Why spouses become like each other
'27.03.2021'
Source: Rambler
It is believed that many years of happy marriage makes people resemble each other. These similarities are seen in character and appearance.
And this opinion was not born today. Our ancestors also believed that “husband and wife are one Satan,” writes Rambler. Psychologists at the University of Michigan decided to find out the true causes of such interpretations.
Causes of external similarity
Scientists analyzed photographs of several dozen couples. All pictures were taken at different times during the marriage. Indeed, it was possible to find external signs of similarity that appeared over time. Scientists explain this by the fact that people initially choose their life companions, who are similar to them in appearance.
Examples of many racially mixed marriages refute this assumption. If it were true, the mestizo children would not appear, there would be no mulattoes. External differences do not interfere with the happiness of living in pairs, in which people live with different skin color and eye shape. Even if they really wanted to be like each other in old age, they would not succeed.
Behavioral similarity
Analyzing the behavior of happy spouses, Joseph Heinrich, a psychology professor at the University of Michigan, discovered natural signs that he called the “law of specularity”. He argues that all individuals, falling into a new society, begin to copy the behavior that is accepted there. So the newcomer demonstrates his identity to those who make up the society. He signals: "I am mine, I am located to you, I am the same as you."
This law was in effect even in the primitive order. And today he helps to join a new work collective or a fashionable get-together. It's easier to find like-minded people and be accepted. This applies not only to verbal communication. The facial expressions, gestures and postures of the interlocutors are involuntarily copied. And the higher the level of people's affection for each other, the more clearly the “law of mirroring” is manifested. The scientist even proved that the skill of subconscious copying is embedded in the human brain. He considered it one of the most important skills that allow the development of human society. When creating a couple, people, among other things, tend to copy each other's behavior in order to make the best impression on the partner. As a result, this habit leads to a long and comfortable relationship.
Reverse side of the mirror
Copying has a beneficial effect on the marriage relationship in the initial stage. Taking over the hobbies and interests of each other, the spouses become similar. They are interested in spending time together. There is something to talk about. Disagreements disappear. People learn to smooth sharp corners. If for any reason this does not occur, the marriage falls apart.
By adjusting to each other, husband and wife want to correspond to the partner's ideas about the ideal spouse in moral, spiritual and everyday aspects. The degree of specularity in different pairs is different. A woman does not always adapt to a man, as is commonly believed. But in any case, the kinship of interests and the similarity of thoughts play in favor of the duration of the relationship.
However, there is a point where absolute similarity leads to a loss of interest. By adjusting to each other, spouses can lose their own individuality. Among the representatives of couples who have lived together for 10-15 years, there are many who perceive their partner as a brother or sister.
This greatly reduces sex drive. To prevent the complete disappearance of passion, it is important to maintain a sexual relationship in a couple. To do this, you should not only be able to "mirror" your partner, but also show your individuality.
Relationship harmony
People who have lived together for 15-20 years know each other very well. Over time, these couples go through many life situations. Partners get to know each other from different sides. Anticipating each other's thoughts, people intuitively choose a line of behavior based on the expected reaction of a partner. And here everything depends on the desire to be together. The larger it is, the more correctly the methods and options for communication are chosen. All the experiments carried out showed the similarity in the thinking of partners who have lived together for many years. From this we can conclude that in a happy marriage, the psychological and behavioral similarity of the spouses is inevitable over time.
