Opinion: why we break the lives of our children and how to stop it
'19.08.2019'
About one hundred and fifty years have passed since Turgenev wrote Fathers and Sons. And even before that, for sure, this topic was as acute as it is today. It seems that she will always be with us.
Why is the theme of fathers and children so relevant?
Our parents built their lives based on the teachings taught by their parents, school, newspapers, country of residence, that is, together, the brainwashing system of that time. Therefore, the parents tried to drive us, their children, into this bridle. Although once they themselves objected (could not help but object) to outdated rules, habits and a million other nonsense, which their parents put on like someone else's, leaky, long out of fashion hat. And the grandmothers and grandfathers (who raised their parents) just pranced around, whipping up and urging them on: “Don't run, don't be a fool, study, work, keep your thoughts to yourself, don't be impudent, don't be afraid, don't delay marriage, you will stay girls ... ”. And a thousand more idiotic postulates, like a cold sour borscht, poured out first on their (and then on our) fragile heads.
Or maybe they - the parents - took revenge on us for their suffering?
Or another idea. What if any parents unknowingly try to live life again - through children? Although, probably, it would be wiser to try something new a second time and not step on the same rake stubbornly and many times in a row. And now our own children are on strike, they do not want to do what we advise them, recommend, suggest, inspire. We get angry, lose patience, swear with each other (dads and moms), after all, we need to take out the accumulating irritation on someone, and then she / he happened to be at hand ...
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But no matter how hard we tried and resisted, no matter how we hold them back, like impatient horses beating with their hooves in the stall, they will still grow (or have already grown) and break free from our care. Very often this means that the children will run away from us at the first opportunity to live separately. And finally, perhaps for the first time in my life, do everything according to your own rules. Smart, stupid, strange, even if stupid from a parental point of view, but their own. Invented by them for themselves, not for us. And they will give up that hated football (although there are exceptions), violin or engineering work - and they will do what they have always dreamed of, but we did not know. They didn’t know because they didn’t speak, although perhaps they themselves weren’t sure.
And the engineer suddenly becomes a cook, and the violinist becomes an auto mechanic. The physics teacher will sing, and the skater will be a flight attendant. Every person has a dream. The only problem is that she, born in childhood, is very often buried under a thick layer of dust, debris, admonitions, admonitions, rules and directions of movement that we, children, have given them. Willingly or unwillingly. In any case, we did it: there was no one else. Where are we going? For the most part, to the same orbit where our own parents launched us.
So we turn around, often not understanding where we are, why, and how we got there.
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Children grow up, we get older and, unlike the rails, which, although parallel, but always close, diverge in different directions. Now this is becoming especially noticeable. A technological breakthrough that, in one generation, stepped from the dinosaurs of my generation to our children living on the Internet and with computers / phones in their heads. They don't call each other, they just write messages. And they don't go anywhere without checking what is there and how: they google it and then decide. They will not work in one place for forty years to retire with dignity. They will not only have to change their job many times, but also their profession. Moreover, they will work in specialties that have not even been invented yet. They are just about, on the tip of a needle, or rather, a tongue (more precisely, a brain), spinning and will soon acquire meaning and purpose (this is me about specialties).
What can we do, trying to continue the Turgenev line, but with new features? Bonding soul and heart, give children the opportunity to fall and stand themselves. Let them cones and learn from their mistakes. This, although painful, is very helpful. It turned out with us or not, it does not matter. There is no need to take revenge on our children or punish them for our failures. They did not even ask us to give birth to them. All these are our plans, ideas, dreams, hopes.
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Let them go to the world with a trembling voice, and in his knees too. Where are you going? Sooner or later, whether we like it or not, it will happen anyway. Let's start preparing for this early, to somehow get used to the idea that the umbilical cord is cut and they are free. And that they will live in a completely different way (most likely), and they will do stupid things. that's good, although bad too, of course ... But still good.
And what else do we have a reasonable way out of the situation? Time is running out. The memory is erased. But the stubborn desire to make them like us remains. Here is a stupid idea! Where did she just come from? I can’t do it. There’s some kind of mysticism. At least start believing in miracles, and that’s it.
