Why unkempt and unsuccessful men have high self-esteem: a psychologist's opinion
'13.06.2021'
Source: Yandex Zen
On my blog at Yandex Zen psychologist Anna Pogrebnyak decided to tell why, in her opinion, we meet so many “no” men with very high self-esteem.
“Why are unsuccessful men, unattractive, low-income men, so unsuccessful in life, such a high opinion of themselves?” One woman asked me.
They demand respect, they want a beautiful (non-mercantile) woman next to them. Although they themselves do not represent much.
Well, this is an interesting question. Such men can be found often. And that's why.
Some of these men were at my consultations on a tip from my mother (or she brought them in person).
They all had high self-esteem. As a rule, they did not work (those who were brought in by their mothers), or they worked in low-paid jobs that did not require high qualifications. Some were well arranged, but only worked for show.
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What my reader meant by male attractiveness, I did not fully understand. I will assume that it is neat and well-groomed.
The unkempt and unkempt men I happened to run into or work with also had a high opinion of themselves. Interestingly, they wanted and even demanded to be loved (disinterestedly) by well-groomed beauties dressed in the latest fashion.
Why do they think so highly of their own person?
And now the main thing: where did they get such conceit?
I must say right away that such men do not have healthy, normal self-esteem. She's short. And the conceit of such characters is explained by their complete lack of understanding of what is happening.
They do not know themselves and do not understand, and even more so of other people.
Such men are out of touch with reality. They live in the world of their fantasies and are immersed in illusions.
Have many unviable beliefs. For example, the men who came to me for consultations on a tip from my mother were firmly convinced: they all owe them. Starting from the state and ending with "women".
They should simply because they want to. And when the "debtors" did not give them anything, men began to do what?
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Do you think they changed beliefs? Have you reviewed your views? Get up and start doing something yourself?
Of course not. They were simply powerlessly angry, demanded, staged scenes (more often to their mother or loved ones), and wrote nasty things on the Internet and td.
An unsuccessful man with high self-esteem: a) has non-working or destructive beliefs, b) is divorced from reality, c) does not understand all this and does not want to bend under the world, demanding that he bend under it.
Successful men, on the other hand, tend to think flexibly and rely on objective reality.
The success in the life of such men is little influenced by appearance, height, weight and td... Because they take reality into account, they can compensate for their shortcomings with something else (charisma, kindness, generosity, openness, attention and etc.).
Outstanding psychologists wrote about this a hundred years ago!
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A successful man understands that no one owes him. He is able to change his beliefs.
If a successful man sees that others do not accept him for who he is, he thinks: maybe it's not about those around him? And in me? Can I, for example, wash my hair, or wash my clothes?
The unsuccessful one clings to his beliefs and views, like falling pants. His vision of the world is distorted, he does not know himself and others poorly, and does not have psychological flexibility.
All this leads to problems and even depression, and not to the disinterested love of beauties that such men dream of.
Column original psychologist Anna Pogrebnyak published on Yandex Zen
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