Why I choose married: revelations of serial mistress
'05.06.2019'
Source: lady.mail.ru
Columnist lady.mail.ru Julia Verklova wrote down the anonymous story of a woman who for a long time preferred to meet exclusively with married men.
It would have been nice to write: “the confession of a kept woman,” but this is not about me. I preferred to meet married men not because of the money, I perfectly provided myself. I had other motives. In fact, they are very common, just not all of them are brought to the level of consciousness.
Many girls tell everyone that they can not marry because they fall in love with married men (or fall in love with one other husband all their lives) - the same is true of how unlucky they are! But in most cases the opposite is true: girls do not want to marry - and therefore prefer to communicate only with men who are not suitable for the role of husband in advance. Simply, they themselves are afraid to admit it: in our culture it is not customary not to want to get married.
Why do not want - a separate question. And here let everyone pick around the problem with his psychologist. But it seems to me that I have accumulated the lion’s share of all possible motives.
1 motif. Sex
I was brought up not to say that in severity, but in the atmosphere of some kind of murderous romanticism: die, but do not give a kiss without love; married - once and for life; sex is only married; man is a hunter and so on.
By 18 years I firmly believed that no one would marry a girl who lost her innocence. And by the year of 21, I found out that bad girls were just getting promoted to marriage, and my virtue was gradually turning into a defect. Therefore, I purposefully looked for a man who will reliably save me from this defect, but will not tell anyone about it. By all measures, the man must be married. I didn’t need a relationship — I needed defloration so that I could have a normal relationship with someone else.
To my amazement, the process went without blood and pain, and even ended with an orgasm. My first man did not understand that he was the first. But I realized that sex is beautiful in itself, and not as payment for marriage. And here I have come a short but bright period of promiscuity: probably prolonged abstinence affected. I decided that monogamy is not my case.
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Not wanting to break the reputation of the “girl of strict rules,” I selected only married men as partners for conspiracy reasons. It was in their interest to keep silent and hide our vicious connection. From the side it seemed that I “still have no one”, and compassionate girlfriends and relatives tried to acquaint me with someone from time to time.
2 motif. Romance
Men who cheat on his wife are very romantic and creative. And, as a rule, are not poor. I could not drive lovers home: I lived with my parents. The men, all the more, did not invite me to their home: there were wives, then children. Therefore, for dates we rented rooms in country hotels (if we flew on vacation abroad, then I always paid for myself) ...
But once a loved one invited me home: my wife and son went somewhere to rest, and the room was vacated. And so I enter the room - and there is a cot and diaper pile on the table. Ironed. And I do hate ironing out of household chores. This was the first trigger. I thought: thank God, it's all not on me!
Dinner my strange husband cooked that evening himself. And after dinner, leaving the dirty dishes on the table, we burst into the bedroom ... I lay on someone else's matrimonial bed and think, who should now wash the dishes? If in fairness, then I: he was cooking. And if in another case, then why? I’m not his wife ... The advantage of a mistress is that she doesn’t need to restore order after romantic evenings. And I decided that I definitely did not want to get married. Never.
The whole point of extramarital relations is in endless courtship: a man must solve problems and provide comfort. In the family, everything is strictly the opposite: the woman solves questions and is responsible for comfort (in any case, in the family of my parents it was like this).
3 motif. Glass of water
“Marry (marry), and then in old age there will be no one to file a glass of water” - the argument was once very popular.
When I had 25, my father died. He died long and painfully. My mother and I were on duty at the hospital. For three months I have seen enough of everyone. When a dying man always sits a woman - his wife, mother, daughter. With a dying woman, at best, a mother or daughter is sitting. A husband or son can drop by for a minute, throw food ... It was there that I realized that marriage is beneficial only to a man: this is to him, should that happen, the wife will run with the notorious glass of water. And sick wives die of dehydration.
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The logical question is: why did I not choose loneliness with such psychological attitudes? Let's be honest: no one likes being alone! I liked to love and be loved. But with a glass of water, if anything, let the legitimate wife run.
4 motif. Introversion
The most introverted introvert sometimes needs support, communication, outside help. And in love, too, needs. But not always, unlike extroverts, but after the attack, from time to time.
In this regard, having one constant lover is much calmer than making new acquaintances each time or getting old friends (both of which are a separate difficulty for the introvert). Guest marriage seems to be a convenient format. But it requires both introverts to be both, and their thirst for communication to coincide in time.
But when you are a mistress, and your man has another woman for constant communication, he is always ready to help you: at least move the furniture, at least bring your cat to the vet to take, at least the guarantor to go when you take a loan from the bank. By the way, when I was in the hospital with my father, my lover came to feed me and walk me - just so that I would not go crazy. And he needed nothing in return, except sincere appreciation.
Most likely, the fact is that someone else's husband is constantly indebted to you. He cannot marry you (but is convinced that all girls want to marry), so he feels guilty all the time. This can be played for a long time, wives do not have such levers.
Motives are over
Once I turned 30 years. I woke up from the loud ticking of the biological clock and decided that I urgently need to get married and children. I am not ready to discuss now whether it was the call of nature or the pressure of society: I just realized that the time was tight. And from that moment I renounced to meet with married. Shamelessly and in the course of acquaintance I asked: “Are you married? Yes? Goodbye!".
And the unmarried were rarely seen and all were somehow substandard: after all, it was customary in Russia to get married early.
Once a new acquaintance grabbed me by the sleeve and said: “Don't be so abrupt. I'm getting divorced tomorrow. ” - "You will divorce - call", - I answered. And even left the phone.
He called the day after tomorrow. True divorced. Not because of me, of course, we also didn’t know each other when he filed for divorce. A year later, we got married (I was five months pregnant). We have been living for five years - the flight is normal.
I do not cheat on my husband, I have no need: there is enough sex, life and care for the child are clearly divided in half, the opportunity to be alone is from time to time given to me ... And I still have to live to get a glass of water.
Whether my husband changes me, I have no idea. The wives of my former lovers believed that their husbands did not change them. So I prefer to believe.
