Why do we only hear what we want to hear
'13.10.2020'
Source: Clever
Remember, in childhood there was a game called "deaf phone": children sat in a row, and the leader's word was passed from one to another. And we always wondered why a completely different word reached the last person. Maybe someone has hearing problems, or someone cannot clearly pronounce the hidden word? Quite possible. And now we have all grown up a long time ago, but we have not stopped playing the "deaf phone", says "Smart".
Communication interference
Each of us interprets the information received in our own way. The point is that we do not just perceive the flow of information, we pass it through our experience. For example, a young man says that he is not yet ready for a serious relationship, and his girlfriend hears from him that he wants to break up with her. But in fact, for him, a serious relationship is a family, joint property and meeting old age, and for a girl it is just to be together and love each other. They see the same situation differently, because they were brought up in different conditions, different attitudes were invested in them.
Filter
There is a "filter" in our minds that filters out information that contradicts our views. Sometimes he can play a cruel joke with us. A typical example is a young couple in which a young man is an abuser: he controls every step of his girlfriend, does not let her go anywhere and constantly prohibits doing something. And the girl believes that she is infinitely in love with him and all his limitations are a manifestation of love, she wants to believe in it, although in reality everything is completely different.
We don't want to listen
We spend 70% of our time (excluding sleep) in verbal communication. We enter into communication, sometimes without even noticing it. Communication can happen not only through words, but also through gestures. Accidental intersection of views on the subway is also communication. And such regular communication is exhausting. The concentration of attention decreases, and we may miss some details from the conversation and perceive it differently.
Emotions
Communication is carried out through language. Language is a tool, a set of signs and symbols that helps people communicate with each other. But the language is not devoid of emotions, sometimes they do not just interfere with the conversation, but capture it. This can be seen in the example of a quarrel, when negative emotions take over and alter the perceived information so that the original thought is lost.
On the subject: Point of view: why we make friends and should we trust them
Thinking out
We all love to think out for others. Instead of asking and clarifying the situation, we begin to include our own fantasy, make assumptions and move away from the available facts. Various fears, self-doubt and many other problems can be behind this. I often saw how girls thought out for young people: “no, he doesn't like people like me, his ex-girlfriend is a hundred times more beautiful than me, he won't even look at me”, but it’s impossible to know such information for another person, maybe it's not like that at all. Her own fear of being rejected or some kind of complex makes the girl believe that she will never wait for attention from such a guy, although he already communicates well with her.
At least two people participate in communication, and you must be able to listen. Since we cannot fully understand a person, then we can at least try to get closer with the help of questions. Active listening helps us to clarify some points, unfold the story, and extract important details. It is necessary to move from words to semantic content.
