Do not look for the ideal: 7 signs of a normal relationship that are worth maintaining
'21.01.2020'
Source: lady.tut.by
Brought up on fairy tales of the beautiful princes, we have been searching for the ideal all our lives. But often our ideas about how to disintegrate when meeting with reality. Can this be avoided? Yes Easy. You just need to understand that the ideal is unattainable, and in real life it’s enough that the relationship is just normal, writes lady.tut.by.
Everyone has their own personal space.
Men often say that in a relationship they need at least a little personal space, while women try to take over their time and thoughts entirely.
But normally, personal space is necessary for everyone - so that the atmosphere does not seem asphyxiating, and relationships do not suppress. If two people are paired, this does not mean that now they should be inseparable 24 hours a day and live on the principle of "we are friends with him, where he is, there I am."
It is good when everyone has the opportunity sometimes to be alone, to meet old friends, to drink with a colleague a glass of wine, to go to the cinema alone. There are couples who can also spend their holidays separately - and for them it will be quite a way in separation to further strengthen relations.
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There is mutual trust in the pair
All of the above normally works only in an atmosphere of mutual trust and understanding, without which healthy relationships are also unthinkable.
The axiom of “jealous - that is, love” today can be considered obsolete, because jealousy is based on the lack of trust, suspicion and manners of the owner. If you do not check the pockets of men's trousers before throwing them into the washing machine, covering with confidence the fear of finding something compromising, and your partner is monitoring your social networks while you sleep, then something has gone wrong.
Views on life in general coincide
The fact that the opposites converge only sounds beautiful, but in practice, people living in a pair should want about the same thing from life. For the most part, this concerns global topics from the series of your attitude to Trump and the answer to the question “Whose Crimea is?”, As well as global personal plans: for example, when to give birth to children and how to raise them. If one considers vaccination to be evil and believes in homeopathy, and the second adheres to the principles of evidence-based medicine - there will be no consent.
However, if one of you is a fan of hiking with tents, bonfires and mosquitoes, and the second will never fall asleep without first taking a hot bath, then this is not a disaster, because you still can’t achieve a perfect match, and different interests are perfectly acceptable.
Everyone makes a roughly equal contribution to the relationship.
“One loves, and the other allows himself to be loved,” they said in one notorious film, implying that this is the norm. And this is often the case: one sacrifices everything, and the second wipes his feet on his partner. For many years it was generally accepted that working on relationships is an exclusively female matter, that it is she who is responsible for "the weather in the house", that she smoothes everything out, adjusts, looks for compromises, and if the family collapsed, it was the woman who could not keep it and was responsible for everything. But in an era of equality, the rules have changed.
To argue that relationships are hard daily work on both sides, it can be overkill (it’s good when everything goes smoothly on its own), but if only one works, then this is even less normal.
Both can talk
“She came up with it, she was offended herself” is another of the very common scenarios of relations. Of course, suppressing problems and believing that a partner has long been obliged to learn to read your thoughts will in no way contribute to normal relations.
One of the most important principles of healthy relationships and the guarantee of a happy life in general is the ability to communicate and negotiate. This applies to everything - from the banal “I was worried about the fact that you were delayed without warning and did not answer calls” to the discussion whether you are planning children, when and how much.
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No one is trying to change anyone
Another common complaint against a partner, regardless of gender, is eternal dissatisfaction with him / her and constant attempts to remake a person for himself. This may concern both the appearance and change of the wardrobe, but more often all the same we are talking about certain personal characteristics. For example, make a person become responsible. Or make him docile.
It has long been known that all attempts to change another are doomed to failure in advance. It’s much easier to just find the one that suits you best - and stop making yourself and your “inappropriate” partner miserable.
A safety atmosphere reigns in pairs
And not only physically, but also emotionally. In our minds, a huge cultural layer is dedicated to the fact that a wife should be afraid of her husband. There are a huge number of jokes, jokes and stories about how a woman scratched a car and now her husband will kill her, how she is afraid to admit that she spent more money than planned, that it’s better to hide the purchase of another dress from harm's way. If there is fear in a relationship, you can't imagine anything worse. The norm here does not smell.
