The article has been automatically translated into English by Google Translate from Russian and has not been edited.

Рћ женских С‚СѓС „Р» СЏС ... РєР ° Рє РІР ° Р¶РЅРµР№С € ем СЌР »РµРјРµРЅС‚Рµ СЃС З Р ° стья: мужсвдйй

Sergey Evelev

writer, TV and radio host


What characterizes an alien in the first place? The fact that he flew in from afar is probably. Another device, of course. The fact that he can know the earthly language and not understand what is said? Exactly.

Photo: Shutterstock

Take, for example, a man, or rather, a man standing in the middle of a huge wardrobe with women's shoes. Does he feel like an alien? Absolutely.

"Why does she need 114 pairs of shoes, where to wear them and why are they all so different?" - buzzes in his head.

Well? And what should he do with all these questions? Right, ask. He calls an alien from a neighboring closet and asks her questions. And even if he was lucky, she did not wave it off (since it is useless to explain) and still pronounced the words corresponding to the moment, he still did not understand anything. Why? Because the planets are different, the device does not match, the reference points from different galaxies. And how can someone explain something that does not fit in the words?

For us men, shoes are a device against walking barefoot so that we don't injure our feet. Well, and even in winter - slightly warming the legs. A device to hide leaky socks. Perhaps that's all. If a man comes to the ball in a tailcoat and white sneakers, then, most likely, no one will pay attention to it. At the same time, he will feel good, have fun and, moreover, it will be convenient to move around. A woman, on the other hand, will go crazy and, perhaps, even cry out of despair if she has to put on slippers for an evening dress. Why? Because she knows with one hundred percent probability: there, at the ball, there will not be a single woman, and perhaps even a man ... (although no, men will not notice) who will not discuss this faux pas, and will not speak out, even in sleeve to a friend, on this topic. Variations there are varied: from “crazy” to “memory refuses”, “vision has deteriorated sharply”, “wants to disgrace her husband”, “difficult financial situation in the family” and much more. Therefore, she, a woman, will not go to the ball at all in such a terrible state. She would rather just go naked. True, this will also cause conversations - and then, if everyone else is dressed. Already quite different conversations. But the wrong shoes ... No way, no way!

So, what is shoes for a woman and why does she need 114 pairs?

To be honest, surely a normal woman would like to have a separate large wardrobe (no, a hangar or a separate house is better), where this entire shoe arsenal could be placed. Because for her it is not an object of convenience, salvation or decoration, but in many cases, on the contrary, torture of ... feet. For a woman, shoes are not even an accessory. This is her skin, her face, her friend, I don’t know what else, confidant of secret affairs, a part of the body, without which you cannot go far. In a word, something for which words have not been invented, some feelings, but how can you squeeze them into words?

And so she walks down the street - and suddenly a ball of lightning strikes her right in her heart, since they are standing in the window. It was the ones that she saw in her dream, in which Cinderella ran away from the ball. Beautiful ... mind-blowing, extraordinary, and just right for that cute handbag that she saw in the window 15 minutes ago. But she didn't buy it, realizing that there were no shoes for her.

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Attention, men, do not lose consciousness, hold on, or else there will be, oh-oh-oh-oh ...

Yes, there is a connection between a woman, shoes and a handbag. Not sexy, though ... I'm not completely sure. And only that handbag and no other fits this woman in these shoes.

I know that at this moment we men again became aliens. All. Or some. We hear the words, but the meaning eludes.

"So you mean any other handbag ..?" Yes, yes, that's right. Any other won't do a damn thing.

“How could you even suggest such a thing, are you blind? What am I to you, a cow under the saddle? You don't love me at all, you don't care how I look! Am I that old already? " And so on down the list.

Do not even try to participate in this conversation, it will become more expensive for yourself.

So here. She flies into the store, as if the end of the world is approaching. Quickly measures these shoes. They delightfully come to her and legs, to the dress that is already in the mind, although he is not yet in the closet, not to mention that he is not yet in the store. The price at this moment is unimportant and secondary, since life is short ... and what our years are ...

Then, clutching to her chest a box with her beloved shoes before she lost consciousness, she rushes back for the very handbag, which, while she was walking here and there ... they had already bought. The last one. And here she is, poor thing, in front of the window, all disheveled, and in front of her there is also ... a dilemma. Hand over your shoes and wait until you have a purse, or hold your shoes while waiting? Probably, it would be logical - to hand over. But this is logical for us, aliens. And on their planet it is not only not logical, but also stupid. You can hand over your shoes, then a handbag will appear, but the shoes are gone. Have bought. The last. And you are sitting now, all upset, without that and without the other. All life is broken and there is no sense in it.

Thus, sometimes in a woman's closet, if you go there (which I strongly advise against doing), a lot of lonely shoes waiting for a handbag, as well as a flock of bored handbags in the hope of meeting the right shoes. I'm not even talking about dresses waiting to meet with gloves, and linen - in the hope of meeting someone who is able to notice and appreciate it. Most likely - not a husband. Though…

Photo: Shutterstock

And if the size of the shoes is small, but you can't leave - do you like it so much?

We buy a little one, run home, pour alcohol into the shoe. To the shoe, not to myself. Although it’s also good for yourself. Then we put on thick socks, and, remembering all the mothers with a kind word, we walk around the house. Weep and weare. Here, alcohol will come in handy. Not so painful.

Are they too big? And put cotton on the shoe in your nose? Did you think that cotton wool is just put in? Where where?

And what about the forms, but the buckles, stones, jewelry, feathers, rivets, rivets? Did your heel break? It would be better to start the attack of the enemy, more chances to survive. And now, when there are already 200 pairs of them, you need a special cabinet with a mirror, self-switching light, and spacious enough to walk back and forth in it. No, they are women, not centipedes, but they have legs. And at least two. And multi-shoes - regardless of the number of legs ...

God forbid they would be centipedes. All then, a skiff to us, finances, closets and the globe. One industry would remain - shoe manufacturing. Not. Two industries. The second is psychotherapeutic, to reassure those who could not find 40 pairs of the same or the correct size, or just took it, but while she was walking home slowly, they were out of fashion. And all 40. Steam. Simultaneously.


Still, what are shoes for a woman?

I think that this is a song of the soul, an unfulfilled dream, an endless desire to please myself and, perhaps, someone else, although maybe this is not necessary. Shoes are like the right to go out to people, to the streets. This is a fulcrum without which one cannot turn the world upside down and achieve nothing at all. Each couple is a thought, aspiration, hope, youth, promise, belief that ...

And it’s not at all shoemakers on a conveyor in China that a pair of plastic is boiled down with minimal impregnation of the skin ... and then, if it is impossible to do without it.

This is part of the body, part of life, fresh air, without which you suffocate. And nothing can replace it.

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Therefore, dear male aliens. Do not try to understand, embrace, discuss, condemn, compare, count, apply logic and generally speak on this subject. It is dangerous, in vain, to anything and ... in general it is dangerous ... or have I already talked about this? We will never understand this, yes, maybe it is not necessary. You can’t understand everything. It will be boring. Let us leave this riddle to them, let it be their territory. Without us.

Get out of their closet and go to your room. You can sadly count all 6,5 of your pairs lazily scattered around there ... of which you wear two until you fall to dust. On the way, repair them, and if there is already nothing to repair, then go and stubbornly look for the same. And where is the joy? Joy? Joy happens in the next closet, where you and I are not, and thank God.

And these women's shoes are good for everyone: insanely neat design, the soul put into them by the master, color, smell, thoughts about a future handbag, to marry them born ... They are not good alone. It is impossible to walk in them. Difficult, that is. Although - they are not made for walking. And for beauty. Complete and all-consuming. Here. And beauty, who still remembers, is a terrible force and it always wins. The world ... And everyone in it ... Who did not hide ...

The main thing is to have time to leave her closet in time ...

If you want to talk with me about it - go to my page in facebook.

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