Why do we lose friends with age and what to do in order not to be left alone
'15.10.2019'
Source: Life hacker
Why now there is no one to communicate with and how to make sure that it doesn't get worse any further.
We are starting to make friends in the lower grades of the school. Gradually, they become more and more, the circle of communication expands and reaches a plateau in 25 – 30 years. After this mark, connections begin to melt, and the number of friends decreases on average by 38%, writes Life hacker.
Let's try to figure out why this happens and how to deal with this problem.
How friendship changes as we grow older
In childhood, we are friends mainly with children from the classroom or neighbors. At this time, there are still no special interests, sincere conversations and intimacy. Children share games and activities, learn to empathize with others and unite to achieve a common goal.
In adolescence (13 – 19 years), we keep some friends from school years and make new ones. At this time, close peers partially replace our parents. There is spiritual intimacy and mutual support, we learn to reveal ourselves to another person, trust him and understand what he wants. Friendship also prepares teens for couples.
In youth (19 – 30 years), social ties reach their peak.
We are losing some friends, but broken contacts are more than compensated for by new ones. Fellow students, first colleagues, partners, their friends and acquaintances - the social circle is wide and varied.
And after 30 years, our ties are slowly starting to evaporate. Teenagers spend with friends 29% of their entire waking hours, and in middle age this figure drops to miserable 7%.
By 65, 12 – 22% of people are left without friends at all. And although pensioners have much more time for communication, many simply no longer have anyone to communicate with. Old communications are lost, and new connections are difficult.
Why are friends lost with age
There are several reasons why adults stop actively making new contacts and lose friendships.
Needs and goals of communication change
It seems to teenagers and young people that they will live forever. At this time, the collection of information about the world is a priority, and various social contacts are best suited for this purpose. Young people communicate with everyone in a row, easily make acquaintances and tend to peers.
With age, the picture changes. People realize that life is finite and that we should spend it on something pleasant. The number of friends begins to decline: only those who provide emotional closeness and warmth remain. The rest are ruthlessly expelled from the circle of friends.
Priorities shift to family
At first, marriage expands the circle of friends: people get close to friends and relatives of spouses. However, over time, priorities shift to the family. The spouse provides the person with what he previously received from friends: he becomes an entertainment partner, satisfies emotional needs - gives support and comfort, helps morally and physically.
With the birth of children, this effect only increases. A small child takes up a lot of time, the circle of interests varies greatly, especially when compared with childless friends. Often people become family members, and friendships themselves disappear.
On the subject: An American married a childhood friend whom she had not seen since she was five
No time left for communication
Like marriage, going to work can increase the number of friends. People often communicate with those who are somewhat similar to them: they share a view of the world, have similar interests and social status.
The probability of meeting such a person at work is quite high.
At the same time, old friends are gradually disappearing due to lack of time and a growing chasm in interests and status.
Life circumstances interfere
In 68% of cases, middle-aged friendship ends randomly, due to circumstances such as moving. Only 25% of people intentionally end their relationship, usually because of betrayal.
Such circumstances also include accidents: the death of a brother or sister, spouse or child. After traumatic events, communication with friends may weaken due to grief and unwillingness to keep in touch.
A series of circumstances and a lack of time leave us without close friends. This is logical, but there is nothing good about it. After all, friendship is necessary for a man no less than a healthy sleep and playing sports.
Why friendship is needed at any age
From childhood, friendship defines our health and well-being. Children and adolescents who have friends are more interested in studying and doing better in school subjects than lonely children. Emotional closeness with peers increases self-confidence and reduces the risk of depression.
In middle age, friendship still means a lot to a person. And although relations with a spouse affect psychological health more strongly, a relationship with friends is immediately after them and more important than communication with relatives.
In old age, close relationships and social support help maintain cognitive functions, and social isolation, on the contrary, impairs health and quality of life.
This was confirmed by the 75-year large-scale study of the lives of more than seven hundred men from different social classes, trying to understand what actually makes people happy and healthy.
It turned out that those who have a strong connection with family, friends and their community live happily and remain well and feel longer than those who are left alone or not satisfied with their relationship.
Try not to lose friends: loneliness kills.
On the subject: How to be happy if you are 40, and you have neither a husband nor children
How not to be alone
The only way to improve something in any area of life is to devote time to it. And friendship is no exception.
Maintain an old relationship
Friendship is not static: it is formed, maintained and disintegrated. At any moment in life, the closeness between people can grow, subside or remain unchanged, and at what level your relationship will be, depends on your investments.
Meet friends, call them, take an interest in their life. Try to do something together that is important to both of you. For example, to run together in the mornings, on weekends to go to the cinema, do something good, or just gather once a week for a cup of coffee, but - be sure! - no passes.
Change the environment to make new connections
The theory of social convoy says: throughout life we are accompanied by a group of people, which varies depending on the circumstances. Each change in the environment in the future can give you new friends.
Get a new hobby: sign up for some master class, go to group classes in the gym, find community of interest in your city. You can find a friend at any age, and the older you get, the more meaningful and deeper the new relationship will be.
