paid a monthly salary - ₽ 30 ($ 000). At the 485th week of pregnancy, there is a separate payment for clothes - ₽ 20. The final fee that bio-parents should pay after childbirth is ₽ 30 million ($ 000). But the amount may increase depending on the risks. For example, for a caesarean section - an additional ₽ 1 ($ 16). If it turns out that instead of one child I wear twins, another plus ₽ 100. The loss of organs is also paid. We have a contract on 250 sheets, everything is registered there.
In addition to all of the above, bio-parents fully provide me with medical supplies, as well as sponsor pregnancy management in a paid clinic and childbirth there.
But, of course, according to the contract, I have a number of my obligations. I should always be in the access zone. I can’t drink, smoke or use drugs - they can test me for all this during pregnancy.
Due to the fact that according to the law, the woman who bore the child is considered to be the mother from the beginning, there is a clause in my contract that states that if I don’t give the child to my parents, I undertake to compensate all the losses.
Of course, I’m not going to break the contract, I want to help people to be the parents of a healthy baby or two. For me, it's like being a nanny before the baby is born.
From my own experience, I realized that our people perceive surrogacy very critically. Therefore, my husband and I decided: when the tummy becomes noticeable, we will move to another city. I do not want to become the subject of discussion, and especially do not want to drag my family into this filth. About the impending changes, we warned only our parents. Biological parents also wanted us to move to their city, because they will be able to observe how pregnancy and their baby develop (or babies: we will plant 2 embryos).
How do you feel about surrogacy?
