Nervous breakdowns, endless fatigue and other problems of people who grew up in 1990
'30.05.2021'
Source: lady.mail.ru
Why don't the “1990's children” know how to relax, work until nervous breakdowns and cannot cope with painful perfectionism? And most importantly, where does the children's series? The workaholic coach Olga Polishchuk tells why this generation managed to burn out by the 30 years.
When did you first hear the phrase “The best vacation is a change of activity”? Did you go to school then? And how did this happen: they refused to do their homework, were too lazy to clean the room, wanted to see "Xena - the warrior queen"? The installation about the fact that every minute of our lives we must do something that brings tangible benefits, and “rest in the next world” - has settled in many of us from school, writes lady.mail.ru with reference to Forbes.
The people who influenced the 30 year-olds are most likely now from 50 to 70. In adulthood, they experienced the 1990, where functions and the usual professional lifestyle were devalued, and the era of a competitive economy began abruptly. Where “fast” and “on time” have become synonymous with success and well-being. You definitely heard stories from your parents about how a teacher became a saleswoman in a stall, an employee of a research institute brought the first computers to Russia for sale, an engineer was an engineer without prospects and production. For this reason, our minds often have attitudes: “Learn and work, otherwise you will become a janitor” and “Be patient Cossack - you will be an ataman”. Someone dad pronounced them with grief and disappointment, and someone - being pleased with himself. But no matter how your parents’s 1990 happens, there is a constant longing for lost time, because “you need to do everything at the right time and in the right place”, you have it. And it is she who does not relax.
Rest in our minds is always a great form, fundamental.
When we, adults, try to pass the test with a “sofa”, that is, 15 to lie down for minutes without doing anything, even without looking at the phone, we simply cannot do this. An alarm is raised about time lost.
Most people associate weekends and vacations with the word “rest”, but in no way 10 minutes to reboot or half an hour of time for themselves. Rest in our minds is always a great form, fundamental. For example, 118 days off and holidays (the average number in Russia per year), spread out throughout the year, look invisible to potential vacationers. And 3,5 of a month of rest would sound better - this is a whole trip to Latin America, but two days - “well,” - go to the hypermarket, finish the presentation on Tuesday, go to a brunch with friends.
The client’s request “I don’t have enough energy” is the second most frequent practice for any coach, general practitioner or body specialist.
By the way, generation Y (that is, born from 1981 to 1990 year) is the most traveling. Affected, of course, is the accessibility of transport and the presence of formal borders in the world (Z believes that there are no borders in the world. But if you ask the 30-year-old how he imagines rest, the top 5 answers will include travel. 1500 km to It’s hardly possible to call the road for a week in three European countries rest.
Many people do not even consider the options for rest on 10, 15, 30 minutes during the working day. Although the client’s request “I don’t have enough energy” is the second most frequent practice of any coach, general practitioner or body specialist. People are looking for energy in something special, external or in large forms - retreats in beautiful places, vipassana, 2-week trembling on the beach from every thought about lost time, extreme sports. But 10 minutes for coffee with a phone in airplane mode or 15-minute walk between meetings in their schedule for every day is not.
We remember about the rest when the forces are running out, spending almost everything with an internal credit card. The body gives the first signals - the back hurts, shoulders are pulled, knees are aching. But it is usually ignored - it will hurt and stop. Then comes forgetfulness - keys, file checks, meeting times or their places. This already infuriates more, but usually no one analyzes the reasons. We ignore the signals, believing that if you make a little more effort, clenching your teeth, you will be able to finish the job to walk boldly.
This logic has one drawback: when we are tired, we work more slowly, spending titanic efforts on concentration. It's a bit like downloading a series of a single stick 3G series. This can also be done, of course, but there will be more pain than pleasure. Trying to save time, in fact, people stretch their work. And the chances of making a mistake increase at times.
On the subject: 13 medical reasons you constantly feel tired
Both hardworking workaholics and hedonistic perfectionists save on themselves. Because the result is the most important thing when we are in the logic of the accomplisher. The first things that people refuse are sports, regular food, sleep, social connections, entertainment of all stripes and time for themselves. Everything that distracts attention from the result is discarded like ballast. But to achieve the result, energy is needed, and it needs to be replenished, like charging the phone. If you discarded all the sources that gave a little bit of energy, then you start working on the backup engine. When it ends, burnout begins, the most terrible consequence of which is a decrease in self-esteem.
“Previously, I could give 16 hours to the process without interruption, and 5 meetings at the same time, but now I can’t do anything and I don’t want anything, and no one will do projects for me,” the result-oriented person says. He is surprised, disappointed and still frustrated because he relies on his past experience, tactics that he never failed, on a set of technical skills that he was proud of, and does not attach importance to another component of efficiency - state.
Trying to save time, in fact, people stretch their work.
State is the point from which we make decisions. But a blind spot for many effective managers. To the question: “How are you?” - 5 from 10 will answer mechanically: “Normal.” But in order to understand what motives we are guided by when making a decision, we need to notice our condition. But for this you need a short pause and stop. The mind in a relaxed mode is ready for creativity, sees more opportunities, does not perceive what has been said in a negative light. A relaxed body does not transmit a signal of danger, pinching all emotions. Head and body are interconnected - and it is enough to straighten your shoulders to stop looking for a catch in the words of the interlocutor.
Tracking your condition is the same skill as coming to meetings on time, or giving feedback, starting with what was good. Somehow we learned this, which means we can also ask ourselves the question “How am I?” Regular rest in the schedule helps to develop the skill of tracking the state.
“And if I do not want to rest? It's cool for me to work 24 / 7. For me, work is a pleasure, ”a confident manager tells me with the intonation of a collision, and in half an hour he flips the phone on the table five times. It's great that work is a joy to him. And of course, you can get a lot of energy from what you are doing, but the antagonism on the topic “I want / do not want to relax” is alarming. If rest is perceived as an unpleasant pause in activity and interferes with development, then there are questions to what activity gives to a person? And what will happen if the project drags on? Or will the process cease to be fun? Most likely, the same disappointment will come in the business that you did, but the worst thing is that this manager will go looking for the reasons for the failure in his lack of professionalism.
Regular rest, as a synonym for laziness, is as common in the minds of 30-year-olds as the myth that only tough leadership can be effective. The fear of pressing a pause is often associated with the setting "you can’t stop - otherwise they will bypass the corner." This fear, like any other, is destroyed under the influence of experience. I tried to include rest in the routine of the day - I got this experience. I didn’t try - I stayed in the installation world.
On the subject: What can a woman who is tired of her own life
Even if you already know all this or have read more than one smart book about stress and the balance of work and life, but for some reason there is still no regular rest in your daily schedule. Perhaps you just don’t know how to relax if there are 10, 15 or 30 minutes. Where would you go? What would you do? How much time does it take? It’s easier for the brain working under chronic stress in the energy-saving mode to take what is nearby than to spend the resource on finding options. Therefore, homemade blanks help not to "drain" the rest. You can register 2 — 3 options for each time slot, spending once an hour on this time. And then it’s joyful to use the options from the personal menu than to stick to Instagram stories (the brain chooses this, by the way, because it’s an understandable option).
You can put the rest of the calendar in a different color. And scatter it for a week in a chaotic manner, without any logic. This will help move away from the principle of "Rest should be only when tired."
