Why our mothers and grandmothers did not have postpartum depression: a conversation with the older generation
'29.06.2021'
“Oh, before they had 10 children and nothing, no one threw themselves out of the windows and whined. And now you are sitting in a one-room apartment and whining! Damn, damn it! " Channel author "Club of the best moms" on "Yandex.Zen" talked to my mother and grandmother about how women used to cope with motherhood when postpartum depression was out of the question. Further - from the first person.
Very often in the comments I see words like this. Young mothers who are faced with the hardships of motherhood are insulted, they cite themselves as an example of mothers who have a vegetable garden, household and a bunch of other problems. "But before ..." Before ... Yes, before, and such words did not know. It was difficult, mothers were very tired, but times are changing. The attitude towards children and the methods of education are changing. Earlier ... I talked to my mother (60 years old) and grandmother (80 years old) about how mothers used to cope with small children. I can say that some parenting methods will shock today's mothers.
Yes, before there were no diapers, no painkillers, no washing machines.
Swaddled children. Tight. Now doctors are trumpeting that you cannot swaddle a child with a soldier, this can lead to dysplasia. And earlier it was only like that. The children were sleeping, they didn’t wake themselves with their hands, beauty! Only then did many people have problems with the hip joints.
The nipple helped well from crying. This is now the opinion of doctors and parents divided. Some believe that the nipple is indispensable, while others insist on harm. And before it was like this: yelling, poke a pacifier. Nowadays they are silicone, latex, orthodontic, and before it was of the same type and for several months.
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Now mothers jump to the baby at the first cry, trying to calm him down right away. Previously, they adhered to the "pooret and stop" rule. The kid eventually got used to the fact that no one came to his cry, and stopped crying. The child was left alone in a crib, playpen, and sometimes even tied by the leg to the leg of a table or chair so that he would not crawl far away. It was within normal limits. Mom could not constantly be near the child. Can you imagine that in our time, in an apartment without a mother, a child will scream for several hours in a row, or will he be tied to the table? Yes, you will be immediately deprived of parental rights and convicted. And before that was the only way. If there were older children, they could leave them with the kids. Often 5-7 year olds “elders” stayed to nurse the kids. Alone. Now it's scary to leave such children just alone in the apartment while you go to the store.
Before ... Teeth hurt? How long does it scream? Naughty? Doesn't want to sleep? Alcohol will solve all problems! They moistened a cotton swab and let it suck. Later, different medicines appeared, and the grandmothers “treated” and soothed in this way. No milk? There are tons of mixes to choose from now! It used to be cow's milk! At best, goat. Well, there were no jars with the mixture even in the 80-90s in small towns! They fed what they had to and what they could find.
Now there is a huge number of diapers to choose from, and there used to be diapers. I kept thinking, but how, because the baby pisses very often, how to keep track, how to change it in time? The answer is simple - no way. Sometimes the child, if he peed, would remain in wet pants for several hours while the mother could change him. Discomfort? Crying? Will cry, stop!
Oh yes, and they also beat the children. Yes, BEAT! Disobedience, an unfulfilled task, spoiled things, and many other misconduct were punished with rods and a corner. Now you can’t beat the children, you need to talk to them. Even spanking on the priest is condemned and can lead to the deprivation of parental rights. And before, these were methods of education. Therefore, the children were afraid of their parents, therefore they went obedient and silk, because they knew where their father’s belt with a heavy badge hangs.
Before ... Previously, they didn’t shake over the children, they were brought up as they could, and not as they should. Moms didn't try to be perfect. Now we need little toys, lots of toys, various bells and whistles for children. None of this has happened before. Children grew up like grass. Childhood ended early, because there were duties and responsibilities. What is the responsibility of children under 16-18 now? Almost none. Parents blow dust particles off their children, and they, in turn, hammer away at the requests of their “ancestors”, can be rude, swear.
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Before ... We need to be glad that there is a CHOICE now. The choice of food, strollers, diapers, clothes and much more. He was not there before. No need to recall what was once, this time has already passed. You need to live today and with the current realities.
Why was there no depression? A few reasons. Firstly, the children were not shaken so much as they are now. Secondly, mothers went to work very early, and children were sent to nurseries. Thirdly, there was still help from grandmothers, because often the young lived with their parents.
Now a young mother is examined literally under a microscope. Parents, family, friends, social services. Everyone is trying to reproach her, to say that she does everything wrong, it needs to be different. And mom is trying to please everyone. Now a woman must put all of herself on the altar of raising children, while not forgetting about her husband, household chores, self-improvement, + she must find herself and start working on maternity leave. And a horse on a gallop, and in a hut. It was hard for mothers at all times, only before it was not advertised, it was considered a weakness, it was condemned.
Yes, in the domestic plan, in terms of childcare products, it is easier for modern mothers, but more difficult psychologically and morally. They try to be perfect, often losing themselves. No need to condemn, reproach, or insult them. Every woman, mom needs help and support, because we are all different. Maternity is easy for some, while someone breaks under its weight. Children are also all completely different. It is not necessary to consider that if everything turned out to be easy for you, it should be for everyone. Judge not lest ye be judged.
Original column published on the blog. "Club of the best moms" on "Yandex.Zen"
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