How to prevent a child with a pedophile from leaving? Teach, intimidate? Neither one nor the other works, and in some cases even harms - says the president of the Children are waiting charity foundation, a large mother of Lada Uvarova.
A foreign adult will always be able to take the child away from the playground. Well, well, in 99 percent of the cases. 1 percent will be left for exceptional cases. And no moral teachings can change this situation, writes Lada for Home Hearth.
And that's why
Fifteen years ago, there was such a classic divorce - on the road next to you in the car, the window opened, and they began to ask you how to get somewhere. And while you were answering, an accomplice of the interrogator stole from your car a bag lying on the seat. A bunch of adequate adult people fell into this simple scheme. It was a massive chees. Among the victims were my friends: lawyers, bank employees, managers. And they told me, shocked, that they knew about this scheme, heard a hundred times, were sure that they would not get caught - and still got caught.
About five years ago, there was a peak of chaos “someone is calling you very close and dear and begs urgently transfer him money - he was taken to the police, he shot down someone, killed, now he will die forever. If you urgently do not transfer money to him ... ". And money urgently translated a bunch of people informed about this topic. Adult people.
At the current moment of time from each iron it is said and written that to nobody Do not provide your password from the mobile bank. We all know about the massive success of these warnings, right? One adult friend of mine told me how he transferred a very large amount of money to scammers, experiencing doubts and suspicions ... but he translated, since everything was fast, they spoke very convincingly and professionally, it was scary for the savings that would now be stolen ... did not have time to critically make sense of the situation.
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If you calmly sit on a chair and think about how often we got into trouble in situations for which we were sure that we were ready, we get an interesting picture. Oh, how many critically thinking people spoke for some reason with a gypsy woman who spoke to them on the street ... for some reason they let some teller of counters who were not called into the house, I’m not saying - a policeman ...
One way or another, we all fell for some sort of bait. Or just unreasonably behaved. And they had consequences.
Now back to the children. If an adult, accustomed to leaning on himself, building independent communications with this world, knowing how to distinguish his own from strangers and good from bad, thinking critically, very often and easily can be confused by professional scammers simply because he did not understand that this the same situation when he is deceived, is it wise to expect that the child will not fall into the trap if he is told about this many times?
A prosperous child who is brought up in trust in the world, who is used to and should it is uncritical to obey the elders, since its survival is biologically dependent on this. A child who inherently cannot and should not resist the authority of an adult. And to resist authority, many of us never learn, therefore, in this world there are "alpha", and there are those who "I did because he told me ...".
The child is small and weak, and new to this incomprehensible, and therefore dangerous world. An adult is big, strong, experienced, another that can all. Physically and psychologically, the child is in full control adult. It’s naive and not adult that this is not to be understood. And expect that your child will be able to withstand another's adult. Can not. No need to expect this from him. Do not lay it on him.
Now, if a new aunt enters a group of kindergarten and says: "Marya Ivanovna fell ill, today I am your teacher, wash your hands quickly ..." - will someone not obey? Doubt it? Ask for a replacement order?
And if a new adult enters the school room and says: “The lesson is canceled, I’m a juvenile affairs inspector, we have an urgent check of all fifth-grade students. We are looking for the perpetrator of the emergency, you and you are behind me. ”Many will ask him for documents? And they say they won’t go?
And if an adult comes up to the child on the street and confidently says: “Vanya, let's go quickly, there your ambulance will take your mom away, running, she’s very bad ...” Here they will run up to you: “Rather, there is misfortune with your child,” do you figure out the documents to ask, ask a couple of clarifying questions?
And how can a parent live with this knowledge? Is this how I live, for example?
For up to five years, the child just does not need to be let out of sight. Yours or those you trust. And not because of pedophiles, about the probability of meeting with whom I will write below, but because a child at this age is active on the one hand, and on the other, helpless. He can just drown in a ditch, sorry. Fall out of the window, climb into the old refrigerator, get lost, etc., etc. Of course, everything is extremely individual.
There are children who grow up in extreme conditions, are early acquainted and exposed to risks, survivors and experts by the age of five. As a girl of 4's from the camp, who walked for two hours in the cold for help for her grandmother. But our tightly-guarded children from car seats, of course, are not like that.
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And from the age of six begins the gradual training of life in this world. I’m an exciting mother, my son alone went to the playground with an elevator ride for the first time in six. Almost seven. And we have a closed courtyard. Both cameras and security. But, if they were not there, he would still go, since it is time to start releasing. It would not be disturbing. It is in the city. He has been traveling around the village for four years without restrictions.
How do I feel about informing dangerous strangers? I inform
But I try not to bully. Since I know the real consequences of bullying. These are severe phobias and disorders that break people's lives. My girlfriend was intimidated in childhood by my parents so that she was afraid to go into the staircase. Each time she walked, as if to death. And in general I was afraid of everything. When in our youth the guys on the street called to us: “Hey girls!”, She almost lost consciousness from horror ... and nothing good came of this in her adult life. Continuous torment and bummer.
The option to run into a pedophile in a child, as I read in American statistics, since I did not find ours, 0,00007%. Approximately 1 on 1 500 000 children. And the options to break his life by feeding his parental anxiety and depriving him of confidence in the world as a relatively safe place, 100% of 100, if you try hard.
You just need to remember this. And behave responsibly. Understanding where there is a real danger that can be prevented, and where our animal horrors that we need to somehow control. Not hanging them on the small and weak.
For those who want to stop worrying at all that your child will be kidnapped - finally buy a GPS tracker. And do not be lazy to charge it. Since we all worry and strive to inform our children of our fears, only a few are able to take a steam bath with a tracker.