The article has been automatically translated into English by Google Translate from Russian and has not been edited.

Mom’s school: how to ask vital questions to get the right answers

Sergey Evelev

writer, TV and radio host


Almost forty years have passed since mother left us, and I continue to solve her puzzles. Maybe everyone has been given as many years of life as necessary to solve all the puzzles. From childhood, she told me some strange (from the point of view of a five-ten-even fifteen-year-old teenager) phrases, to which I, naturally, like most children, did not pay much attention. He began to recall ten years after her departure. It would have been nice earlier, probably, but, apparently, my brain took shape late, if it took shape at all.

Фото: Depositphotos

So what am I talking about?

Among hundreds of other brilliant phrases, my mother, in particular, said: “Do not rush to express yourself, maybe the world is not ready to hear you yet”. So I think: what did she mean by that? What should be thought before speaking? Or that not everything that comes to mind should be clothed with words? Or maybe it meant that I shouldn't expect from others a certain reaction to what I said, and even if I don't like the reaction, it is not necessarily their fault? Although, it is possible that the subtext was different: do not expect any reaction at all, he said and said what will happen after that is none of your business, it’s how the card will fall.

So I think since then that from what came into my head (I am always tormented by the thought of where does it go, what comes into my head?) Should be voiced, and what is my share of responsibility for what was said. It is very convenient, for example, the thought that since it came into my head from somewhere, it’s not my thought at all, but someone else’s, and I just voiced what was sent by an angel, or a devil, or… anyone. I'm not the postman Pechkin, but just a mailbox, but what can you take from it? I regularly want to use this formula.

But sometimes what I said (sent by someone) provokes a powerful reaction from the audience. I can evaluate it, however, using only my own limited criteria: laughs, cries, gets angry, nervous, although my instruments are metering and imperfect, and we do not always understand what the listener's reaction means. Is it useful for him to cry or laugh, get angry or think? Or, again, I got into the wrong place and is this not my concern?

On the subject: What would you do if you were God: how do people answer this question

Sometimes it seems to me that we are all really one big creature, fragmented into molecules - people, that is. And that we, even without knowing about it, are constantly in interaction. Every word, action or lack thereof, triggers a reaction in others, starting a chain reaction in others, and so on. And thanks to this, the world moves, rains fall to the ground, volcanoes erupt, ships sink, flowers bloom, fires break out, children are born. And if this is so, then it turns out that we, each of the molecules, that is, are responsible for what is done and not done, said and not said, thought or not.

By the way, the thought is what? Is this something that I invented for myself and therefore thought? Or a comet lost in your head, accidentally stuck there, in transit from a neighboring universe?

Mom, where are you? What a pity that you left so early and did not have time to tell me everything and give answers to many questions that I still have. Although, on the other hand, very often in my head answers to questions, my own and those of others, instantly arise. Perhaps this is my mother's job and it is she who "dictates" the answers to me. If so, thank you Mommy for not leaving me in the dark. In the dark it is uncomfortable and sometimes even scary.

So what am I trying to say this way?

I'm probably trying to get to the idea of ​​what's in our head, each in his own way, probably, there are answers to the right questions. Here, I finally realized what I wanted to say. And if the answer to the question we asked ourselves does not arise, this does not mean that we were not heard, but only means that the question was asked incorrectly. Therefore, if we believe in this theory, then we must learn not to look for answers, but to ask questions correctly.

Question: but how to understand that the question is asked correctly?

Answer: the right question is always answered immediately or soon. If it is not, we are working on the issue.

Examples of wrong questions:

  • What is it all to me?
  • Why is he not listening to me?
  • How to make her do, hear, understand, feel?
  • Where was my head when I got married?
  • What was I thinking when I drank and got behind the wheel?

Examples of correct questions:

  • How much will two two?
  • Where does the sun rise from? (West East)
  • Where do the children come from?
  • How to determine what you love?
  • What does losing a friend mean?
  • What if you do not understand?
  • What to say, if there is nothing to say?

Answers always come to them. Some have already arrived when you read the question.

Therefore: let's focus on trying to formulate the questions correctly if we are interested in the answers.

On the subject: Where do your forces go and is it worth it to spend on fighting yourself

By the way, one of the reasons why answers don't come to our minds or come, but stupid, is because we are not really interested in the answer. We have already decided what we are going to do, and have worked out the whole harmonious or not very theory in our head. And the question was asked so, for decency or out of politeness. And therefore - the answer does not come. Up there, in the Q&A section, not all fools are sitting either. And they don't even need to waste their time on our underdeveloped games.

What did you think?

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