Why are the familiar phrases used by our mothers now considered toxic
'11.07.2020'
Source: Yandex Zen
Modern psychologists will call many of these phrases familiar to everyone born in the USSR "toxic", writes the author of the "Dragon of the Old Guard" blog on Yandex Zen.
Most of the typical phrases of parents of the times of the USSR have sunk into oblivion just in the course of life. Well, who has not heard in childhood: "You are the only one asked nothing?" (this is my case, since I have never done my homework out of principle). Now a parent just logs into a chat or opens an online journal: tell me, do modern children write the task themselves?
But some examples of parental wisdom are passed down from generation to generation unchanged. What we grew up against (some even successfully) are now being declared harmful, traumatic and toxic by impostor psychologists and other "gurus" of instagram pedagogy.
I love the word toxic. As soon as a person says it seriously, everything is clear with him. The toxic one here is he.
But back to the phrases.
"Because"
Option: "Because I said so."
What is wrong with the phrase, according to modern “gurus”: this pushes the child away, but you have to squat in front of him and explain everything, everything, everything. Even if you are after a hard day, and you still have an annual report, next to which the horse did not roll. Even if the child asks to explain why he cannot jump from the balcony with an umbrella or reach the moon. Even if you have seven children. Speak and explain everything, all the time - like a thresher or a sewing machine.
Why did someone have a sick imagination that the parent (in fact, not hr * n from the mountain, but the main one in the house, or one of the two main ones) cannot forbid the child for nothing just because he decided so? The parent is responsible for the life and well-being of the child and has a huge bunch of responsibilities to him. And responsibilities give rights.
On the subject: 'And how did we survive at all ...': reflections on children born in the USSR
"And if everyone is jumping into the hole?"
What is wrong with the phrase, according to modern “gurus”: She's just absurd, leading the conversation to a standstill.
The child does not discuss terrible antisocial things with his parents - he just silently does or does not do it. And if something loudly demands, then, most likely, it is something rather harmless. Piercings, dreadlocks, disco ...
"Spit and forget!"
What is wrong with the phrase, according to modern “gurus”: this is a depreciation! For dad, this pimply idiot in tights is more disgusting than a slug, and for his daughter he is the whole world. Well, how can a normal dad keep from depreciating, tell me?
In fact, I do not like this phrase, because in my soul I am young and I still remember how I fell in love with all kinds of idiots. But I'm not sure that after 12 years I will not pronounce it. Just because you still need to grow to a healthy perception that not everything in your life will be available.
On your own. Yes, yes, “psychologists” do not take into account or do not understand that most of the correct attitudes are not invested by parents, but are developed by a person as he grows up independently.
And trying ahead of time to put complicated things in the head of a 12-year-old child is like trying to open a tulip bud with your hands. Nonsense will work out.
“Boring? Clean the floors "
What is wrong with the phrase, according to modern “gurus”: if the child is bored, the mother should jump up and entertain him like a clown. An offer to do a deliberately boring business is almost an insult.
In fact, the phrase is excellent. Seriously. Boredom is not a lack of entertainment, but a satiety with them. This is a serious problem for today's children. And nothing relieves satiety like light physical work and deprivation of external stimuli (the screen in front of your eyes). You can go for a run, but if it’s inconvenient right now, why not wash the floors?
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"Stop roaring!"
What is wrong with the phrase, according to modern “gurus”: yes, it’s true, by order to stop crying is difficult. But, as it seems to me, it’s unnecessary to bear nonsense like “ah, as I understand your feelings”.
In my opinion, parents should not say as much as “psychologists” advise.
I wang that a child of such a psychologically treated talking head will soon become deaf, like skin on a drum. Just to not hear this boring chatter.
Do not be afraid that some phrases “break life” for a child. There is no such thing. A creature whose life can be broken by phrases simply would not survive the evolutionary process.
Do not read popular “psychology” at dinner and after it (they are all women, these pests, did you notice?), Do not be nervous parents who are afraid of their own child.
In my opinion, fiction on family topics is many times more useful than all this mura.
Anastasia Kara's original column published on the blog «Dragon of the old guard " on Yandex Zen
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