The article has been automatically translated into English by Google Translate from Russian and has not been edited.

'Whining is not an American trait': how New Yorkers surprised Belarus immigrant

'12.08.2019'

Source: news.tut.by

“New Yorkers are so rude! So cold! ”- it is often heard from clients who have recently moved to the city from other states. The subject of the conversation is interesting to me, and I ask clarifying questions, massaging their puffed cheeks: "What exactly do you dislike about the behavior of New Yorkers?"

Фото: Depositphotos

- Well then, they always push everyone on their way! Never hold the door behind you. You smile at the passerby - a squint and an accelerating step in response. And in my city they would smile at me and ask how are you.

Continuing notes on New York, I do not claim to be the truth, but share the feeling of the city where I lived for almost five years, celebrated the 30 anniversary and where I plan to live happily ever after, writes Alisa Ksenevich for the portal tut.by. If you are interested in these observations, if they expand your understanding of Americans and American culture, then neither my time nor your time was wasted.

I have traveled quite a lot in America and understand the nature of their complaints. But I also lived in Belarus, and I can’t get used to rude, dull faces.

Never talk to strangers

First, let me tell you some of the features of American etiquette. This will not be about knife forks, but about the rules for communicating with strangers, which is called small talk (“small talk”, small talk).

So, suppose you are in the waiting room of a medical office with another person. Or watch a baseball game involving your child, standing at the stadium with the rest of the mothers. If you were an American, you would not be silent, looking intently into the distance. And they would smile at a person standing next to them. would look into his eyes and start a conversation:

"Hello? How are you? Oh, I'm fine, thanks. Well, it rained today! Where will you be from? (if you have an emphasis, this question will be one of the first). Been here long? Like it? ”, - and so on.

Of course, not everyone wants to talk while in standby mode. But among Americans, this is considered the rule of good manners — to notice a person nearby, not to ignore him, to show his respect, to talk about this and that.

I confess that when I came to the USA for the first time at the age of 18 years (student exchange program, working in the kitchen in the summer camp), it terribly enraged me. Why should I say to everyone and everyone: “Hi! How are you? ” Why these extra words, extra questions, answers that interest no one?

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And since my friend and I were in this matter in solidarity, we greeted the rest of the employees once a day - in the morning, and not every time, intersecting with them in the dining room, near the dining room, in the shower room, laundry room and so on ... This was perceived by the Americans as rude and arrogance. How is it that they didn’t nod their greetings, didn’t smile, didn’t say: “Hi! How are you? ”

We, the girls from Belarus, began to be treated coldly, with a mockery, some insulting jokes started against us ... However, the American counselors were not much older than us, so it would be naive to wait from them to understand the nuances of the Slavic mentality.

In general, we began to spread rot, and my friend and I developed a new strategy - we began to work out contemptuous views on American counselors. Tanya taught me to look at offenders destructively, arrogantly, looking them directly in the eye. I tried hard. Probably, the Americans will forever remember the girls who silently serve breakfast with murderous coldness in their eyes and fastidiously pursed lips. Needless to say, we only aggravated our situation, and at the end of the shift the only one who spoke to us from among American employees was the son of a priest.

One of the last days, he persuaded the other counselors to work for us in the kitchen, completely relieving us of the duties of cooking and washing dishes - I don’t know how he succeeded and why they agreed, but, observing their diligent and awkward movements in the kitchen, somehow ashamed of all this "cold war" unleashed by us.

Фото: Depositphotos

Taut smiles

They say about Russians that they, like coconut, are hard on the outside and soft on the inside, and Americans, like cherries, are soft on the outside, but inside is a hard bone. New Yorkers - somewhere in the middle. Therefore, I am probably so comfortable here.

After all, what irritates us so much in Americans? Their deliberate optimism. White-toothed smiles, scattered right and left. Energy. Immodesty. Narrow horizons. Active life position.

Whether business is we. With our historical memory. With our spirituality. With our anguish, the ability to get out, survive, save, save, give the last. We will not answer “Great!” To the question of how our affairs are going, even if they are really doing well. Why bring envy? We will not praise ourselves, ascribing that which is not, this is narcissism. And if they give us a compliment, we’ll hurry to assure the one who made it that “the skirt is actually worth a penny, but the thread has come up here”, and “that you, who have lost weight there, are as if into yourself.”

Whining is not an American trait at all. Sometimes I forget it and start complaining about something I know here. That I’ve been working for 10 − 11 hours a day for seven weeks a day for seven weeks now, because I am saving up for a trip. That the client lifted all my nerves. What is soon to pass the research work at the university, but it is not written at all, since it is very difficult for me to navigate the American standards for writing scientific papers. I jerk myself when I notice: Americans don’t give me assent (as our people would do), don’t shake their heads sympathetically, they say I have the same nonsense, and politely, soberly say: “Sorry about that” (“I'm sorry”) or “Hang in there.”

This, of course, does not mean that Americans do not have problems, difficult emotional experiences, spleen and bad mood. It's just that in their culture it’s not customary to show it on the face. Who wants to deal with an unstable, sad, depressed, grouchy person? They are reaching for confident and happy. The Americans have developed the habit of smiling and radiating optimism, and there is only one person in whose presence they allow themselves to whine and stick up - a psychologist. Well, and maybe a loved one.

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After living in America for five years, I came to the conclusion that I personally am more pleasant to be among the friendly people. A smile and high spirits are an important component of good service, and since I myself work in this area, I try to smile and radiate love of life, even if cats scratch my soul. And if I go to a store or medical clinic, I will count on the same warm welcome.

If you watch children and students, then in any country - whether Belarus, America - you can see a lot of smiles, energy, enthusiasm. And then an adult life happens to us: loans, divorces, inflation, cellulite ... We forget what it is to fool around, dance, play charades. For some reason, all the good is associated only with youth, a carefree time, although is there really so little concern for young people?

There is another very important point - expectations from life. In America, where almost 80 years have passed since the Great Depression, people hope for the best. In Belarus, where the economy has been on the verge of a foul for the last twenty years, they expect the worst. This, of course, leaves its mark on how carefully we express our own joy, how we can not rejoice in the successes of others.

It’s easier to consider someone a freeloader, a spoiler of fate, than to admit that he deserves what he has. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights secured the right to happiness for each of us. I am not ashamed of mine. It just so happened that I am happier in another country, in a different climate, in a different environment. And that is my right.

Фото: Depositphotos

Crazy in the city

New York is full of people acting, to put it mildly, inadequately. They are concentrated in the subway. Once on the subway platform I saw three (!) Clearly insane people standing at a distance from each other. They all spoke to themselves at the same time. Okay, one more, but three? In general, that morning I listened to my intuition and did not wait for the train in such a company, but returned home.

But there are people who are not crazy, but, perhaps, broken by the city, aggressive, embittered, with some kind of painful self-esteem, which, in their opinion, hurts everyone. They can beg in cars, loudly addressing passengers, and they ask for help with a call, and not crushing pity.

Recent situation. Sister is sitting in a subway car. A dark-skinned man comes in with his pants almost down to his knees and begins to ask for a trifle. He begs and begs, most people don’t react at all, having buried in phones. Having caught up with his sister, the man shouts in her face:

- Hey! I appeal to you too!

Sister is silent.

- Hey! How does it feel to be white?

She looks up at him and calmly says:

“I have no money for you.”

- That's better! Answer when they talk to you!

And went on.

A couple of days ago I already became a participant in the conflict in the subway car, and also with an African American. I don’t want to sow racial hostility, especially since my friends include dark-skinned guys, but I cannot but note that I often see African-Americans as aggressive beggars. White is also asking for money. Young, life-beaten wanderers in long-unwashed clothes. The difference is that they do this without hitting and personalizing. Sitting on the sidewalks with dogs and compassionate lettering on cardboard. They ask for alms in the subway, having previously told the story of how they arrived in New York as part of a rock band and were robbed. Why not file.

And now the story. I'm getting back from work tired. To my left sits a guy - God's dandelion, reading a book. On the right is a young Hispanic mother with a small child in a stroller.

A black man of about forty-five comes in. He sits down, puts the speaker on his knees and cuts rap. Yes, it twists the sound to make it louder. I politely address him:

- Sorry, could you make a quieter sound?

Zero reaction.

“Sir, could you make the sound quieter?”

And then he starts yelling at me:

- This is my fucking music, okay ?! I worked seven days without days off, okay ?! This is New York !!! And it’s my right to listen to my fucking music !!!

- I do not mind your music, but you could listen to it with headphones.

- My ears hurt from fucking headphones!

The guy - God's dandelion slams his eyes and is silent. A young mother stands up for me:

- Can't you see, here is a small child!

“But I'm not talking to you at all!” Do you even know the word "sorry"? !! Everyone who doesn't like my music can get out of the car! Nobody holds you!

He still turns off his speaker, but at the next stop, I switch to another car. Keep away from sin.

Well, and another case, especially striking memory. Morning, the train carriage is filled with people. Opposite me, a dark-skinned man (sorry, but you won’t erase words from the song) sits with his legs wide apart.

By the way, the social advertising of the New York subway in an accessible and funny form asks people to observe the rules of decency - do not cut your nails in the car, do not comb your hair, do not stand, lean on a pole, blocking access to other people, and - do not place attention legs sitting on the seat. This is especially true for men who, for some unknown reason, sit en masse with their legs spread, thereby capturing the space of seats nearby. The phenomenon even got the name - manspreading. The official appeal to the metro passengers reads: “Dude ... Stop the spread, please.”

In short, despite the morning rush hour, the man opposite sat with his legs apart, taking up three places, with his whole appearance making it clear that he was not going to change position. Then he began to cut his nails. The sight was not pleasant, so I looked at the young man at the door of the car. An intelligent face, subtle features, wavy hair are combed back, an elegant, well-tailored suit and a carelessly tied scarf ... I admired him, admired how the unexpected happened: the bruiser opposite blew up and knocked the guy out of the train car with a sharp blow in the nose (there was just a stop ), furiously began to pound his feet. Everything happened so quickly that people did not have time to really react. The doors were closed, the train began to move, and I don’t know how it ended. I'm so sorry for that guy, really! And, in truth, I’m not sure that the witnesses stood up for him. The aggressor looked painfully powerful and uncontrollable.

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Фото: Depositphotos

Faster, Faster

The most valuable resource in New York is time. People work a lot here (definitely more than in Europe), have a little rest (on average two weeks a year) and are in a hurry to get everything done - to conclude a deal, to work out in the gym, and to drink with friends and colleagues at the bar after work, and on a date to go and dance in the club in the middle of the week ...

Such a rhythm of life can only be sustained by people with iron health, a healthy appetite for life and a clear commitment to achieving their goals.

New Yorkers hate wasting time and saving resources as they can - they cut the clock out of sleep, cross the road to a red light and in the wrong place and walk very quickly.

Ask any New Yorker what is most annoying for visitors, and he will answer: “The way slow they're walking".

This slowness directly pisses off a New Yorker who is used to getting to his destination by brisk walking with dashes.

Ask any newcomer what annoys him most of all in New Yorkers, and he will answer: "The way they rush headlong forward, touching and pushing passers-by."

Pure truth. Moreover, I myself do this. It’s not that I push, but, sometimes, I’m hurt, trying to sneak past people who do not follow the rules of pedestrian flows. Before sniffing, I always warn the people in front of them with the loud and demanding “Excuse me!” (“Allow me!”), Because they don’t react to the polite and friendly “Excuse me”, it’s checked. To the credit of New Yorkers it will be said that, having hurt a person, they will always apologize, on the go, without changing their paths and without turning around, but nonetheless.

I also realize that not everyone is able to withstand this race ahead of the curve. That there are elderly people with motor skills that someone just wants take a walk along Lexington Avenue, and here are such rocket people ... But I also believe that we energetically fit into certain cities and countries. And if Minsk was too slow and sticky for me, then New York is just that. I do not see myself here in old age. Because - alas - I will stand in the way of a new tribe of young, arrogant, ambitious, nimble, purposeful hedonists. I don’t know yet a way to earn a house in the village. But I look to the future with optimism. What I wish you too!

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