Between smart and beautiful: why we get imperfect partners
'15.12.2020'
Today I was shocked with an unexpected question. For reference, I call unexpected something that I have not thought about. I was asked why we are given such an unexpected set (naturally, the questioner meant himself): smart - evil, stupid - beautiful, educated - boring, kind - unhappy ...
I thought about it.
Surely, it is not for nothing and most likely not by chance. I am sure that the same set happens to men. A clever - lazy, broad-shouldered giant - a complete fool, a genius - a rare nerd, hardworking - a simpleton ...
So why?
Everyone comes into this world equipped with a set of different things. And the one who is smart and lazy, for example, - he can also be a good father, and a talented woodcarver ... As an option. Or, conversely, a smart and lazy person may turn out to be a serial killer, portraying a quiet and not particularly interested in anything. We have already seen this.
And so - in everyone. We pay attention only to some character traits. Those that are especially noticeable to us, that is, we like or, on the contrary, really dislike. We see white and black well, and shades often slip away, as they are less noticeable.
Remember. First love. What was he like? Tall, handsome, smart? What else? Remember? .. And if you are unlucky (this is most often the case), then you married him. And then what was revealed? That he is a liar, absolutely unreliable, lazy, shameless, bad husband-father ... and so on. And then questions arise:
Was he like this before he got married?
Did he become that way after he got married?
Or did you just not see the “complete set”, but noticed only some of its features / characteristics, and simply did not pay attention to the rest?
On the subject: Point of view: what we should learn from lazy people
The answers can be very different, including, by the way, the one in which some of the signs in him for the time being sat quietly, did not protrude. And when they found themselves in a new situation (for example, he was free, single, and now married), they all jumped out. So we wonder, where did they come from? It seems that they did not exist ...
It was. Everything was inside. It just seemed out of place, out of time, unnecessary, not mandatory. And then it showed itself. Remember the joke about the boy who for the first seven years did not speak, no matter what they did to him. And suddenly one day at dinner he opened his mouth and said: "The soup is too salty." Everyone fell to the floor, as these were the first words in his life. They asked why he had been silent before? To which he replied: “Why talk, everything was fine”.
So it is with us. A change of scenery. The arrival of new objects-stimuli leads to a change in behavior. That is, it turns out that it is we who cause in people certain reactions ON US. Not in general, but specifically to us, they react that way. They behave differently with others. Look at how this same man behaves with his friends, girlfriends, work colleagues. How it manifests itself in the circle of those who depend on him, and those on whom he himself depends ... You will see different people. Sometimes they are so different that it is difficult to believe that they are the same person. So much for the little problem of marriage. They gradually reveal what was unknown in advance. And many say that if they then, in the beginning, knew ...
So back to the question.
Why are we given a person “with such a set” and not with another, as any of us would like?
On the subject: Point of view: why there is so much bad in the world and what is good about it
It is for this, for sure, that it is given, since it is a litmus test (who still remembers what it is), designed so that each of us will learn about SELF something that, perhaps, did not know before. We manifest ourselves in connection with those with whom we communicate, live, interact. This, probably, is an amazing surprise of nature, which gives us other people (children and grandchildren, including), so that we get to know better who we are. And who we are not, too.
I personally think so. And you?
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