May Mask Revelations: Cosmic Genius Mom, Domestic Violence Victim, Model 72
'21.06.2020'
Source: Lady.tut.by
Excerpts from the new book of the brilliant May Mask - “A Woman with a Plan” began to appear on the Web. Lady.tut.by.
Few people don’t know this name, but just in case, let’s recall: May is a famous model (perhaps the most famous in the 50+ category), mother Ilona Mask and an incredible beauty: at 72 she looks amazing. May is also a strong personality who has survived an eating disorder, years of tyranny and domestic violence. She shares her experience with readers of the book.
“My comfort was food. I ate so much that by graduation weighed 93 kilograms. "
- I entered a university in Pretoria (South Africa) - in the city where my family lived. My parents were from North America, we spoke English at home, but the dietetics I chose was taught at the university only in Afrikaans. All classes and all materials are in Afrikaans. The language barrier forced me to study twice as hard as the rest, so as not to lag behind in subjects, and in no way contributed to making new friends.
From the age of sixteen I had a boyfriend, with whom we met, then diverged. When I found out that he was cheating on me with another, I was so upset that I stopped eating. I sobbed for a week. From grief I lost almost five kilograms. Just at that moment I got to the Vaal Queen beauty contest, a victory in which brought me to study in a model course, a contract with an agency and a whole new life outside the university. I went to Johannesburg to work as a model and did pretty well. I even reached the finals of the Miss South Africa competition and thought about quitting university if I won.
But in the last year of study, stress was constant. I did not realize how difficult it would be to study physics and chemistry in a non-native language. My consolation was food. I ate so much that by graduation weighed 93 kilograms.
I started going for interviews, but for those vacancies that interested me, I was either too or not a qualified candidate. Once, during another unsuccessful interview, I was introduced to the owner of a grocery company that needed a nutrition expert to work in Cape Town. I accepted this offer and moved.
My fickle boyfriend, whom I had not seen for a year, came to visit me and brought with him an engagement ring. He said that he loved me and that he would continue to behave well. What is ready to change if I marry him. He guessed the moment well. I was lonely, I injured my back and felt bad. My self-esteem was at zero due to the fact that I got fat. I hated my appearance and was sure that no one would want a relationship with me. I quit, packed up and flew home.
“He first raised his hand on me during his honeymoon”
In Pretoria, I realized that my boyfriend has not changed. He was still very aggressive. I didn’t know what to do with the wedding. Everyone around me was already preparing for her. My older sister Lynn sewed me a magnificent wedding dress in chiffon, which was supposed to hide my figure. After a couple of weeks, eight hundred guests should have come. All parental friends, friends of my sister Kay, friends of her fiancé. As well as my friends and friends of my future husband. We had a double wedding. I remember the joy that radiated Kay and her young husband. My newly-married spouse was furious because their happiness overshadowed his holiday.
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After that, my life turned into hell for many years. I do not like to talk about this period of time, because memories of it bring pain. Anger and bitterness fill me - completely not the feelings that I want to experience. After these stories, I toss and turn all night. I suffer from insomnia. But it would be dishonest to pretend that life is simple. Life is far from an easy thing. Harsh times are coming for everyone. If things are bad, get out of there. You are welcome. Get out as soon as possible.
They betrayed me, I became discouraged and repeatedly lost confidence in myself. And every time I felt myself at an impasse. And every time I somehow got out of this dark tunnel. But not because I'm stubborn. I was called such, but I do not consider myself a punchy person. I am strong, but there were times when I did not feel at all strong in myself. It took a lot of time to pull ourselves together. But in the end, I gathered my strength. I share my story with you, albeit not as terrible as that of some women, so that you know that you can get out. My experience is proof that you too can find enthusiasm and determination in yourself in order to change your life and find happiness. We all deserve it.
Almost immediately I discovered that, as a wife, I had to do absolutely everything. Using my savings, we went to Europe immediately after the wedding. To save money, we bought the cheapest air tickets and lived in Geneva with my husband's cousin. At that time, you could travel around Europe on five dollars a day, and we tried to stick to that amount.
I had to take things apart and then put them back together. I had to cook for him. I had to do the cleaning while he sat and read Playboy. Playboy was banned in South Africa and he was glad that there was no such ban in Europe.
The first time he laid a hand on me was during our honeymoon. I was shocked when he started beating me. I wanted to run away, but I couldn’t because he had my passport.
When we returned, I thought about turning to my family and saying: “Yes, you were right. He's a monster." But I was too ashamed. Soon I began to feel sick in the morning, and I realized that I was pregnant. I conceived on the second day of my honeymoon. It was clear that I had made a mistake by marrying him, but there was no turning back.
He could be simply unimaginably cruel. On Elon’s birthday, he was repainting his plane, and I helped him. During each contraction I stopped working. And he said: “Just because you’re having contractions doesn’t mean you can stop.”
He refused to take me to the hospital until I started getting sick every five minutes.
“You’re just a weakling and a lazy person,” he told me then.
I had to give birth on my own in the hospital and was in terrible pain.
The nurse told him:
- Massage her back, she will feel better.
- In terms of? - he answered. “She should be the one massaging my back.” What kind of stool did you give me? I went. Call me five minutes before the baby arrives.
“This is a man. A man calls you, ”he repeated. And he beat me. ”
In the early years of marriage, I was constantly busy. After Ilona, I gave birth to Kimbal and Tosca - three births in three years and three months. In the mornings, I worked for my husband: I reprinted his engineering specifications and was engaged in accounting. Gave advice on nutrition at home. In addition to all this, I also had child care, and washing, and cooking, and cleaning.
Parents allowed us to build a house on the site next door to them - so we did. I had a small pickup truck, which I bought for my savings, and I loaded bricks, cement and wood beams into it and took it all to a construction site, where the road took an hour. Children rode in the passenger seat next to me, because in those days we did not use seat belts. A familiar foreman of a father helped us build a house. I remember laying tiles in the bathroom when I was eight months pregnant.
I was pregnant with Tosca when dad died in a plane crash. He flew with her husband Kay, my son-in-law, and not one of them survived.
My husband was only interested in how much money we will inherit after dad's death.
“I don’t think we owe anything,” I said. “I suspect that everything will go to mom.”
“That's not good,” he said. “I did not marry you in order to watch your mother receive all the money.”
This is despite the fact that my mother gave us daddy's plane and for ridiculous money sold us the plot on which we built a house. He was furious anyway because he wanted more.
Kay got married again later. Her husband was a chiropractor, and Kay bought a father's clinic, which was located near her house. But my husband was sure that she got more than me, and became furious.
For two years he did not allow me to communicate with my family. They were forbidden to date my children. Whenever my mother called, I quickly said goodbye and hung up.
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- This is a man. A man is calling you, ”he repeated. And beat me.
But it was not a man, but my own mother. Even if I told the truth, he would still beat me. He cut me off from the family. It was a terrible time.
When my husband’s business flourished, he bought a few more cars, an airplane and a yacht. All he wanted was to look rich.
“Even if I was invited to work, I would not be able to - because of bruises on my body”
In marriage, I constantly heard that I was boring, dumb and scary.
“Well, maybe it's boring with me. But I'm definitely not stupid, since I have a bachelor of science degree. And I’m definitely not a freak if I won beauty contests and worked as a model, ”I thought. But she didn’t say it out loud. If I stuttered about this, he began to beat me.
Although sometimes he said: "I know what you are thinking about," and he beat me for that too.
Sometimes guests came to dinner for us. All the treats I was supposed to cook at home, even bread - and he had to bake. I am not a fan of cooking, but I had cookbooks. I followed the recipes exactly and amazing dishes came out.
He spoke to me in a disgusting tone, insulted me in the presence of guests, and they did not return to us anymore.
When our invitations were declined, he said:
- You see how lousy you cook. And you are a bore. Therefore, they do not come to us anymore.
Once we were at the Oktoberfest with three more couples. Everyone drank beer and had fun, and some pretty much typed. All three ladies in our company were delightfully beautiful. I was extremely modestly dressed, and they were in full dress. The ladies and I got up to go to the restroom, and one of the guys at the next table whistled and said something like: "Hey, beauties, you're all so sexy." The husband yelled at me and called me a whore. In front of everyone, he rushed to hit me.
He completely lost his head. With age, he became crazier. At first, he only beat me at home. But it got to the point that he ceased to be embarrassed by the assault and in public. The husbands of my friends dragged him away from me, and the ladies took me away and took me home to my mother. She was taken aback when at two o'clock in the morning I showed up at her window - we had not seen each other for two years ...
The next morning he turned to her house. He begged mom to let me go back. He sobbed and apologized.
“Don't you dare touch her anymore, or she will come back here permanently,” said mom. She was furious when she found out that he beat me. And she still could not understand why I did not tell her how terrible it was for me in marriage. I guess I was ashamed. And it’s scary that he will make trouble for my family.
He used to beat me with his children. I remember how Tosca and Kimbal, who were two and four years old, respectively, cried in the corner, and the five-year-old Ilon beat his father in the lap from behind, trying to stop him.
After the birth of three children, I stopped working as a model. I thought that I would not return to this work. Even if I were invited to work, I would not be able to - because of bruises on the body.
But once Letty called and asked if I could work as a model. My bruises had just fallen, and I could answer in agreement. He was wildly angry. He followed me on a catwalk and stood behind the column, watching me work. He came backstage and saw a hairdresser conjuring my hairdo. He wanted to beat that guy for touching my hair. He needed to control everything that I do.
He said that if I ever divorced him, he would cut my face with a razor, and he would shoot my knees in the children so that I had to bring up three disabled people and never work as a model again. It was a nightmare. I pulled for a long time with a divorce, because I was intimidated. I did not know how to find a way out. I lacked arguments.
The laws of South Africa at that time were not in my favor, and I had no legal reasons to divorce. Domestic violence was not considered a good reason for divorce. On the contrary, men were engaged in it, because it was manly, at least they convinced me of it.
In the year when the law on the “irrevocable disintegration of the family” was adopted, I decided: “Now I can get a divorce.” Suddenly I had a chance to get out of this pool.
