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Male view: why adultery does not exist and is it worth living together 'for the sake of children'

Sergey Evelev

writer, TV and radio host


Once more about us, about monogamous ...

Photo: Shutterstock

Of all the topics that people talk about, the topic of adultery was and remains, probably, one of the most popular and controversial at the same time. There are a million jokes and anecdotes about this. In any novel there is. In a dramatic play or movie - a must. And she does not pass me by either. That is, people ask. It happens that they are very interested in my point of view. Then, however, having recognized her, many regret that they asked, others, on the contrary, are glad that there is one more who thinks so. Therefore, I decided to illuminate this millennial layer with my little flashlight, so, without special intent, rather, to pay tribute to an important topic.

I think you need to start with the fact that treason, in the way in which we interpret it, does not exist on the family front. She is not there, just as there is no Snegurochka, Karlson, who, due to the compaction of tenants, lives on the roof, and Kashchei the Bessmertny. These are all fantasies invented by people in order to complicate human life. By the way, to complicate things very seriously. It would be good for us to learn, and for a long time already. The topic is complex, they talk about it here and there. But there is no clarity, although everything is simple and should be clear.

There are fish in the ocean, there are pyramids in Egypt, there is a rake for an endless attack on them, and the sky with the sun is there, but Microsoft, the government, trade unions, eternal love and regular betrayal are not. People invented them, but in reality they do not exist and therefore you cannot touch or smell them, like a poppy seed bun, for example. These are all words, treaties, myths, religious or economic. They have been sitting in our heads for a long time and it is difficult to pick them out from there. Nobody is trying.

But back to basics. Any female in the animal-bird-fish world has the number of males that nature prescribed for her. With males - the same story. Romantic nonsense about love to the grave or about swans that sail once and for all are nothing more than nonsense. It has long been found out that at least one chick among all those born in this pair is from another father. At least one ...

We, for those who have forgotten, also hatched from some kind of animal. So those who believe that we are the result of a great interplanetary experiment and are descended from aliens can skip this argument.

So. We separate the seeds from the chaff. We live in pairs, because that's how we came up with it. Who! Nature and people. People are bigger. A couple was needed for a moment in order to conceive a child and continue the family. Everything else was already being formed and conjectured along the way. Some Neanderthal Cro-Magnon fathers recognized their cubs, others did not. And, by the way, they did the right thing. It was not clear with this female who managed to mate while you were hunting for bison and mammoths there. Therefore, recognizing the child, without having any confirmation that he is yours, did not make much sense. Moreover, there was no paternity test yet. And they mated to everyone's joy with everyone. There were no betrayals, courts, broken families and idiocy adjacent to this.

On the subject: Male look: why do we make lovers and does marriage need a second chance

One can talk about this for a long time, but thousands of volumes have already been written and no less theses have been defended. So let's leave her alone.

Thinking about what it means to change? We look in dictionaries:

  • exchange, exchange;
  • replace, replace, replace;
  • transform, modify;
  • exchange.

That is, if the relationship with your partner is fed up with you (without any why, there is an answer, and it is - because ...), changed, that is (which can happen on the third day or the third year), then you want (and this again natural phenomenon) change, replace them with others. Party politics, the foundations of the village, the manifesto of the nearest synagogue or church, and strict upbringing in the family have nothing to do with it. You cannot transform or modify them, because you do not know how. The betrayal happened when you wanted something new (and not at all when you were intimate with a new lady). It happened again because here, at home, in the family, with a partner, something changed, rotted, decayed, disappeared and became not as sharp-new-exciting-interesting-attractive as it was, although they thought that nirvana would be forever ... From the bad news: there is no cure, although family therapists are spread across the earth and treat the untreated. God bless them. Although a lot of money - too.

And the natural question is right there: what does this have to do with an intimate relationship with an extramarital partner for someone who is married? Right. Direct. Any animal, including us, wanted something new, fresh as a lion, an eagle. And all because we (do not faint from surprise, please) are the same animals that have come up with more rules and laws to distort our own existence than other animals. But the invented rules, the ability to walk on two legs, the invention of sewers and the wearing of pants and shoes did not turn us into computers. We are inside the same animals as we were BEFORE these rules. We composed everything ourselves, forgetting for a second that we decided to compete ... with Mother Nature. It was she, despite the stupidity, such as husband-wife, groom-bride, betrothed-mummers and other nonsense, decided long ago and forever that people, we, that is, polygamous creatures. For those who fell from Jupiter yesterday, let me explain. Both men and women can and should sort out a lot of partners for:

  • studying oneself (generally a dark alley for many),
  • understand what happens
  • learn how to use the given tools,
  • and along the way to think: DO THEY NEED TO hand over themselves to one partner, deceiving him on the wedding day many times.

We list what was promised to each other in front of witnesses on this significant day for the couple: to love, undead, groom, cherish, not look at others, not sleep with them, not want and not love them ... And with this chosen one, on the contrary, in joy and in trouble , no matter what happens ... until the last breath, until the villainess does not part death ...

Have you noticed? And I noticed. Everything is a lie.

Nobody can promise this for several reasons. This cannot be and will not be (exceptions are not counted). This is contrary to all natural laws and attitudes. And since you cannot promise that you will not leave your completely paralyzed husband or wife (once you promised at the altar, then you will live with him the remaining 70 years in agony and endless nightmare, like a damned one), then don’t do it. And we are lying. And that's all. And we promise. And, naturally, most of us cannot keep this promise. Not all. But most. How is it known? Look around. Read the question. So what? And nothing. Out of 10 weddings - 6 divorces. The remaining 4 remain to survive, based on the mass of all kinds of delusions and motives.

  • And yet - too lazy to get divorced.
  • And yet - what if I'm left alone?
  • And yet - ashamed.
  • And yet - it is more profitable for two.
  • Well, the king of all arguments - it's better for children!

All of them are a manifestation of delirium tremens and quiet insanity, since they do not reflect the situation in any way, and force people to live in lies (and the most terrible of all: deceiving SELF), trying to curb their normal human natural instincts, which is either completely impossible or almost impossible, but in any case - always harmful. Psychiatrists and even some psychologists sometimes begin to talk about this with caution. But since this goes across the “main party line” of improving the mental health of the population (before the whole world is on pills for nirvana and lying to ourselves), spitting against the wind remains the lot of the strong and desperate.

And then, tired of holding back their boiling emotions, everyone pounces on me with a control question of the task - so what to do? By the way, this is a good and timely question, since most of humanity living in pairs (based on what they tell the same psychiatrists, coming for a prescription for a new oblivion) ​​scoff at themselves, at each other and raise children in mentally unhealthy atmosphere, instilling in them latently the same fantasies about love, fidelity and betrayal, on which they were brought up. A society that has been brainwashed and handed a flag that guides it away from the road, none of my scripts will be accepted. Therefore, I do not even try to voice them.

What is important to understand or at least try: every man or woman in life should (all claims to mother nature) and may like other partners. What does it mean? This means that looking at another person, sniffing him, trying on, hearing his speech, we can experience different normal human states and desires too. Should we hide them or ignore them today or tomorrow and always, since he promised himself already one, or one? This is the decision of each of us. But, judging by what is happening, we have already decided everything a long time ago. And we mate periodically with these, then with those. No matter what the newspapers say. No matter what we promise each other. And both women and men do it. It has always been and will be. The question is not that. Isn't it time to make some changes in the legislation and in what we promise each other when we converge?

On the subject: There is a matter, but no words: why in the XNUMXst century it is still indecent to say 'about it'

And whether we are able to fulfill this, promised, - here, I think, the main dog is buried. You need to dig it out and understand what is happening well. Probably, it is high time to arrange the rules and laws based on human characteristics and needs, and not try to squeeze us into those frameworks in which we have not been able to fit for the last 50 or more thousand years. And because of this - a thousand troubles. And insults, and scandals, and divorces, and fights, and murders, and depression, and insanity, and unhappy children as a result of the above activities - too.

I think it's time to get serious about this. True, without divorce, a group of thousands of lawyers who are persistent in this and, as a rule, rip off stupid divorces like sticky, will be left idle. But we shouldn't worry about them. Let's think about ourselves better, since there is no one else to think and worry about us except ourselves.

I personally think so. And how are you?

If you want to talk with me about it - go to my page in facebook.

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