No mystery: psychologists told how to protect yourself from an energy vampire
'11.01.2020'
Source: Life hacker
Some people ruin the lives of others for fun and profit. How not to fall into their trap, tells Lifehacker.
Who is an energy vampire
Modern vampires have nothing to do with mysticism. This is a characteristic of people who are trying to use your emotions for their personal good. Their methods are well thought out, and therefore an energy vampire is not so easy to spot.
The most charming person who gives you positive emotions can pick them up handsomely.
Rational advice is most often not perceived by such people. They constantly criticize everything, devalue our achievements, and do not respect other people's borders.
How to recognize an energy vampire
There are several signs by which an energy vampire can be recognized in advance. Do not give up friendship with a person if you notice in his behavior one item from this list. But if more than three points coincide, then this is an occasion to beware and take a closer look at a friend.
1. Seeks pity
One of the clear signs and a dangerous trap. We easily get into the networks of the energy vampire when we render him a service. He always has something to regret.
After the act of mercy, we feel like heroes, savior, we feel a surge of pride. For these positive emotions, we do not notice how we began to pay too much attention to this person. His complaints began to cross all reasonable boundaries, and the demands for pity became ever more insistent and dangerous.
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2. Considers everyone around to blame for their troubles
Vampires are always surrounded by continuous villains: a cruel mother, a grumpy wife, a mercantile lover, stupid children and a tyrant boss. These people are all to blame for their troubles, except for themselves.
Any inaccurate word, and you already become an enemy. The vampire constantly creates guilty feelings among friends and interlocutors. If you feel guilty only from the memories of a person, then you are a vampire.
“A social contract is an exchange of resources between people. When a person revels in self-pity instead of asking for a raise or quitting, they want to be listened to. Such interaction can be convenient for both parties, ”says Elizaveta Efremova, psychologist, expert of the Russian School of Management on personal effectiveness.
3. Provokes quarrels and fights
Negative attention is also attention. The energy vampire enjoys using this rule in life. To provoke quarrels, to be emotionally offended, to wave fists at the slightest occasion is about him.
4. Likes to weave intrigue
Gossip and quarrels in any team bring special pleasure to the vampire. Rubbing himself into trust in everyone, he subtly feels weaknesses and pulls the strings so that the maximum number of people quarrels on the most dramatic occasions.
By manipulating the insult of some and seeking pity from others, the vampire is able to spoil relations even in friendly company.
5. Beats at the most unexpected moment.
The exchange of energy does not occur instantly: the energy vampire is fueled by it during complaints, attention, quarrels, which are skillfully directed. But there are situations that will help such a person get enough of his sense of superiority for a long time. The less you wait for the catch, the stronger your frustration and energy metabolism will be.
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6. Goes to extremes
An indirect sign by which it is easy to recognize an energy vampire: he is prone to extremes. Such people engage in extreme sports, get married on the second day after meeting and break off ties with loved ones after a tiny quarrel, because they lack their own emotions.
How to protect yourself from an energy vampire
The first step is to recognize it. There are some more tips that will not save you from virtuoso vampirism, but will save your nerves and strength, even if you’ve already caught:
- Learn to say no. Gently refuse to do what you do not like after the first request, which is difficult for you to fulfill.
- Defend the borders. You are an adult held person. No one can tell you that you did something wrong or that you have a bad character.
- Track vivid emotional flashes. Even joyful. In the first stages, vampires feed you with positive impressions so that you become attached. So they shake your emotional swing.
- Do not believe the gossip. Well-concocted rumors sound quite believable, but think about why the person is telling you all this and how he will benefit from your quarrel with the object of gossip.
- Rely only on yourself. Getting help and support from loved ones is priceless. But it’s always worth having a backup plan in case a friend is not the one he pretended to be.
Did you recognize someone from your environment? Have you encountered energy vampires?
