“My 13-year-old son killed my daughter, but I still love him”: confession of a sociopath's mother
'26.05.2021'
Source: with the BBC
Can a mother's love be so unconditional to endure the most terrible test - the murder of one child of another? When 13-year-old son Charity Lee brutally murdered his four-year-old sister, the family's life changed forever. Except for one thing: she was still his mother and continued to love him.
When Charity Lee herself was six years old, her mother shot her father in their home in Texas. She was later acquitted, tells Air force. As a teenager, Charity studied well and played sports, but suffered from mental health problems and subsequently began to use drugs.
At 18, she asked for help, was able to quit drugs and went to university, where she began to study human ecology - a science that explores human interaction with the environment.
“From the moment I can remember, I have always been fascinated by why people do what they do,” says Charity. "I like to figure out what makes us behave in a certain way."
In the future, this became not only a subject of scientific interest for Charity, but also a part of everyday life. The reason is her son Paris.
"Sociopathic child, no doubt about that."
When Paris was thirteen years old, he slaughtered his four-year-old sister Ella. He spent 11 years in prison and may not be released until he is fifty.
How can parents cope with the consequences of such a tragedy? How can a mother recognize that her child is a sociopath? And how does unconditional love continue to live, even in such a terrible situation?
Difficult start for Charity
Formally, Charity was doing well in college. But it was still difficult for her to give up drugs. Charity explains: “I felt insignificant. Everybody repeated - if you get rid of addiction, your life will become much easier. But this did not happen. Because the pain that I drowned out with drugs, without them appeared on the surface ”.
After a year of refusing drugs, Charity was still unhappy. She gave herself three months to change something.
“I know this is a teenage way of thinking, but I made up my mind that if I’m unhappy, I don’t want to live my life anymore.”
But soon Charity realized that she was pregnant, and “that changed everything”.
'I don't think I ever loved anyone so much'
Charity named her child after the ancient Greek hero - Paris. Her emotional state after the birth of her son did not immediately become ideal. But the desire to be a mother motivated Charity to change her life for the better, primarily for her son.
Nine years later, she became pregnant again. This time Charity became the mother of a girl - Ella.
Ella, like Paris, was a very good child. Although the characters of the children were completely different. Paris was a shy introvert, while Ella is a typical extrovert, headstrong and determined.
The children got along well with each other. “It seemed that Paris really loved Ella very much. And Ella adored Paris, ”says Charity.
“No cause for concern”
Charity confidently asserts that Paris did not cause her anxiety.
“He was a pretty quiet kid the whole time. I cannot say that something worried me. Yes, there were things that I now understand that could be signs of future upset. But then I thought - it's just a little boy, anything can happen. "
In the life of Charity herself everything was not easy. She could not completely give up drugs. When Paris was twelve, and Ella was three years old, she again fell into cocaine addiction. For half a year.
“It was a really difficult period. I cannot say that I did not care for my children at all. But, of course, I had problems, and I paid much less attention to them. Paris at that time took responsibility and looked after Ella himself. "
Charity says that she fulfilled all the responsibilities of a mother, but it was difficult for her son to understand that parents are ordinary people who make mistakes. And if her daughter wanted to hug and calm her mother, then Paris was very, very angry with Charity.
Tough times
It seemed that the children were in perfect order. But on the farm, Mother Charity had an incident that showed Paris on the other side.
Elis and Paris played with a neighbor girl and quarreled with her.
While Charity tried to reassure the girls, Paris grabbed a knife in the kitchen and ran off somewhere. When Charity found him, the child was agitated and angry, he roared and brandished a knife. His reaction to the altercation was completely abnormal. He said he would hurt himself if Charity got closer.
Paris stayed in the hospital for a week, but not a single doctor said that something was wrong with him. Charity took her son home.
“Many people will say that this was a sign that Paris was violent. But then I saw this situation differently. I knew that Paris was upset about my breakdown and what was happening in our family, ”recalls Charity.
Soon Charity completely stopped using drugs and returned to normal life. It was 2005 year.
2 February 2007 year
“I won't lie, that weekend was difficult,” admits Charity. At that time, she returned to her studies and at the same time worked as a waitress. The atmosphere at home was tense. But it's common for teenagers to be unhappy with their parents.
Charity remembers how she said goodbye to the children that day when the nanny came.
“Ella was a confident child with no signs of anxiety. But on this day she repeated: "One more hug, mother, one more kiss." She said it so many times that I had to be late and late for work, ”recalls Charity.
Charity also hugged Paris goodbye and said, “You know that I love you. We have gone through much more difficult things, and we will go through that. ”
Charity went to work.
“After midnight, when we were already closing the restaurant, the police knocked on our door:“ Charity, we need to talk to you. Your daughter is injured, ”says Charity.
Her first thought was to go to her daughter. She kept repeating, “Where is my daughter? You must let me see her! ”
At first, the police said that Ella was home, but Charity could not understand why they did not send her to the hospital if she was injured.
Then one of the officers said that Ella was dead. “It was for me in many ways the end of life as I knew it before,” recalls Charity. She passed out for a while. Recovering herself, she asked where Paris was and if everything was all right with him.
“Yes, he's fine. We have it, ”the officer replied.
“What does this mean?” Asked Charity.
“Paris is one of the people who killed Ella,” the policeman said.
“Then everything completely lost its meaning,” Charity recalls.
How was this day?
Paris convinced the nanny to leave before Charity returned home.
He went to Ella’s bedroom, hit her, grabbed her neck and stabbed 17 with a kitchen knife. After that, Paris called a friend with whom he spoke for six minutes. After talking to a friend, he dialed 911.
Specialists on the phone explained to Paris how to make a sister artificial respiration. Paris told them he tried to do it. But later medical evidence showed that there was no attempt to bring Ella back to life.
“When I found out that Ella was dead, it was like I was smashed to smithereens into a million pieces. But when I discovered that Paris had done it, I felt as if someone had collected these pieces and smashed them to smithereens. I didn't think I could put it all back together. I just wanted to die. But I couldn't. I had Paris, ”Charity recalls.
"What are you going to do now?"
The next day Charity went to the police to see Paris: “At first I could not pull myself together. But when I was finally allowed to see him, I felt happy that I saw my son. I cried, tried to hug him and make sure everything was okay. But suddenly I realized that he was not hugging me back.
He looked at me and asked what I would do now. He said, "You always said that if someone harms your children, you kill them - what are you going to do now?" He didn't ask, he challenged me. This was the first time I saw something new in him. I knew he was angry, but it wasn't angry. It was his dark side. ”
Unconditional love
He told the cops that as soon as the nurse left, they went to bed. But he woke up and saw that Ella had become a demon in the fire. According to Paris, he grabbed a knife and tried to kill the demon.
For the first three months, Charity really wanted to believe that her son was seriously ill:
“I looked at him and said:“ I promise you the same thing that I promised on your birthday - I will do everything to be your mother and I will love you no matter what ”.
"I wanted Paris to know that my love is unconditional."
For a long time, Paris did not react to the words of his mother.
Learn the real Paris
His behavior changed after his arrest. He became much more rude. During the investigation, the history of his search queries on the Internet and the horrible details of how he killed Ella became known.
In 2007, Paris received 40 years in prison for murder. Charity was forced to admit: this is not an accidental set of circumstances and not the result of a temporary psychosis. Paris wanted to kill his sister.
Charity has come a long way from thinking "oh god who is this kid ?!" to the realization that this is really her son. She lost 15 kilograms in 13 days, began to stutter, felt complete devastation.
Charity recalls one of her conversations with her son: “I told him that I want to understand him and help. But instead of talking, he looked at me and started laughing. He said, “You know, Mom, you were all just stupid. All these years you thought I was smart, cute and artistic ... You were wrong. " It was no longer my Paris. ”
Why is Charity still visiting Paris?
Many friends said they could not understand why she still wants to see her son.
“These nine months from the murder of Ella to the verdict of Paris were the most terrifying of my life, and I hope I never experience anything like it. But I will never, never stop loving my son. ”
At the same time Charity began to be afraid of Paris. During the investigation it turned out that he wanted to kill not only his sister, but also his mother.
Public condemnation
Charity not only faced her son's cruelty. After the murder of her daughter, she came under serious pressure from society - when the child did something terrible, the parents are always blamed for it.
She still cannot forget the day when a stranger stopped her at the supermarket with the words: “Are you the woman who raised the son who killed his sister ?!”. Many friends and acquaintances accused her, including using gross insults.
Does Charity blame itself for what happened? Yes and no.
“I know my breakdown was one of the reasons for Paris's anger. And a lot of what has shaped his personality is genetics. But I still believe that he could have made a different choice. He did not suffer from schizophrenia or some other serious mental illness that leaves the person no choice, ”she says.
Empty box
A sociopath is a term that describes a person with an extreme degree of antisocial personality disorder. Genetics and childhood trauma can make a child a sociopath.
Sociopath is Charity's son's diagnosis, and it took her three years to admit it. Sociopaths often disregard social norms and rules. Moreover, he is physiologically incapable of feeling remorse. If at the same time a person suffers from narcissism, then this aggravates the situation and makes him virtually unbearable for society.
Paris says, “You know, Mom, I know there must be a box inside me that I can open, and all the guilt, remorse, and anxiety about what I did to Ella will be there. But when I open this drawer, it is not there. "
How does it feel to be a sociopath's mother?
“I cannot say that I fully accepted the fact that my son is a sociopath, but I stopped fighting this concept. I focus more on who I am. I didn't raise my son as a sociopath. It happened. And I'm not going to turn away from him, ”says Charity.
Speaking of Paris, she uses the predator analogy: “If I'm a surfer on a board and a shark bites off my leg, it hurts and my life will never be the same. But I won't hate a shark for the rest of my life for being a shark. ”
Rise from the ashes
Charity founded a charitable organization and named it after her daughter ELLA (Empathy, Love, Lessons and Action - sympathy, love, lessons and action).
The Foundation helps victims of serious crimes and those suffering from mental illness.
In 2013, six years after Ella's murder, she had another child. She named him Phoenix - because Phoenix is reborn from the ashes.
“What happened to Paris, Ella and me does not completely define me. Now I have Phoenix and I love life again, ”says Charity.
Paris is twenty-eight and is still in prison. His term of imprisonment will expire only in 2047. Charity continues to visit him in prison, but fears his release. Primarily because of the safety of the Phoenix.
