“I don’t know why I continue to live with my wife. It's probably just easier for us to exist as roommates than to go our separate ways. In addition, in the event of a divorce, she will not be able to find a good home for herself. Even though I don’t love her anymore, I don’t hate her enough to create such problems for her.” This confession was posted by a Reddit user. 60% of spouses are unhappy with their relationship, but only 40% of them decide to divorce. What keeps other people in marriages in which there is nothing left of love for a long time? Tells Adme.ru.
Why do people continue to live in marriage without love
According to experts, in unhappy marriages, spouses are most often held back by the understanding that divorce will bring them new unexplored suffering. That is why they prefer to stay in families, although in such relationships there are no less problems, but all this is already familiar, which means it is not so scary.
Here are some more reasons that keep people in marriages in which there is no love:
- Divorce is too expensive.
- They decide to stick together for the sake of the children.
- In the event of a divorce, you will have to admit defeat.
- They believe that happy relationships do not exist.
- They are being manipulated.
- It seems to them that everything is not so bad in a relationship.
If you can find powerful arguments against the first 5 points, then the latter is clearly worth a closer look. In fact, it is not wise to leave a relationship in which you can still establish.
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First you need to make sure that it really is a lack of love
Do not forget that sometimes we may experience dull feelings for non-obvious reasons. For example, in the case of depression, which, according to doctors, appearing in one spouse, inevitably affects the second.
Or because of a lot of stress and workload, when you are simply not interested in being interested in your partner and spending time with him.
But even if love really is gone, this is not the end.
Let's see how such marriages can be saved.
Psychologist Susan Piz Gadua, author of The Thoughts on Divorce, suggests first checking to see if you still have a good relationship with the person you live with. If this is true, then you need to check why you started thinking about breaking up. Most often, people have completely specific reasons for this, with which it is possible and necessary to work.
According to Dr. Gadua, the first thing you need to do is accept the fact that you do not have to live up to the standards imposed by society. After all, it's like trying to stick a cube into a round hole. Happy relationships are different for everyone; they are not limited to the classical model alone.
- If you are worried about domestic disagreements, you can try to live with your spouse in different houses so that everyone can lead a life as he wants.
- If you want a change, by mutual agreement you can start relationships on the side. According to Susan, people who need several connections can remain no less loyal to their spouses than monogamous partners.
- If you initially entered into a marriage of convenience, then you can treat the family like a business and at the same time create a favorable environment around you.
According to this specialist, such advice not only helps to maintain a relationship in which there is no love, but also revive or increase warm feelings for a partner.
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Cases When Parting Is The Best Way Out
Unfortunately, not all marriages can be saved. There are types of relationships that are better to end: trying to maintain them, you risk spending your whole life in a state of tension and absolute depression. Psychologist and Ph.D. Sam Margulis called signals that indicate that divorce is inevitable.
- If you feel that conflicts are not resolved, and all attempts to talk and find a compromise in a relationship fail miserably.
- If there is emotional detachment, when you realized that you simply do not want to work on relationships with this person, and he also does not express such a desire.
- You or your spouse are seriously preparing for life alone: they started looking for a separate apartment, installed an application for dating and searching for a new lover, make plans for the next couple of years, in which there is no place for the current partner.
The main thing is to remember that relations should be comfortable. Not everyone needs love for this, just as not everyone can do without it. Would you be able to live without this feeling?