He said 'yes': the stories of women who made an offer and did not regret
'16.07.2019'
Source: Air force
Women are more often the first to offer their male partners to enter into an official marriage. Mass media connects it with the growth of feminist attitudes in society. Women who decide to take this step give several reasons.
According to the Pinterest service report released on the eve of the engagement season (in western countries at Christmas and New Years), the number of searches for how to make an offer to men has more than tripled compared to the previous year, writes Air force.
British Vogue notes the rise in popularity of the hashtag #hesaidyes (English “he said yes”).
Both Pinterest and Vogue believe that interest in this topic is associated with the MeToo movement and the struggle for gender equality.
“The proposal to marry is not about one person's decision. It's about reciprocity. If so, what difference does it make who ends up on one knee? ”- writes the author of Vogue.
Three women who recently made proposals to their partners told the BBC Russian Service why they decided to take this step.
Anya (London, UK)
I did not get up on my knee, but officially made an offer.
By that time we had known each other for about 10 years, had been together for more than seven years. We have two children. The youngest son was six months old at that time, the oldest was seven years old.
I knew right away that he would not propose to me. He married twice, and the last divorce was very painful for him. When we first met and began to be friends, he told me more than once that getting married was his biggest nightmare and he would never propose again in his life.
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The main reason why I decided to do this is children. My oldest child started asking questions. For example, why do we have different surnames, but all parents have the same. In general, I would like my children to understand what marriage is, and first get married, and then they have children.
The impetus for my decision was one evening in a pub. We were alone. While I was on the phone, he decided to order me a drink. When asked what to take, I answered: "Yes, take something." I didn't know what I wanted.
I love gin very much. He then ordered me a hot gin. This, of course, sounds ridiculous: we know each other 10 years, we have children ... But at that very moment I felt that the time had come to make an offer. I thought then that even when I myself do not know what I want, he knows it for me.
The next time we went to the pub, I ordered him this hot gin. It is served in a kettle. I put a ring on this kettle. It heated up, of course, it was difficult to take it. But they laughed.
I asked: "How do you feel about making me yours forever?"
He replied: “If you are asking how I feel about this, and you had the courage to answer this question, then I simply have to say“ yes ”.
He did not cry, but tears appeared in his eyes.
When we discussed this later, he admitted that he felt guilty: after all, he had to make a proposal himself. But I knew that he himself would not be able to do this, he had had too traumatic experience before.
When we signed, he experienced more than me.
We do not have typical gender stereotypes in our house. I can wash the car and he can cook dinner. Children know that both mom and dad can be contacted for any reason. It's the same with the proposal. When a couple has love and a desire to be together, then what difference does it make who proposed?
But I understand that this seems strange to many. Her husband’s brothers, for example, had been teasing him for quite some time about the fact that I had made an offer, but not him.
Fabiola (Mexico City, Mexico)
We met seven years. And how much I remember us together, he always wanted to make me an offer. But every time I was against it.
I already perceived us as spouses and thought: if everything is good, why change something. I saw so many couples that diverge, barely having time to get married. And for me, marriage was a symbol of the beginning of the end of a relationship.
But the more we lived together, the weaker my disbelief in marriage became.
We went through a lot: we lost our jobs, we were left without money, but at the same time we were still together. We passed this test of strength.
Once we went to San Antonio [a city in the south of the state of Texas, USA] to visit his aunt. On this visit, she said many times that it would be great if we got married. And his grandmother, her 96 years, asked me: stop refuse, you have to marry him.
They finally convinced me. I realized that I love this man and his family, and I want to make them happy.
Of course, I decided to make a surprise. After all, he thought that I did not want to get married.
Golf is our hobby together, we play every weekend. So I made an offer on the golf course at our club.
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I called relatives, including his grandmother and friends. They, according to my idea, should have been waiting for us in a cafe next to the field.
I bought a ring and two small boxes. I put the first (empty) one in the hole, in which I decided to make an offer.
When he tried to push the ball into the hole, he flew out of it because of the box left in it. While he was walking to the hole to figure out what was happening, I signaled to our friends to go to the cafe terrace and knelt with another box in my hands (there was a ring in it). He turned around and saw me on his knees. Friends at this time screamed and applauded.
I remember that my hands were shaking and my voice was trembling. I said that I love him and I want to be with him forever.
Now, after our wedding, when he presents me to someone as his wife, I feel that he feels pride and joy. This makes me happy.
In Mexico, women are mostly waiting for men to take this step. Therefore, I heard a lot of negative comments from our friends, mostly from women, who said: “How could you do this? Are you so tired of waiting? ”.
But there were others who admired how brave I am. They were mostly men.
Gemma (Leeds, UK)
Before I made the offer, Chris and I met for five years. At the same time, for the last three years we have lived together in a house that we bought together.
I felt that in a pair we both grow and easily overcome any difficulties. Maybe it sounds like a cliche, but I can really sit with him in the room, just be silent, and I feel comfortable with this company.
We never discussed marriage and attitude towards it. We talked about not being able to imagine ourselves with someone else. None of us had been married before.
After our vacation in Italy, I clearly realized: I want to marry him, and now is the right time to make an offer. And if I want this, why should I wait until he does it.
I was partly inspired by other women who made offers to their partners. Reading their stories in social networks and media, I felt self-confidence.
I called our parents and said that I was going to make an offer to Chris a week before. They were very happy and supported me.
At the weekend, I called him for a picnic and a walk with our dog. I decided that I would not buy a ring, but would order a pendant similar to the one that he already has. His name and date of birth are written on his pendant.
On the pendant that I bought, there was an engraving of our names and the date on which I made an offer.
I put this pendant in an old case from under the ring.
We walked, chatted, drank wine. At one point, I said, "Chris, I have something for you." And held out a box with a pendant inside.
While he was opening it, I took out a heart-shaped sign with the phrase "Will you marry me?"
He opened the box, then looked at the tablet and at me. It lasted a few seconds, but it seemed to me that a whole year had passed.
I asked: "So what?"
He replied, "Of course, yes."
I won't hide - I was nervous about how society (and especially our friends) would react to this and what they would say to Chris. But everyone we told were happy for us.
I can say with confidence that Chris's favorite story is telling how I proposed to him.
