Why calling 'miss' or 'Mrs' can offend an American woman: the experience of an immigrant
'16.01.2021'
In the United States, you need to think a hundred times before addressing a stranger with the words "miss" or "mrs."
Ever since school, I remember these elementary rules. There are two options for addressing a woman: Miss ("miss") and Mrs ("Mrs"). If a woman has not yet found a life partner and is not tied by the knot, then it is customary to call her "miss". And if she is already married, then "Mrs."
Arriving in the States and meeting my daughter's teachers at a new school, I was convinced that I remember the Soviet school curriculum correctly. My daughter's main teacher was Mrs. Quick, a smiling American aged, and the designated ESL teacher (additional English lessons for those who do not know the language) was Miss Marzola, a young teacher without a ring on her ring finger.
However, I soon discovered that in addressing women, Americans often use another term - "mizz" (Ms). However, in what cases to apply it, I did not know.
It turned out that the appeal "Mizz" appeared thanks to the American feminist movement. Women did not want to put up with the fact that they were perceived with an eye to men.
“Why on earth is a woman obliged to inform others about her marital status?”, “We are not an attachment to men!” - Shouted at rallies in the 1970s, feminists of all races.
That is why in America there was another neutral appeal to the female sex, which is ubiquitous in business circles and in everyday life. And if there is no such thing in schools yet (I would not be surprised if this is an approved educational format) and female teachers openly voice their marital status, introducing themselves to the students as “Miss” or “Mrs.”, then a conflict can erupt in everyday life.
For example, my husband at the university, not bothering too much with graduations, turned in the cafeteria with a question to the American woman in front with the help of “miss”. The girl simply ignored his question, although she turned in his direction and looked around. As he realized later, it was such a tactic to ignore.
Probably, some female feminist forums teach such a reaction to male mistakes. It was the same when he decided to let one female feminist student in front of him, opening the door for her. The girl turned on the ignore, defiantly opened the other half of the door herself and passed exactly in that place.
Now, both I and my husband, referring to unfamiliar women, use the term "mizz" - just in case. And only knowing for sure the preferences and marital status of women we know we use "miss" or "mrs."
The original column was posted on the Between New York and Boston blog at Yandex Zen.
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