Why a woman needs financial independence and how to gain it
'31.01.2021'
Source: Life hacker
Own money means security and opportunities. He talks about how to gain financial independence for a woman Lifehacker.
Why financial independence is so important
Let's start with the main thing: everyone needs financial independence. Your own money allows you to at least find housing and buy food, as well as satisfy your needs without regard to the desires of others. Dependence on other people's money is not always painful. Sometimes it is easy and pleasant to live at the expense of someone. But here too much depends on who owns the money.
Think of yourself as a teenager to understand how this works. You have already formed your own tastes and opinions, but there are no sources of income yet. If your parents are good people, then they listened to your wishes. But exactly as long as they did not strongly contradict their opinion. And then: "As long as you live in this house, follow our rules." Some were less fortunate, and as a result, they walked along the line, dressed in what their parents bought, entered the university of their choice, and so on.
A teenager has other constraints besides material dependence, he often simply has no choice. An adult has a choice. It is strange if he does not use it and himself creates situations in which he can be vulnerable.
Why is it especially important for women
Because here the question is more acute than that of men. It is simply more difficult for a woman to achieve financial independence, and here's why.
1. Employers are more willing to hire men. To compete in such a situation, women are forced to accept lower wages. On average, they earn 30% less in the same positions with the same responsibilities. The reasons for this are not only in gender stereotypes, but also in the concomitant gender circumstances, which are discussed below. They also make women financially vulnerable by themselves.
2. Only 2% of fathers decide to decree, more often a woman goes on parental leave. As a result, it is she who loses 60% of her earnings for a year and a half, and then, until the child is three years old, remains without income at all. In addition, during the period of the decree, one can seriously "sink" in the career, since in the XNUMXst century this is a huge period for the development of many industries.
3. Traditionally it is believed that the husband is the breadwinner and the wife is the keeper of the hearth. Contrary to expectations, this does not mean that the latter sit on the neck of the former. In Russia, 74,4% of women of working age and 80,3% of men work - the difference is small. But women are often expected to easily sacrifice their careers for the sake of their husband's employment, if he is offered a move, they will not stay late at work in order to have time to cope with household chores. They are the ones who stay at home if the child is sick. All this is reflected in the salary.
4. Traditions again: It is considered unacceptable if a woman in a couple earns more than a man. Often, it is these attitudes that significantly limit career growth. And at various trainings, women are even persuaded to quit right now, because work is not their true purpose and in general it is bad.
What gives financial independence
Your own money is a straw that you spread in places where you might fall. In the Russian mentality there are many factors that interfere with planning the future, such as “if you think about the bad, it will certainly come true” and “why start a relationship with the idea that it can end, all the more it ends badly”. The problem is that if bad things happen and you haven't thought about it, it will be much worse.
Foresight and planning are always appropriate things, although they are designed for crisis situations. No one can guarantee you that life will develop exactly this way, and not otherwise, no matter how much you would like to believe it.
This is what financial independence gives you.
The ability to end a dangerous relationship
Take any story where a woman was systematically subjected to domestic violence. There will definitely be someone who will make her responsible: “Why didn't she leave? So you liked it? " There are many reasons here, and one of them is economic dependence. The choice between violence and life under a bridge seems obvious only to theorists who say: "I would be in her place!" Let a woman have the skills to quickly begin to provide for herself and sometimes for the child, but even before that time she needs to live somewhere and have something.
It is usually impossible to calculate the abuser in advance. In the classic scenario, when it comes to beatings, the woman will be shielded from family, friends, and others who can help. But everything - again, as a rule - begins with economic violence, when a woman is deprived of her own money.
Protection in the event of husband's death or injury
At the working age, women die 3,5 times less than men. This is due to the fact that the latter visit a doctor less often for prevention, more often have bad habits, die in road accidents, become victims of murders and accidents.
Accordingly, the loss of a spouse in conditions of financial dependence is not only a great grief, but also a material crisis that can have serious consequences. In this situation, it helps a lot when a woman has a constant source of income. Financial independence will come in handy if the husband is injured.
By the way, stress plays an important role in the high mortality rate of men, and one of its reasons is the need to provide for the entire family and bear sole responsibility for its material well-being. It is possible that reducing this load will extend its days.
Higher standard of living
Two average salaries are better than one or a combination of medium and low.
Separately, financial independence improves the quality of life of a particular woman. You can easily buy yourself something because you want, you don't have to justify every spend. But it is important here that a man also has such an opportunity. The situation when “all mine is mine, all yours is ours” is at least strange. In addition, when money is scarce, women often save on themselves.
More harmonious relationships
The average Russian husband is satisfied with all the qualities of his wife, except for the size of her income. He rates her involvement in family affairs, care, health and sex at more than four points out of five, but her wife's satisfaction with her earnings was only 3,71. Over money, Russian couples quarrel most often, finances cause disagreements in 37% of families.
A woman's financial dependence on a man can make relationships unequal and lead to violence.
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How to become financially independent
In recent years, there have been great changes in terms of the representation of women. If earlier targeted advertising offered trainings on the topic “How to inspire a man to a big salary,” now the vector of information business has changed. Women are offered to start earning themselves. True, they pack it into tearful stories about husbands playing tanks.
And although such coaches offer not to play with queens, but to make money, the meaning of their trainings is still the same: parasitizing on female neuroses, promises of quick and easy earnings and attempts to cut down money on this.
In fact, there are no special secrets here. To become financially independent, both sexes need to do the same thing. The process needs to be gender adjusted only if you have assigned roles traditionally. This is the case when it is much more important to understand why to do this. But just in case, let's discuss how.
Realize responsibility for your life
Until you were 18, your parents were required to support you, they were also responsible for your well-being in other aspects. After the age of majority, the shop closes. In a relationship, responsibilities and financial investments can be divided in different ways. But this is not done by a magic fairy, but by yourself, and you will also be responsible for the consequences.
Therefore, you should grow up and start thinking at least a few steps ahead. So you can protect not only yourself, but also your spouse from troubles in crisis situations.
Create an airbag
How to keep this money depends on the atmosphere in the family. If you live in perfect harmony, just keep them on the card. In an abusive relationship, it is better to have the required amount in cash and store it so that the spouse does not find it. In this case, you can quickly evacuate.
It is quite normal to have personal small savings in a couple. Relationships do not imply a complete merger, you are just two people with common goals who have made a choice to be together.
Negotiate the contribution to the family "on the shore"
The good thing about this time is that you can choose. Here you are a housewife, and a man goes to work and brings a salary. Or - out loud! - and vice versa. Both options are normal, only they should be the result of negotiations to make sure that everyone understands exactly how much they contribute to the family and what their partner brings to it.
"A caring wife and a real hostess" at the beginning of a relationship is often transformed into "Yes, you generally sat on my neck and did not hit your finger" at the end. Although it sometimes happens that household chores take up much more time and effort than office work. The working day at least has a beginning and an end.
Accordingly, no matter who is engaged in the economy and no matter how the affairs are distributed, you need to understand who does what and how the needs of both are met. But here it is important to bear in mind that when one partner demands uncontested sexual services from another for any reason, including because he does not go to work, this is definitely violence and has nothing to do with the distribution of responsibilities.
It is better not to leave the agreements in words, but to secure them with a marriage contract, so that later you will remember that your circumstances are the result of a mutual decision. Study the question carefully.
Protect premarital property
Overall, this is great advice for both genders. The property acquired in marriage is divided in half, and this makes sense. Both, one way or another, invested in the growth of prosperity, and this, as we have already said, is not only money. For example, administering the family budget and managing household chores is quite a job.
But it happens that you earned before marriage, say, for a one-room apartment in the center. After the wedding, you sell it, buy a kopeck piece on the outskirts and report only 200-300 thousand. In case of divorce, the apartment will be divided in half (there are nuances here, but this is just a story to illustrate, so let's omit them).
It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman, it will be fair if you regain the value of the premarital property, and it is better to also secure this in the marriage contract. Or, at the very least, keep documents confirming the sale of the old apartment and the fact that the money went to buy a new one.
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Look for sources of income
Even if you have deliberately decided to give up a serious career, there is probably a business in your life that can be monetized. Start earning with your hobbies, find free courses or sign up for paid ones.
Learn to invest
Everything that you manage to earn in marriage, according to the law, you will divide in half. But a useful skill will remain.
Do not give up your career under the pressure of stereotypes
If you love your job, feel that you can move mountains, you don't need to go to pots and a mop just because you constantly hear that this is a true feminine destiny. This sacralization of cleaning and cooking is a trap for everyone. Women have no gender bias towards cleaning toilets. Likewise, not all men want to work eight jobs, lead and move mountains. And they shouldn't - if there were no preliminary agreements.
So, before you change anything, weigh everything three times and talk to your partner. Perhaps your thoughts are going in one direction, and you will each do your own thing, distribute household responsibilities and be happy (or one of you will take over household chores and you will be happy again).
If you have fundamentally different goals and your partner requires you to step over yourself in order to please him, it may be time to use the airbag.
