Little baby lies. Ways to solve this big problem
'02.05.2017'
ОVery often people begin to be tormented by the question: “Why does he lie all the time?”. It usually occurs by the three years of your baby’s life. Why is always such an open, bright and good-natured child to your question “And who ate candy?”, Calmly replies “it's not me” or “I don't know”, although he knows for sure that it is him Parents invariably begin to ask themselves questions: who taught, why does he do this, how can he not break down and how to wean?
However, before we start scolding and punishing the child, let's think about why people lie at all? After all, everyone lies, one way or another: we often come up with fabulous stories about why we didn't do something or why we were late for a meeting. We brag about our own achievements, often slightly embellishing, wanting to increase self-esteem in the eyes of others, which is also a lie. Never do that? And so: “dear, pick up the phone and tell her that I’m sleeping” when the phone rings. And children absorb all these cases like a sponge - this is how their developing brain works. Seeing this from their closest people, children subconsciously begin to consider such a norm.
Let's look at three main reasons why children lie:
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Fear of punishment
Nature made sure that the fear of children was hypertrophied - the instinct of self-preservation has not yet been canceled. For children, this is a kind of defensive reaction .. Therefore, a conscious silence about something or lies can appear when your child is afraid of punishment for deliberate misconduct. Do you remember how you yourself “lost” a diary with bad marks, knowing that you will have to explain to your parents? Your children have exactly the same concerns. The same applies to the eaten sweets, which were “stolen by the dove” and the broken dishes, which were “broken by the kitty”. It's time to consider how severe your punishment is and how often you do it. After all, even a ban on walking or playing on the computer, deprivation of which is a trifle for you, may turn out to be ... grief for a child. Try to remember the storm of emotions that you experienced as a child when your parents forbade you to go out with your friends.
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You do not admire your children
Have you ever wondered why your child often brags about non-existent achievements. For example, he tells that in the kindergarten, for example, he did something better than the others, and was set as an example. Or with any slightest bit of luck, it swells to incredible sizes - if only you would praise your baby! So, this boasting arises when parents impose on their children excessive expectations that they are unable to justify. If this is your case, you simply have to step over your habits, also pride, and start praising your child for the real successes more often. Try not to scold for failures or minor offenses, but calmly explain why it did not work out and what needs to be done to fix it.
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Parental “adulthood”
Parents, having grown up, forget that children learn the world in a completely different way - through play. And this is a very serious and responsible occupation. Parents see this as just inappropriate, at the moment, self-indulgence, which must be stopped immediately. So, when a child asks to touch a pebble or asks to bring a twig, parents, considering it rubbish, refuse an innocent but important request for the child. And here again the soil for secrets and hidden actions arises - the child will begin to collect his “treasures” secretly from you.
So how to wean a child from lying?
Children make a choice - to lie or not, on average, between the ages of 5 to 7 years. That is why you need to start stopping attempts to lie much earlier than this age:
1. It is necessary on the examples available to the child to tell how a small lie can seriously ruin his life. You can find examples that prove your case in fairy tales that you read.
2. Remember and constantly remind yourself that children copy the behavior of their parents. Therefore, if you decide to fight against children's lies, be honest, first of all, towards your child.
3. And now quite an important point: you must learn to communicate more often with your child. Let it seem to you that your baby is still small and will not understand, try to talk as much as possible about yourself, your joys and sorrows. Essentially, he may not understand, but this way you will lay a good foundation for trust and mutual honesty. The child involuntarily gets used to such heart-to-heart talks and realizes that if you share with him, he can trust you completely.
4. Parents often protect their children from many topics, as mentioned above, considering them still small and unable to understand due to their age. But you must understand and accept the fact that your children, too, can and should have their little, childish secrets. And this must be respected. It is not worth prying out their secrets, thereby showing respect. And mutual respect is the path to true friendship.
5. As noted above, children begin to lie around the age of three. We must try to identify situations when lying is meaningless. For example, you gave a child “tasty”, and he comes later and asks for more, telling you a wild thriller about how Murzik ate what you gave earlier. Here in no case should you scold the baby. The child simply does not yet understand that he can come up and ask for more. In addition, he may have heard of frequent refusals of such requests before. The result is a lie. Therefore, in such situations, tell him: "If you want more, just ask and I will give you." In such a situation, lying will become simply unnecessary and gradually there will be no need for it.
6. Very often, the result of lack of self-confidence and self-power is precisely a lie. Remove the mentor tone from communication with the child. Try to talk to him not as a parent, but as a dear friend. Through this form of communication, it will be much easier for you to instill confidence in your child and influence his physical and intellectual development. With such communication, the lie will become meaningless.
By following these simple but important tips, you will not only do yourself a favor, ridding yourself of constant children's lies, but also help your child not to make your mistakes and remain his lifelong friend.
